I JUST REMEMBERED

I hadn't posted a photo of hot babes in Santa's Little Helper dresses this Christmas. That always upsets Ozarkers.

MORE PHOTOS OF MORGAN FAIRCHILD AS A WITCH

Click to enlarge

Click to enlarge

I found two more of these pinup photos of actress Morgan Fairchild as a witch.

HALLOWEEN PINUPS OF ANN MILLER

Last week, I posted a Halloween pinup of Morgan Fairchild and this week it is several of dancer Ann Miller. People my age remember Ann Miller as an older lady, who would be on TV shows dancing. Her trademarks were great looking legs (even in her advanced age) and big, stiff hair. She also appeared in the movie, Mulholland Drive, and a Stan Freburg produced commercial for a short-lived product called Great American Soups as a tap dancing housewife. I've found several pinups of Ann Miller with a Halloween theme.  I'll have too say that when Ann Miller made these photos, she was not only smoking hot, but darn cute.

MORGAN FAIRCHILD IS A REALLY HOT WITCH

This photo pretty much speaks for itself.

I'M ASHAMED I WATCHED THE DUKES OF HAZZARD

We've all done it. We watched a TV show we enjoyed as a child or teenager after we became an adult and thought, "Why did I like this as a kid? This is horrible." For me that TV show is The Dukes of Hazzard.


You have to understand that this was the era when most people only received four networks. You also didn't have a VCR or DVD player or PC to stream movies. The Dukes of Hazzard was also THE TV SHOW to watch among the sixth graders in Lebanon, Missouri. If you weren't watching The Dukes of Hazzard, you would be considered a worthless, piece of human garbage. Many of my former classmates are constantly posting and re-posting a meme on Facebook, which asserts that people who watched The Dukes of Hazzard and Hee Haw as kids are superior to others. I don't think there is any scientific facts to back this belief up.

Watching the show now on DVD or in reruns, it becomes obvious that after the first season, they basically did the same script over and over. As a matter of fact, most of the cast nearly quit between season four and five over this. This was part of the reason Tom Wopat and John Schneider walked off the show. According to a TV Guide article (Dec. 25 -31 1982), everyone else on the show wanted out.

Now, with that aside, the reason I can't stand watching the The Dukes of Hazzard now: The use of the phrase "good ole boys."  Bo and Luke, in the theme song by Waylon Jennings, are referred to as "good ole boys." At the time this show aired, when I was in sixth grade, I took it the "good ole boys" actually meant "a force of good in the universe" (my comic book geekiness showing).

After becoming an adult and getting out in the "real world," I noticed the term "good ole boy" used not for people doing good, but for people like Boss Hogg and Roscoe P. Coltrane. To be honest, Boss Hogg and Roscoe are Presidential Medal of Honor Winners compared to many of the "good ole boys" I've met and had to deal with in my adult life.

The phrase "good ole boy" tends to be a euphemism or secret code word for "my loud-mouthed, sleazy, unethical, racist, sexist, homophobic, smelly, alcoholic, redneck friend, that abuses his wife and kids, but I like better him than you." Every business or work place in this part of the country has, at least, one of these type of individuals under their roof.

This "good ole boy" doesn't have a college degree and just barely has a high school diploma, but somehow has ascended to a cushy management position and receives a huge paycheck. Of course, the reason is this guy kisses the butt of the boss by doing the dirty work he wants done. Usually, he is the cousin, brother-in-law, or high school drinking buddy of the boss. This guy usually bullies everyone, talks dirty to female employees, repeats dumb stuff he heard on talk radio (or sings along with a country radio station), brings Jim Beam in his thermos, reads back issues of Guns & Ammo and spits his tobacco juice in every adjacent waste basket, while everyone else does the hard work.

However, if the boss wants the tires of the employees trying to unionize slashed or a competitor's business burned to the ground or needs someone to stalk the nerdy boy sending flowers to his hot, smoking daughter, the "good ole boy" is ready to earn that paycheck he receives that is bigger than the other employees. He also is quick to run and tattle to the boss on the employees breaking a stupid company policy or talking about how they think he is a crooked tyrant. Of course, if you question this guy's unethical and downright bad behavior, you will get the response, "But he is a good ole boy." That absolves this guy of any wrong doing in the eyes of his small community.

The bad part about these "good ole boys" is that in many small communities they get elected to city council, county commission or the school board, where they usually vote against anything that would be good for the community. They always say they want to keep the community "just like Mayberry," but what they real want is for it to be just like Hazzard County. Sad part some of them go on to the state legislature and then...well, this explains most of the makeup of our current U.S. Congress. Yes folks, Boss Hogg and Roscoe P. Coltrane are running Washington, D.C. As Waylon Jennings would say, in his narration of the show, "Folks, this don't look good."

Maybe this version of the "good ole boy" is only a phenomenon of southwest Missouri, but I some how feel that it isn't the case. Every small community has a group of  "good ole boys" that do horrible things, but people just slaps them on the back and laugh about it.

After reading this, some will say, "So, Desdinova, are you saying that we shouldn't watch reruns of The Dukes of Hazzard. No, I'm just saying I don't enjoy it because of my experience with the "good ole boy" mentality.

However, there is one thing that I like about this show that I wish would become a common practice. I wish more women would wear pantyhose with their shorts like Daisy did. NOW THAT IS A GOOD THING! Of course, these opinions are why I'm considered the SUPER VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

THE END

Female Comic Strip Character Movie No. 9: SHEENA QUEEN OF THE JUNGLE

Sheena riding a real zebra

Some movies earn a reputation as bad but some eventually develop a cult following because they are funny when they aren't supposed to be. Sheena Queen of the Jungle is just that kind of film.

Comic book Sheena

TV Sheena Irish McCalla

First, the background of the character. Sheena was created by Will Eisner and Jerry Iger, under the pen name W. Morgan Thomas, for a company called Fiction House. Sheena had already been adapted for TV in the mid-50s staring Irish McCalla, who looked exactly like the comic book Sheena. Same body proportions too, which is incredible considering that there couldn't possibly be a woman built like that in real life.

That is one of the problem with this adaption of Sheena. Tanya Roberts (Charlie's Angels, That 70s Show) is beautiful and sexy, but not an imposing figure like the comic book Sheena and Irish McCalla. You might say she is not scary enough to be Sheena.

The plot involves a coup of an African country by the king's wife and his football player brother, who are planing to wipe out a tribe protected by the king, take the land for a mineral that is a miracle cure. This just happens to be the tribe that raised Sheena. The tribe shaman (played by a lady name Elizabeth of Toro) teaches Sheena how to communicate with the animals by holding her forehead and closing her eyes. It looks cool when the shaman lady does this, but when Tanya Roberts does it, she looks like she's suffering from a migraine or bad PMS. This power was not in the Sheena comics or the Sheena TV series. I believe the writers stole this from Aquaman.

I should point out the origin story in the movie is much simpler than the one in the comics, however, explaining either origin story to you would be take way to much time. In the comics, Sheena had a civilized, male friend named Bob, who was a hunter/explorer. In the movie, she befriends a TV journalist named Vic Casey, played by Ted Wass (Soap, Blossom). Sheena calls him "Vicasey."

One of the highlights of this film is Sheena taking a shower under a waterfall. When this film was released, the late Roger Ebert joked would be the first PG movie that should play continuously on the Playboy Channel. Now, if you are waiting for me to complain about the nudity as with my review of Friday Foster, you will be waiting a while. For one thing, it fits with the character. In the origin, at the beginning of the film, we see that for about the first ten years of her life, Sheena didn't wear a shirt. Second, she is taking a shower. Even a woman who has grown up in the jungle knows you don't take a shower with your clothes on. Third, and the main reason I'm not complaining (other than seeing Tanya Roberts naked is awesome), is Sheena was occasionally naked in the comics too.

Sheena is wet and naked in the comics

Before someone launches in some stupid Facebook meme version of revisionist history and tells me "But Sheena was from the good old days, when people liked Shirley Temple instead of Honey Boo-Boo,"  let me break it to you gently. Sheena's comic books came about before what was known as the Comic Book Code of Authority. Among the things banned in the Comic Book Code was nudity. Yes Virginia, there was some nudity in comic books in those days. Not the major companies, but the company that Sheena was published by was so notorious that the Comic Book Code put them out of business. Half of things banned by the Comic Book Code were things that Fiction House, and the companies other imprints, were almost trademarks of that company. Nobody noticed Sheena's nudity, when the company's crime comics were filled with open-eyed corpses, big-breasted hookers, crooked cops, suicides and slashed throats.  

The problem with this movie is that it seems to be two different movies slammed together. It starts off great with the origin story, then they bring in the coup part that never makes sense, and then there is the romantic story of Sheena and Vic. Another problem is the action sequences featuring the mercenary soldiers range from extremely violent to looking like outtakes from The Gods Must Be Crazy.


The same could be said for the animals. Usually in movie, the chimpanzees upstage the human actors. The chimps in this movie act like they don't know what they are doing. There is a scene when probably looked good on paper but the animals didn't cooperate. When Sheena and Vic kiss in the "Land of Waterbirds," the birds were supposed to fly away. Only half of the did and the other half stand still like "Hey, let's watch this couple kiss." The waterbirds also look silly when Sheena has them attack a helicopter she is held hostage in. Instead of looking like a scene from The Birds, it looks a group of flamingos came and sat down in a helicopter.

Tanya Roberts riding a fake zebra

One of the things this film is most famous for is Sheena's pet zebra, which was a white horse with black stripes painted on it, because zebra's couldn't be trained to let a woman (even one as hot as Tanya Roberts) ride them. I remember this being in the news, because it was the first time I heard of animal rights activist.

She is wicked with that bow & arrow

The editing on this movie is not tight. The scenes go on longer than they should. The climactic scene with Sheena, Vic and the King's brother is one of the best moments of the film (photo above), but would be much better if it didn't take so long. The same goes for the waterbirds attacking the helicopter.

This movie also suffers from one of the most boring musical scores ever. It is certainly not made for a comic book inspired movie. More of a chick flick score.

While not a great adaptation of the comic book, it is fun in a Mystery Science Theater 3000 kind of way and, of course, Tanya Roberts is naked.  

Female Comic Strip Character Movie No. 6: JANE

Artist Pett, Leighton-Porter and Fritz

When I started this series of post over a year ago, I thought I would have to skip over a 1987 film based on the racy British WWII comic strip Jane. I could only find the trailer on Youtube and a news reel about the strip's artist, Norman Pett, promoting the comic strip.


The good news is I found both the first Jane film and the 1987 film. Now the bad news, I found both the first Jane film and the 1987 film.

Click to Enlarge and see Jane's panties

Click To Enlarge and see Jane's panties

First off, Jane (which debuted in 1932 in The Daily Mirror with the cumbersome title of  Jane's Journal or Diary of a Bright Young Thing)  was kind of a one note comic strip, with emphasis on strip. The reason for its popularity in England and its failure in the United States was due to the running gag of Jane losing her clothes or undressing. Jane's dress would get caught in the doors on a train, doors on an elevator, a nail or shrubbery and they would be torn off exposing Jane's brassiere and granny panties. Surprisingly, both films include this gag.

Jane loses her skirt in the 1949 film

In the 1949 film, entitled The Adventures of Jane, Jane is played by Chrystabel Leighton-Porter, the model who posed for Norman Pett.  By her own admission, she said she couldn't act and the movie was awful. Interestingly enough, the producers try to pass her off as the real Jane.

The best way to describe this film is dry and dull. An old man, who is a fan of Jane's burlesque act, gives her a bracelet. Her boyfriend, Tom, is a humorless dick, in more ways than one. He gets jealous then tells her it is fake. He then brings up that he is on the trail of a gang of jewel thieves.

You would think that would make an exciting film, but it doesn't. This is an hour of wasted film. There is an interesting effect for a car wreck near the end of the film. This movie makes everything tedious. There is a beauty contest (featuring 3 or 4 girl prettier than Chrystabel Leighton-Porter, but that is just me) which is boring. Most of the last portion of the film seems to be a long sequence of Fritz the dachshund running for help, accompanied by stock music that was in some of the Famous Studios cartoons.

Even though I am a fan of British films, I only recognized two of the actors in this film. Carry On regular Peter Butterworth plays a drunk, who is supposed to be comedy relief, but it is too forced.

Mr. French plays French guy

Then there is the Frenchman who nearly cries when a customs agent marks on his suitcase with chalk. I said to myself, "WAIT A MINUTE! THAT FRENCHMAN IS MR. FRENCH!" Yep! Sebastian Cabot, star of Family Affair, Checkmate and Ghost Story, has a small part. He and Butterworth are the biggest stars in this movie.

Jane And The Lost City is much more fun, but still not an award winning film by any degree. This film was made in 1987 during a time in which Jane was experiencing a nostalgia revival. In the early part of the 80s, the BBC ran a Jane TV series, in which the action took place inside comic strip box frame.

This movie was probably made to compete with the film Brenda Starr, which had already been announced but was not released until 1989. The film is played as a comedy, and unlike the 1949 version is very funny at times. This time Jane is played by the incredibly cute Kristen Hughes (above), who looks great in granny panties and nylons.

Jane, working with her boss, The Colonel, go to Africa to look for the giant diamonds of the Lost City, in hopes to get them before the Nazis' top agent, Lola Pagola (Maude Adams). After their plane crashes, Jane, The Colonel and his valet, Mr. Toombs, are rescued by Jungle Jack Buck, played by Sam J. Jones (Flash Gordon, The Spirit, Ted). Jungle Jack is an improvement over Tom the Dick, as Jones plays Jack as a smiling, would-be Indiana Jones.

One could make the complaint that this tries too hard to be funny. There is are Nazi triplets, all played by Jasper Carrott, who comes off as a poor man's Rowan Atkinson. The Lost City's Leopard Queen turns out to be a girl Jane knew from college. The film is also filled with references to films such Casablanca, Raiders of the Lost Ark, To Have and Have Not, The Mummy and Goliath and the Sins of Babylon. Jane loses her clothes more in this film, including a scene where a monkey tears them off.

Obviously, I recommend the 1987 film more. It is actually more enjoyable. Now let me leave you with a photo of both movie Janes together and fully clothed, during the making of the 1987 film.
     

PHOTOS OF THE ROCKETTES AND SEXY SANTA'S HELPERS TO OFFEND OZARKERS

I can honestly say that one of the best shows I ever saw in Branson, Missouri was the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes Christmas show. Sadly, it was only in Branson one year. This year in the Springfield, Missouri Christmas parade, there were some high school or college girls dressed in the "Santa's Helper" outfits, like the Rockettes were in their show. KYTV's Facebook page featured the photo (which is probably on the KY3 website if you can find it). You should have seen the stupid comments under it from a group of women who were offended by these young ladies' outfits. These were probably the same goofy women who were badmouthing some of the cherished TV specials of the holiday season such as Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.

So, being the mischievous blogger that I am, I present you some photos of the Rockettes in their Santa's Helper outfits and some other young ladies dressed the same way. If you like these kid of holiday shenanigans, check out these two post on Flashbak, from Yeoman Lowbrow.