SECRET LOVE - MOST ANNOYING RECORD COMMERCIAL EVER

As a child, I always liked commercials for records. They usually featured bombastic announcers rattling off the names of the songs on the records, a Chyron graphic vertical scroll of the titles of the songs on the record, usually accompanied by photos of the artist or some related photos (i.e. boys and girls dancing at prom or bikers cruising down Route 66. One even featured a NASA rocket launch). Most of these records were offered by a company called Sessions (although they were produced by major companies such as Warner Brothers, RCA or Columbia).

It was around my senior year in high school (Maybe my first year of college - this commercial ran forever) that I saw what I thought was the worst record commercial ever featuring what, at the time, I considered some of the worst songs in the world. The commercial was for a 4 LP, 3 cassette collection called Secret Love. I might be wrong, but I think this is the first TV record ad to offer a compact disc version. I hated this commercial.

First off, it probably aired more than any record commercial in history. It seemed like it was on every commercial break.

Second, this record was loaded with songs I hated. In the commercial there were only two songs that I liked, "Nights In White Satin" by the Moody Blues and "Waiting For a Girl Like You" by Foreigner. However, seeing the complete track listings there were a few others I like ("Dream Weaver" by Gary Wright and "Strange Way" by Firefall). These were those wimpy songs that radio stations here in the Ozarks were beating to death. These were also the songs favored by the snooty popular girls, who wouldn't go out with me. They were also on student council, so they picked the music for the school dances. it was usually this stuff.

Third, had to do with the format of this ad. Unlike the previous records ads that I mentioned above, this ad must have been the first to feature on-screen spokes people or characters. This one featured an ANNOYING PREPPY COUPLE IN CABLE-KNIT SWEATERS SITTING BY A FIREPLACE IN AN UPSCALE HOME.  I could not stand those two people! They were the little goody-goody, overachiever types that were the bane of my existence in high school (I still run in to a few of these people through work). I would see this commercial and ask myself, "What does that beautiful girl see in that preppy dork???" Notice: The clothes are the same as on the record cover above, but different model/actors.



At the time this aired, I was into mainly heavy metal (hair bands), college rock (alternative and punk to young folks) and classic rock/oldies. I thought it would be great if they made a set of the music I liked. There wasn't a metal or college rock set, but there was a classic rock/oldies set with great songs on it entitled Freedom Rock. Unfortunately, the commercial featured two idiots dressed as hippies sitting by a VW Micro-bus doing a bad Cheech & Chong imitation.

While I still dislike preppies, I have come to accept and even enjoy old soft/light rock of the 70s and 80s. As a matter of fact, readers of this blog may remember that I have proposed a revamped version of the soft/light AC/rock radio format that removes the "Little Miss Pris-Delilah-Mommy Blogger" attitude that made these radio station unbearable to listen to since the early 90s. The music and romantic or mellow mood would be the focus, instead of discussions about "soda-being-bad-for-you" or "girls-wear-too-sexy-dresses-to-prom." As Gilligan at Retrospace would say, it would be "Music for making pancakes."

Maybe in some crazy way, the Secret Love commercial spawned that idea, because "This music brings out the animal in people."   

      

TWILIGHT: OZARKS STYLE

The hottest phenomenon with teenagers in the past few years has been Twilight.  Most teenagers will tell you if they are Team Edward or Team Jacob.

Of course, if kids or teenagers like it, the Springfield News Leader and the Lebanon Daily Record will run several letters to the editor by magot-brained adults, who don't allow their kids to read, view or own anything Twilight because they feel it is "evil." Yes, these idiots are proud of being abusive parents, who tell their kids what they can or can't read or watch. Would Ozarkers be more receptive if you created a Twilight story that took place in the Ozarks?

Let change the main character to a male high school student, who moves from southern California to small Ozarks town called Spoons, Missouri. He falls in love with a girl named Velda. He is drawn to Velda even though he suffers from strange pains and feels disoriented while he is around her. It turns she is a witch.
He is told by another student, Wiley, that he can't be in love with Velda because she is dating Blaine Alucard, a rich spoiled vampire boy. His father is president of the bank and chairman of the local Republican party. When Blaine doesn't get his way, he tell everyone how much money his father makes. "The Alucards are a pioneer family. My daddy owns most of the builds in this community." He wears Izod sweaters and Dockers.
I should mention that Wiley is a werewolf or as he pronounces it "war-woof." He wears a straw cowboy hat, drives 4x4 pickup truck with a "Nobama-You can keep your change" bumper sticker and a confederate flag in the window, listens to Hank Williams Jr and Lynard Skynard, wears t-shirts that say "I'm a American (he pronounces it "Muricun") by birth, but a werewolf by the grace of God." If he gets into a fight, the first think he does is take off his shirt. He and his werewolf buddies drink Keystone Light and chew Red Man.
Velda had previously dated Tagg, a "patchwork" zombie, who plays football. If he gets hurt on the playing field, they just replace the injured part from another corpse.
This is just a rough idea, so far. 

Steve Franken Dead, 60s TV Actor Died Last Week

Steve Franken Dead, 60s TV Actor Died Last Week

BEST OF DESDINOVA: THE MOD SQUAD WAS COOLER THAN 21 JUMP STREET (Sorry Johnny Depp)

I realize many people of my generation will hate this post. There will even be some Baby Boomers that will hate this post.

In TV history, there were two cops shows that featured young people going undercover to investigate crimes involving other youth. These shows were the Mod Squad, which ran from 1968 to 1973. The other was 21 Jump Street, which ran from 1987 to 1991.

I remember watching an episode of 21 Jump Street when it first air on the then-new Fox Network and thinking, "This show sucks. I hope they come up with a better show than this or this network with go the way of Dumont and Overmyer Networks." The show not only ran longer than I expected, but Fox has survived, thanks to several great shows like the Simpsons, Family Guy and In Living Color.

It was about this time that a purchased a book called The Best of Crime and Detective TV: The Critics Choice by John Javna and Max Allan Collins. In this book, they list the TV show, Mod Squad, as one of the worst cop shows ever. They practically trash the show (They also slam Charlie's Angels, which makes me wonder about these guys).

I had only seen the Mod Squad reunion movie from the late 70's, but I still thought it probably had to be better than 21 Jump Street for the simple reason it was made in the late 60s/early 70s. As many of you readers know I have always had a special place for the psychedelic era.

I bought a VHS tape a few years ago that featured two episodes of the Mod Squad. I liked it quite a bit and wanted to buy another, but they were taken off the market for some reason. A year ago, I bought a DVD of the first season of the Mod Squad. It featured a longer version of the pilot episode which was on the VHS tape I had earlier. I have enjoyed it very much and plan to buy another DVD set of the show.

A few nights ago, I found the entire first season of 21 Jump Street on DVD at Wal-Mart for $5. I wondered if my opinion of 21 Jump Street would have changed after seeing more than one episode of the Mod Squad. Maybe I would be blown away by the show which gave us Johnny Depp. It turns out, I was right the first time I saw the show. It still sucks.

While people often malign the Mod Squad for being dated, 21 Jump Street is a product of it's time too. It comes with the things of the 80s that I hated. Bad part is some of those attitudes are still with us, thanks to the Fox News Network. As a matter of fact, I suspect that Bill O'Reilly wrote a few of these scripts under an alias. I bet Sarah Palin was a Jump Street fan.

The Mod Squad was from the age of peace, love and "Do Your Own Thing," while 21 Jump Street was from the age of "Just Say No," "Positive Peer Pressure," "overachieving" and "Vigilante Justice." Also, the characters on 21 Jump Street wear the clothes of that era that my mom forced me to wear. When I moved out and went to SMSU, I started dressing more like the Mod Squad.

First off, let's discuss the theme song and opening credits. The theme song of the Mod Squad was composed by Earl Hagen. Hagen created a tough and fast pasted cops show theme, augmented by a psychedelic/garage band organ. The visual was the main characters running through a dark warehouse.

The 21 Jump Street open featured a theme song sung by the cast that sounded like a bad Debbie Gibson song ("You're gonna learn something when we meet you after school" GAG!). The visuals were goofy clips of the cast from episodes. This gives you the impression you are watching a bad sitcom.

The overall plot of the shows are different in that Peter, Linc and Julie ("One White, One Black and One Blonde") were juvenile delinquents paying their debt to society by becoming undercover detectives. They did carry guns or badges. They often questioned the ethics of what they were doing. Yes, they do use quite a bit of the slang of that era. Pete seems to use the word "heavy" a lot, Julie says "groovy" quite a bit and Linc made the phrase, "Solid, Brother" a part of TV history.

On 21 Jump Street, Hanson, Penhall, Hoffs and Loki are cops who look young enough to infiltrate high schools. They carry guns and badges. When the Jump Street cops aren't whining about lawyers and judges "letting off" the people they bust, they insult each other.

The villains on Mod Squad are never the kids, but old, white guys trying to make a money by selling drugs or killing young people. One villain, played by Dabney Colman (Who else?) tells his sister, "Your hippie friends are driving down the value of my real estate." One villain is a Bill O'Reilly-ish talk show who tries to rape Julie. Yes, the message of the Mod Squad could be "No such thing as a bad kid" and "Don't trust anyone over 30."

On the other hand, 21 Jump Street embedded with the 80's idea of "young-people-are-evil." The criminal is always young. Everything from gun toting gang members taking a school hostage to a group of cocaine pushing, preppy-boys who gang-rape/murder a girl to sexually-repressed, pyromaniac Catholic school girls (No, I didn't make this last one up).

Jump Street episodes usually end with a PSA/lecture from the cast about under-age drinking, drug abuse or abstenence. Mod Squad ended with a crane shot of the characters and somber jazz music as the characters contemplate what just happened. Truth is the Mod Squad has a more expensive look to it than Jump Street.

Yes, this has probably been a useless rant, but I had to get this out of my system. I'm sorry Johnny Depp couldn't have been like Clint Eastwood, John Travolta or Bruce Lee and gotten his start on a good show. As a matter of fact, he has said he hated the show.

Just remember, the Maharishi says never drink campaign from a paper cup. Solid, Brother!

BORING BACK TO SCHOOL CLOTHES THAT PHOEBE CATES CAN'T EVEN MAKE SEXY

A few years ago, I was attempting to create a satirical/Sci-Fi comic strip. I wanted the women to dress in late 70s & early 80s fashions, since most of the Sci-Fi adventures shows I watched as a kid, such as Battlestar Galactica, Buck Rogers, Jason of Star Command and Doctor Who, were produced in the late 70s & early 80s. Even if story took place in the future, the women seem to be wearing disco/new wave/roller boogie fashions. In doing research, I purchased several late 70s & early 80s fashion magazines off Ebay. I'm finding them handy for the revamped version of this blog.

I blogged earlier this year about how women's clothes were not as colorful as they were in the early 80s. I found that one of these magazines was an August 1979 "Back to School" issue of Seventeen. I thought that since I hadn't post much lately I could at least post the back to school pics for the ladies that read this blog to reminisce.

Much to my dismay I discovered that the back to school clothes for girls in 1979 were drab and boring. This seemed to be the start of that horrible preppy phase that plagued my generation. Most of the clothes were brown tweed. The emphasis was on sweaters, long skirts and knee socks. Also little tams and knit caps were the must have accessory. This is what all the little, rich snooty girls wore. Who picked these clothes to be the "popular" back to school clothes? PROBABLY SOMEONE'S MOMMY!!!

Okay, this might look better if it was worn by a girl with a butt.

One reason I chose to post these pictures was that one of the models is Phoebe Cates, who was so sexy in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Private School, Gremlins and the TV mini-series Lace. In these clothes, she isn't sexy enough to for Judge Reinhold to "fantasize about."

The editor's of Seventeen may have considered these back to school clothes "HOT," but the only thing that makes them "HOT" is that wearing all those sweaters and tweeds will make a girl sweat like a pig. Hope they wore a whole bottle of Heaven Scent, because Desdinova didn't like it when cute girls smelled bad.