I WAS UNFRIENDED ON FACEBOOK BY A CLASSMATE (WHO SAID SHE HATED ME IN 9th GRADE)

You are probably wondering why there is a photo of Dita Von Teese on this post. It is because it involves a person looks like Dita Von Teese, only this person tends to wear Western wear.

With that said, many readers to this and the other blog know that I have a sort of love - hate relationship with Facebook. Yes, you can use it to connect with people you haven't seen in many years, as well as make new friends and network with colleagues in your field of work.

On the other hand, it is quickly turning America into a middle-aged version of junior high/middle school. You "friend" someone and "like" the stuff they say, "share" or post. Of course, if you "like" something they don't like or are offended by, you get "unfriended." This happened to me. The irony is that I'm not sure when it happened, because I "unfollowed" this person quite a while back for being a major drama queen and right-wing wack job.

This person is a former classmate, who looks like Dita Von Teese. This person moved to my school in the 9th grade. I developed a crush on this new girl in school. One reason may have been because I noticed that she stared at me during class. To me, this was a sign that she liked me. I WAS WRONG. I wrote her a note I told he that I liked her. She never said anything to me about reading the note. As a matter of fact, she didn't say anything to me for a long time until one day before class she said, "I hate you. Don't talk to me." Granted, during my senior year she was more civil. I saw her a times after we graduated and she seemed friendly.

I joined Facebook because my classmates were planning a class reunion. Lo and behold, this person "friended" me. She now was married with kids and lived in another state. I soon came to regret this.

This former classmate seems to hate everyone. She hated liberals, the media (that makes two strikes against me), the government, the president, most major Hollywood stars (especially comedians who said something she found offensive), rap/hip hop artist, public schools, animal rights groups, feminist, scientist, Jewish people, Muslims, Catholics, African Americans, Asian Americans, gay people, Hispanics, Native Americans and anyone under 30.

Not only those people, but she seem to get into a fracas with some innocent person every time she left the house. She switched doctors and veterinarians (Her husband is a rancher) several times. She quit Walgreens because the didn't get her prescription filled on time. She then quit CVS because they pulled sponsorship from Glen Beck's show on Fox (She was also a big fan of Alex Jones). She had a dispute with Rite-Aid over something.

It gets better. She vowed never to got to Safeway again after they refused to make a woman leave the store because her two year old kept sticking his tongue out at her. Target also got the "never-set-foot-in-there-again" vow after the manager refused to fire a teenage checkout girl, who "snickered," because she was buying a package of Poise Pads.

The bad part was her friends were just as uptight, touchy and paranoid group of nitwits as she was. They were no help at all. Not one of these women ever posted a comment like, "You need to get a life" or "It is time you sought professional, psychiatric help." They would tell her that she was right to be angry or tell her about how it was all apart of some "conspiracy" against "good Americans."

In the end, being unfriended and this isn't a bad thing. Especially if it is someone who told you they hated you in 9th grade. Of course, my opinions are why I'm considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!    

90 COUNTRY SONGS THAT I ACTUALLY LIKE (An Ipod Playlist)

Okay, Okay! If you read the post about my concept for "glam country," you probably figured out that I hate country music. You must understand, in Missouri, there are more country radio stations on the air than any format. It bombards you from all directions. Also country fans in Missouri are so self-righteous about being country fans (actually Missourians are self-righteous about EVERYTHING). They say "You should listen to country music. It is better for you."

Something I don't discuss much is the fact that I have worked in country radio, usually against my will. There were a few songs that I liked during my days in radio purgatory. I began thinking about the country songs that I like.  I looked through my Itunes and put the songs I liked into a playlist. Let me say that the complaint against "bro-country" is it is too pop and not traditional country is a non-issue as far as I'm concerned. Most of the country music I did like from my formative years doesn't sound like what you would call "real country." Many of these artist were accused of not being "real country." Much of this wouldn't get played on a country radio station today, because it doesn't fit the format or it isn't considered country.

Here is a list of country songs that I can actually stomach.

• "I Fell In Love" - Carlene Carter
• "Amarillo By Morning" - George Strait
• "Anybody Going To San Antone?" Charlie Pride
• "When You're Hot, You're Hot" - Jerry Reed
• "Tight Fitting Jeans" - Conway Twitty
• "Skip a Rope" - Henson Cargill
• "Elvia" - Oak Ridge Boys
• "Lyin Eyes" - The Eagles
• "No News" - Lonestar
• "All You Ever Do Is Bring Me Down" - The Mavericks
• "Don't It Make Brown Eyes Blue" - Crystal Gale
• "It Must Be Love" - Don Williams
• "The Gambler" - Kenny Rogers
• "Flowers On The Wall" - The Statler Brothers
• "Six White Horse" - Tommy Cash
• "Rhinestone Cowboy" - Glen Campbell
• "The Whispering Wind (Blows On By)" - Mandy Barnett
• "Gentle On My Mind" - Glen Campbell
• "Queen of Hearts" - Juice Newton
• "Joanne" - Mike Nesmith
• "El Paso" - Marty Robbins
• "Made In Japan" - Buck Owens
• "Bobbie Sue" - The Oak Ridge Boys
• "Garden Party" - Rick Nelson
• "Love's Been Little Bit Hard Me" - Juice Newton
• "Della & The Dealer" - Hoyt Axton
• "The Closer You Get" - Alabama
• "Why Have You Left The One You Left Me For?" - Crystal Gale
• "Wichita Lineman" - Glen Campbell
• "King of the Road" - Roger Miller
• "Maria" - Ray Vega
• "My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys" - Willie Nelson
• "Goodbye Earl" - The Dixie Chicks
• "There Is a Time" - The Dillards (Technically this is bluegrass)
• "If You Leave Me Tonight I'll Cry" - Jerry Wallace (The Tune in Dan's Cafe from Night Gallery)
• "He's So Fine" - Jody Miller
• "Make The World Go Away" - Eddy Arnold
• "Broken Lady" - Larry Gatlin & the Gatlin Brothers
• "You Ain't Going Nowhere" - The Byrds
• "Seven Year Ache" - Roseanne Cash
• "You're The Reason God Made Oklahoma" - David Frizzell & Shelly West
• "Fare Thee Well, Miss Carousel" - Townes Van Zandt
• "Chug A-Lug" - Roger Miller
• "Bop" - Dan Seals
• "Amanda" - Don Williams
• "Old Dogs, Children & Watermelon Wine" - Tom T. Hall
• "Early Morning Rain" - George Hamilton IV
• "Angel of the Morning" - Juice Newton
• "Galveston" - Glen Campbell
• "What Is Truth" - Johnny Cash
• "Ode to Billy Joe" - Bobbie Gentry
• "Let You Love Flow" - Bellamy Brothers
• "Highway Patrol" - Junior Brown
• "Nobody" - Sylvia
• "Christine's Tune (Devil In Disguise)" - Flying Burrito Brothers
• "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town" - Kenny Rogers & the First Edition
• "Love In the First Degree" - Alabama
• "Oh Lonesome Me" - Don Gibson
• "Kansas City Lights" - Steve Warner
• "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus
• "Fancy" - Bobbie Gentry
• "Seminole Wind" - John Anderson
• "Has Anybody Seen Amy?" - John & Audrey Wiggins
• "Saginaw, Michigan" - Lefty Frizzell
• "Rose Garden" - Lynn Anderson
• "Why Lady Why" - Alabama
• "Looking For Love" - Johnny Lee
• "Jolene" - Dolly Parton
• "Cherry Hill Park" - Billy Joe Royal
• "Can I See You Tonight?" - Tanya Tucker
• "Silver Threads & Golden Needles" - Linda Ronstadt
• "Stranger in My House" - Ronnie Milsap
• "Girl From The North Country" - Bob Dylan & Johnny Cash
• "Some of Shelly's Blues" - Mike Nesmith
• "Ring of Fire" - Johnny Cash
• "The Highwayman" - The Highwaymen (Willie, Kris, Waylon, Johnny)
• "Most Beautiful Girl" - Charlie Rich
• "Cincinnati Ohio" - Connie Smith
• "Diggy Diggy Lo" - Doug Kershaw
• "Streets of Bakersfield" - Buck Owens
• "Lay Lay Lay" - Bob Dylan
• "Lucille" - Kenny Rogers
• "Here You Come Again" - Dolly Parton
• "She Sang Hymns Out of Tune" - The Dillards
• "Mona Lisa Lost Her Smile" - David Allen Coe
• "Takin It Easy" - Lacy J. Dalton
• "Whose Gonna Mow Your Grass?" - Buck Owens
• "All The Gold In California" - Larry Gatlin & the Gatlin Brothers  

  

I'M ASHAMED I WATCHED THE DUKES OF HAZZARD

We've all done it. We watched a TV show we enjoyed as a child or teenager after we became an adult and thought, "Why did I like this as a kid? This is horrible." For me that TV show is The Dukes of Hazzard.


You have to understand that this was the era when most people only received four networks. You also didn't have a VCR or DVD player or PC to stream movies. The Dukes of Hazzard was also THE TV SHOW to watch among the sixth graders in Lebanon, Missouri. If you weren't watching The Dukes of Hazzard, you would be considered a worthless, piece of human garbage. Many of my former classmates are constantly posting and re-posting a meme on Facebook, which asserts that people who watched The Dukes of Hazzard and Hee Haw as kids are superior to others. I don't think there is any scientific facts to back this belief up.

Watching the show now on DVD or in reruns, it becomes obvious that after the first season, they basically did the same script over and over. As a matter of fact, most of the cast nearly quit between season four and five over this. This was part of the reason Tom Wopat and John Schneider walked off the show. According to a TV Guide article (Dec. 25 -31 1982), everyone else on the show wanted out.

Now, with that aside, the reason I can't stand watching the The Dukes of Hazzard now: The use of the phrase "good ole boys."  Bo and Luke, in the theme song by Waylon Jennings, are referred to as "good ole boys." At the time this show aired, when I was in sixth grade, I took it the "good ole boys" actually meant "a force of good in the universe" (my comic book geekiness showing).

After becoming an adult and getting out in the "real world," I noticed the term "good ole boy" used not for people doing good, but for people like Boss Hogg and Roscoe P. Coltrane. To be honest, Boss Hogg and Roscoe are Presidential Medal of Honor Winners compared to many of the "good ole boys" I've met and had to deal with in my adult life.

The phrase "good ole boy" tends to be a euphemism or secret code word for "my loud-mouthed, sleazy, unethical, racist, sexist, homophobic, smelly, alcoholic, redneck friend, that abuses his wife and kids, but I like better him than you." Every business or work place in this part of the country has, at least, one of these type of individuals under their roof.

This "good ole boy" doesn't have a college degree and just barely has a high school diploma, but somehow has ascended to a cushy management position and receives a huge paycheck. Of course, the reason is this guy kisses the butt of the boss by doing the dirty work he wants done. Usually, he is the cousin, brother-in-law, or high school drinking buddy of the boss. This guy usually bullies everyone, talks dirty to female employees, repeats dumb stuff he heard on talk radio (or sings along with a country radio station), brings Jim Beam in his thermos, reads back issues of Guns & Ammo and spits his tobacco juice in every adjacent waste basket, while everyone else does the hard work.

However, if the boss wants the tires of the employees trying to unionize slashed or a competitor's business burned to the ground or needs someone to stalk the nerdy boy sending flowers to his hot, smoking daughter, the "good ole boy" is ready to earn that paycheck he receives that is bigger than the other employees. He also is quick to run and tattle to the boss on the employees breaking a stupid company policy or talking about how they think he is a crooked tyrant. Of course, if you question this guy's unethical and downright bad behavior, you will get the response, "But he is a good ole boy." That absolves this guy of any wrong doing in the eyes of his small community.

The bad part about these "good ole boys" is that in many small communities they get elected to city council, county commission or the school board, where they usually vote against anything that would be good for the community. They always say they want to keep the community "just like Mayberry," but what they real want is for it to be just like Hazzard County. Sad part some of them go on to the state legislature and then...well, this explains most of the makeup of our current U.S. Congress. Yes folks, Boss Hogg and Roscoe P. Coltrane are running Washington, D.C. As Waylon Jennings would say, in his narration of the show, "Folks, this don't look good."

Maybe this version of the "good ole boy" is only a phenomenon of southwest Missouri, but I some how feel that it isn't the case. Every small community has a group of  "good ole boys" that do horrible things, but people just slaps them on the back and laugh about it.

After reading this, some will say, "So, Desdinova, are you saying that we shouldn't watch reruns of The Dukes of Hazzard. No, I'm just saying I don't enjoy it because of my experience with the "good ole boy" mentality.

However, there is one thing that I like about this show that I wish would become a common practice. I wish more women would wear pantyhose with their shorts like Daisy did. NOW THAT IS A GOOD THING! Of course, these opinions are why I'm considered the SUPER VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

THE END

THE MYTH OF PERFECT SMALL TOWNS

I admit that I'm a small town boy, but, unlike John Cougar Mellencamp, I'm don't think it was a great experience for me. As matter of fact, the best way I could describe my formative years in Lebanon, Missouri is a hellish nightmare world. It was not Mayberry, more of a cross between Twin Peaks and Peyton Place.

I should note that I was not the first person to be critical of Lebanon, Missouri. Harold Bell Wright, who had been a minster in Lebanon, wrote a novel about Lebanon called The Calling of Dan Mathews. In the story, a young minister becomes so disgusted with the hypocrisy in the town that he resigns from the church.

Country music likes to portray small town life as being without problems and a model for all the other cities and nations of the world. The truth is most small towns have a "dark side." This is why there have been so many successful novels, plays, movies and TV shows revolving around the "idyllic small town" that is later exposed to be filled with sex, murder, drug abuse, alcoholism and a thousand lies. Besides The Calling of Dan Mathews, there is also Main Street and Babbitt by Sinclair Lewis, Winesburg, Ohio by Sherwood Anderson, Our Town by Thorton Wilder, the aforementioned Peyton Place by Grace Metalious and David Lynch's Twin Peaks.

All of these artistic creations all address the problems of class status and conformity to an expected place in the community. The poor kids should never date the rich kids and visa versa, nor should a poor person try to surpass a rich person's success. There are traditions in small towns that need to be adhered to. "That is the way things have always been and don't try to change it."
 
I think the contributing factor to this "dark side" is the claustrophobic feel that is compounded by the fact that "everybody knows everybody in town." There is no such thing as anonymity. If you do something or say something out of line, everyone knows about it. Trust me, there are people who are still holding things I did in seventh grade against me.

Which leads to one of the worst problems with a small town: GOSSIP. People is small towns would rather say bad things about each other than positive things and if someone can find some juicy secret, that is even better. Sadly, the Internet has made this worse. Lebanon has a message board, connected to the newspaper's website. I used to like to read it, but it has went to the dogs. When it isn't filled with right-wing propaganda and the most racist, homophobic, violent, hate-speak, it is vicious gossip about people I have known for years. Many of these people are personal friends and even some of my family members. They never think that they hurting their neighbors and community with these asinine rumors. We don't care that you think the fire department wrecks its truck to get the city to buy them a new one. We don't care that a boat company was defrauded. It is a big company...they will get over it.  

If that wasn't bad enough, every city and town has a Topix forum, which is even more disgusting. This board usually has discussions about which woman in town "sleeps around" and which women "turn tricks."There also are threads started by parents about "weird kids" or kids that "I-told-my-kid-not-to-friends-with-that- kid." These types of threads are why I have suggested that parents be held accountable for bullying just as much as their kids. I'm sure if Topix had been around when I was in school, there would have been a "That thar weird Desdinova kid" thread about me.

Trust me, small town's have a bad side and we shouldn't try to ignore it. Great pop culture hasn't. Of course, an opinion, like this one, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!