Showing posts with label Cranky Adults. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cranky Adults. Show all posts

Friday, June 16, 2017

THE DUMBEST POP SONG OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY


If you are on social media (or anywhere on the Internet), you know that people are usually complaining about how bad they think modern pop music is and that none of today's musical stars have any talent. Allegedly. People brag up "the good old days" and how wonderful everything was in the past. Quite a few of these people think that music was better before the advent of rock and roll. Think again.

You see, the people who hated Elvis, Chuck Berry and Buddy Holly, then turned their vitriol toward the Beatles, the Stones and Bob Dylan, then hated Led Zeppelin, Kiss, Sex Pistols and disco, they  had the government go after Prince, Ozzy Osbourne and Madonna, and now (if they are still living) complain about Katy Perry, Lady Gaga and Kanye West, as well as hip hop/rap in general, liked one of the dumbest songs of the twentieth century (I'm saying the twentieth century, because honestly believe "Red Solo Cup" by Toby Keith will be considered the dumbest song of the twenty-first century).

Not only did they like this song, but they gave it the Academy Award for Best Song. Even harder to fathom is the fact it was written by two of America's greatest song writers. Some of the greatest pop singers of all-time have recorded it and singers are still recording it. What is this song?

My vote for dumbest song of the twentieth century is "In the Cool, Cool, Cool of the Evening" written by Johnny Mercer and Hoagy Carmichael. Mercer wrote such great songs "Moon River, "Glow Worm," "Hooray for Hollywood," "And the Angels Sing," and "That Old Black Magic." Carmichael wrote "Ole Buttermilk Sky," "Heart and Soul," "Up a Lazy River," "Georgia On My Mind" and "Stardust."  Together, Mercer and Carmichael wrote the song "Skylark," which is truly beautiful. All of those are great songs, but this one, in my opinion isn't one of the great ones.

This song was recorded by Bing Crosby, Rosemary Clooney, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra and Steve Lawrence and Edie Gorme. More recently Bette Midler and Crystal Gale have recorded this annoying, stinker of a song.  

My problem is the lyrics don't go together. It jumps around with this part early in the song:

"I like a barbecue, I like to boil a ham
And I vote for bouillabaisse stew (What's that?)
I like a weenie bake, steak and a layer cake
And you'll get a tummy ache too."

Then later in the song we get these lyrical gems:

"Whee!" said the bumblebee
"Let's have a jubilee!"
"When?" said the prairie hen, "Soon?"
"Sure!" said the dinosaur.
"Where?" said the grizzly bear,
"Under the light of the moon?"
"How 'bout ya, brother jackass?"
Ev'ryone gaily cried,
"Are you comin' to the fracas?"
Over his specs he sighed,
In the cool, cool, cool of the evenin'
Tell 'em I'll be there.
In the cool, cool, cool of the evenin'
Slickum on my hair."

I'm sure some dork out there will say, "Ah, they don't write songs like that any more." To that, I say "Good!"  This song is proof that there were bad songs in the pre-rock era. As a matter of fact, you could probably say that "In the Cool, Cool, Cool of the Evening" is our parent's and grandparent's equivalent "We Built This City."


     

Monday, May 2, 2016

A TRIBUTE TO K-TEL RECORDS


Canadian businessman Philip Kives died this past week. He was 87 years old. The name may not ring a bell, but the company he founded will. Kives was the "K" in K-tel Records. Before the Now That Is What I Call Music CD series, K-tel gave people a chance to own 20 of their the top hits on one record or tape.

Before K-tel released their first record in 1966, compilation records contained only songs by that label or company's artist. Kives managed to create records which featured major hits, from competing labels, side by side. Then, he sold them at a budget price in chains stores like Woolworths, Wallgrens, Ben Franklins, T. G. & Y, and K-Mart (no relation) with the aid of flashy TV commercials.

Granted, K-tel's records were cheesy in the beginning. The first one was country music, followed by a polka record and then came the many Top 40 hit compilations. Originally, the covers were black and white with tiny photos of the artist on them.

In the early 70s, the record covers were usually multicolored with small, color photos of the artist and an over abundance of text that listed the names of every artist on the record. These records featured about twenty hits, some of which were shortened for time. Some would maybe feature fifteen hits, but would pad with early recordings by major hit artist, such as "Love You Til Tuesday" by David Bowie, "It Might as Well Rain until September" by Carole King, "Bless You" by Tony Orlando and "I Can See For Miles" by The Who.

By the late 70s, K-tel began putting together some two record sets, which allowed for longer versions of the songs. The artwork improved quite a bit, including a cover featuring Robby the Robot and one featuring a sexy blond singer named Kerry Ciardelli, who was later married to the inventor in Rollerblades.

About this time the Canadian produced comedy TV show began featuring a character named Harvey Ktel (like Harvey Keitel), a fast-talking, loud announcer, who specialized in voice-overs for record commercials, such as Stairways To Heaven. The character was played by Dave Thomas.



The 80s saw the records become more focused on, sometimes on one genre of music, such as new wave and heavy metal. These probably took a cue from the success of records devoted to country, soul (SUPER BAD) and novelty songs (GOOFY GREATS). The cover design was the biggest improvements. During this time, they released what many believe to be their best compilation, Rock 80, which contained a mix of new wave and power pop.

K-tel even had a hit LP. Kives saw the success of the Stars On's disco oldies medleys and decided to try apply the same formula, only with classical music. Hooked On Classic was a big hit.

Sadly, that was the last hurrah for K-tel. In the late 80s, the filed for bankruptcy, just missing the CD boom. Part of their problems were attributed to a controversy in America surrounding a collection of music from a popular British kids show called Mini Pops, which featured kids dressed as Madonna, Boy George and Prince singing their hits. Cranky American parents felt it was "immoral."

I wanted to do a post about K-tel, because I collect K-tel Records. Most collectors don't want them. I like the kitschish nature, as well as the musical nostalgia held within the cover and grooves.

I've created a Ipod playlist for a non-existent K-tel record of the 70s called "Make Believe - 22 original hits by the original artist" and an 80s K-tel record "Make Believe Two - Today's magical hits."

1. "Little Willy" - The Sweet
2. "Back Stabbers" - The O'Jays
3. "How Do You Do?" - Mouth & MacNeal
4. "Brandy" - The Looking Glass
5. "Don't Pull Your Love" - Hamilton, Joe Frank & Reynolds
6. "Why Can't We Live Together" - Timmy Thomas
7. "Cum On Feel The Noize" - Slade
8. "I Am Pegasus" - Ross Ryan
9.  "Beach Baby" - First Class
10. "Dancing In the Moonlight" - King Harvest
11. "Rock The Boat" - Hughes Corporation
12. "Heartbeat It's a Love Beat" - The DeFranco Family
13. "Love You Til Tuesday" - David Bowie
14.  "Beautiful Sunday" - Daniel Boone
15.  "Bang Bang" - Cher
16.  "Smoke Gets In your Eyes" - Blue Haze
17.  "Who Do You Think You Are" - Candlewick Green
18.  "Treat Her Like Lady" - Cornelius Brothers & Sister Rose
19.  "Look In My Eyes Pretty Woman" - Dawn
20.  "Hooked On a Feeling" - Blue Swede
21.  "Jolene" - Dolly Parton
22.  "Armed & Extremely Dangerous" - First Choice

1. "Sweet Dreams" - Air Supply
2. "Turn Your Love Around" - George Benson
3. "Going Down" - Greg Guidry
4. "Take It Easy On Me" - Little River Band
5. "My Girl (Gone, Gone, Gone) - Chilliwack
6. "Easy For You To Say" - Linda Ronstadt
7. "Trouble" - Lindsey Buckingham
8. "Is It You?" - Lee Ritenour
9. "Don't Talk To Strangers" - Rick Springfield
10. "One Hundred Ways" - James Ingram
11. "Run Home Girl" - Sad Cafe
12. "Waiting For a Girl Like You" - Foreigner

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO DIDN'T LIKE MERLE HAGGARD?


I found out something this week. I must be the only person on the planet who didn't like Merle Haggard's music. Facebook has bombarded me with Merle Haggard tributes and I quickly scrolled past them thinking, "Why did you like him?"

I can remember hearing his songs as a kid on the radio and disliking them. He always sounded like some cranky old coot that would get ahead of you at the barber shop. Everyone would be forced to hear this loud-mouthed moron rant and rave about college students partying, teenagers with long hair playing rock music too loud, little kids watching cartoons on Saturday morning, instead of doing chores. Even I as a child, I knew I was intellectually superior to those old, white guys.

Likewise, Merle seemed to be against a lot of stuff: cities, The Beatles, long haired men wearing beads and Roman sandals, pacifist, people on welfare, people eating popcorn at Christmas time and Utopian governments that hand out complimentary, carbonated soft drinks to their citizens. Instead of "Mighty" Merle, he should have been "Cranky Negativity" Merle.  

Granted, I can understand I those old, cranky, white guys liking Merle Haggard's music, but why did my former classmates from Lebanon R-3 Schools like him?  I think it is a symptom of the problem of growing up in the Ozarks that I have talked written about before on this blog and the old blog, they were conditioned to like his music by the old, cranky, white people in charge. They were conditioned to think like the old, cranky, white people in charge.

I tried to tell them in back as far as junior high school, "YOU ARE TEENAGERS! YOU SHOULDN'T LIKE THIS CRAP! IT HAS FIDDLES AND DOBROS IN IT! YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO MUSIC WITH SYNTHESIZERS AND FUZZTONE GUITAR BY BRITISH GUYS WITH MAKEUP AND BLEACHED, SPIKED HAIR OR GUYS FROM CALIFORNIA WITH LOG HAIR IN LEATHER PANTS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? CAN'T YOU SEE THEY WANT YOU TO LIKE THAT MUSIC! THEY WANT YOU TO CONFORM AND BE LIKE THEM!" Sadly, they never listened. Now they are bitter mean-spirited adults, posting memes about the pleasures of being beaten with a belt by their fathers or how they don't think every kid should be given an award in sports.  

There is only one song Merle Haggard I ever liked. He recorded a theme song for a mid-70s TV show called Movin' On, staring Claude Akins and Frank Converse as truck drivers named Will & Sonny. I remember my family enjoyed watching this program, which is sadly not on DVD. The theme song had a longer life on country radio stations playlist than TV show did (only two seasons).

Here are the opening credits with an abbreviated version on the song.





Saturday, March 12, 2016

I WAS UNFRIENDED ON FACEBOOK BY A CLASSMATE (WHO SAID SHE HATED ME IN 9th GRADE)


You are probably wondering why there is a photo of Dita Von Teese on this post. It is because it involves a person looks like Dita Von Teese, only this person tends to wear Western wear.

With that said, many readers to this and the other blog know that I have a sort of love - hate relationship with Facebook. Yes, you can use it to connect with people you haven't seen in many years, as well as make new friends and network with colleagues in your field of work.

On the other hand, it is quickly turning America into a middle-aged version of junior high/middle school. You "friend" someone and "like" the stuff they say, "share" or post. Of course, if you "like" something they don't like or are offended by, you get "unfriended." This happened to me. The irony is that I'm not sure when it happened, because I "unfollowed" this person quite a while back for being a major drama queen and right-wing wack job.

This person is a former classmate, who looks like Dita Von Teese. This person moved to my school in the 9th grade. I developed a crush on this new girl in school. One reason may have been because I noticed that she stared at me during class. To me, this was a sign that she liked me. I WAS WRONG. I wrote her a note I told he that I liked her. She never said anything to me about reading the note. As a matter of fact, she didn't say anything to me for a long time until one day before class she said, "I hate you. Don't talk to me." Granted, during my senior year she was more civil. I saw her a times after we graduated and she seemed friendly.

I joined Facebook because my classmates were planning a class reunion. Lo and behold, this person "friended" me. She now was married with kids and lived in another state. I soon came to regret this.

This former classmate seems to hate everyone. She hated liberals, the media (that makes two strikes against me), the government, the president, most major Hollywood stars (especially comedians who said something she found offensive), rap/hip hop artist, public schools, animal rights groups, feminist, scientist, Jewish people, Muslims, Catholics, African Americans, Asian Americans, gay people, Hispanics, Native Americans and anyone under 30.

Not only those people, but she seem to get into a fracas with some innocent person every time she left the house. She switched doctors and veterinarians (Her husband is a rancher) several times. She quit Walgreens because the didn't get her prescription filled on time. She then quit CVS because they pulled sponsorship from Glen Beck's show on Fox (She was also a big fan of Alex Jones). She had a dispute with Rite-Aid over something.

It gets better. She vowed never to got to Safeway again after they refused to make a woman leave the store because her two year old kept sticking his tongue out at her. Target also got the "never-set-foot-in-there-again" vow after the manager refused to fire a teenage checkout girl, who "snickered," because she was buying a package of Poise Pads.

The bad part was her friends were just as uptight, touchy and paranoid group of nitwits as she was. They were no help at all. Not one of these women ever posted a comment like, "You need to get a life" or "It is time you sought professional, psychiatric help." They would tell her that she was right to be angry or tell her about how it was all apart of some "conspiracy" against "good Americans."

In the end, being unfriended and this isn't a bad thing. Especially if it is someone who told you they hated you in 9th grade. Of course, my opinions are why I'm considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!    


Thursday, October 22, 2015

1977 HALLOWEEN SAFETY FILM SHOWS WHY I BELIEVE SOME PEOPLE MY AGE ARE SCREWED UP

I almost posted this first, but decided to post the 50s Halloween film first, so that watching this will be a jarring example of how attitudes changes toward kids and Halloween in over the course of two decades. The 50s film portrays Halloween as fun and games, while the 70s film portrays it as a dark and sinister world of multiple, suburban death traps.

Another thing to notice is that in the 50s film, the dog causes the problem, but is forgiven in the end. From the very beginning of the 1977 Halloween Safety film, the kids are relentlessly portrayed as the cause of countless problems, for drivers of large, gas guzzling cars, with their little Halloween antics and costumes. Of course, there are people who poison in the treats, so just have your parents throw all your candy away. The basic gist of this film is DON'T HAVE FUN.

This was an attitude that permeated my childhood in Missouri: FUN IS BAD. I mentioned it before, but the elementary school I attended in Lebanon, Missouri, only allowed the kindergartners to dress up or have any fun on Halloween, because "Halloween is a man made holiday" and "mature children don't trick or treat."

This was drilled into us as children, along with "You don't want to be like the previous generation." (Baby Boomers) My thought was "Why? They are having all the fun. I'm stuck here doing this worthless arithmetic junk." That usually got me slapped by the teacher (I'm against discipline and violence to children, but that is a topic for another time). 

What I'm seeing now is some people my age getting in trouble for various crimes and I think, "Wait a minute, these were the 'positive peer pressure - Just Say No' group. They signed contracts that said they would abstain from rock music, drugs and sex. What happened?"

My theory is these people tried to conform to the rigid ideas the adults of the community had about what a "good, responsible, mature kid" was supposed to be, that they eventually just snapped and broke the rules. Cranky adults robbed them of a fun and happy childhood by trying to force them into some idea of a perfect adult at a young age. On the other hand, I thought adults were full of BS, broke all the little rules and I've stayed out of trouble. As I always say, I hate adults, I'm ashamed I grew up to be one.

Another thing this rigid attitude by adults caused others of my generation to have a deep resentment towards today's kids. Every day I see this on Facebook with memes claiming that "In my day, we cured ADHD by beating kids with belts." Not only is advocating child abuse not funny, but the truth was they tried to cure ADHD by not allowing kids to drink any red Kool-Aid. The NO-FUN adult factor strikes again. Facebook has become a constant barrage of "kids are stupid" garbage that should have died out several years ago, but is rearing its ugly head with my "do-gooder" classmates.

Speaking of the previous generation, I have been forced to work with several of the talk radio ilk, who are proud that they were not part of the counter culture or into that rebellious stuff that other Baby Boomers did. These are people are not only bitter, cranky, little people, but they will stab you in the back and leave you for dead. I believe the proper word for that behavior is conniving.

So watch this film and realize that most of this is part of the "cranky adult" attitude that I've been fighting and thumbing my nose at since I was a kid. Following the rules laid out in this film, will make you have a boring Halloween and screw up a generation. Of course, this opinion is why I'm considered the SUPER-VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


Tuesday, December 23, 2014

PHOTOS OF THE ROCKETTES AND SEXY SANTA'S HELPERS TO OFFEND OZARKERS

I can honestly say that one of the best shows I ever saw in Branson, Missouri was the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes Christmas show. Sadly, it was only in Branson one year. This year in the Springfield, Missouri Christmas parade, there were some high school or college girls dressed in the "Santa's Helper" outfits, like the Rockettes were in their show. KYTV's Facebook page featured the photo (which is probably on the KY3 website if you can find it). You should have seen the stupid comments under it from a group of women who were offended by these young ladies' outfits. These were probably the same goofy women who were badmouthing some of the cherished TV specials of the holiday season such as Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.

So, being the mischievous blogger that I am, I present you some photos of the Rockettes in their Santa's Helper outfits and some other young ladies dressed the same way. If you like these kid of holiday shenanigans, check out these two post on Flashbak, from Yeoman Lowbrow.

















Sunday, September 29, 2013

I'M STILL A GENERATION X SLACKER AND PROUD OF IT!

In recent weeks, I've starting seeing articles about "What happened to the Generation X slackers?" Most of these articles surmised that they "grew up to be responsible, hard working adults." Whatever!

First off, I'm probably the only person who wasn't offended by either the term "Generation X" or "slacker." As a matter of fact, I liked because being a "slacker" kind of sounded like being a "hippie." We dressed kind of like hippies and had our own music and culture like the hippies. I, myself, had a soul patch, wore Converse Chuck Taylor sneakers and Bart Simpson T-shirt, usually carried a copy of both Rolling Stone and Spin with me, and listened to Nirvana, Blind Mellon and REM on my Walkman. I even read Generation X: Tales of an Accelerated Culture by Douglas Coupland, because I considered it a kind of Bible of the subculture I in which belonged.

Also, like the hippies, we were hated by a certain segment of the older generation. We were hated by Baby Boomers. According to them, we were lazy, stupid, arrogant and had no taste in music. Whatever!

I first realized how bad this bigotry and hatred was at the first job I had out of college.  I worked at one of the local newspapers. Among the career goals I had considered was to have my own syndicated newspaper column, sort of like Dave Barry, Joe Queenan, Art Buchwald and Ron Davis' Chatter in the News Leader. I had researched how to land a syndicated newspaper column and I knew I had to have tare sheets or clippings of an actual column to submit to a syndicate. My supervisor and managing editor was a Baby Boomer. When I told him that I wanted to write a column from a liberal Generation X perspective, he flew into a rage and snarled, "Absolutely not! Nobody cares what people of your generation's opinions."  Whatever! (I guess he would rather read Bill O'Rielly, or a column by his wife or a real estate guy, who thinks it is cool to use the word "cattywompus" in his radio commercials).

Another Baby Boomer that I've had the displeasure of working with, enjoyed making jokes on the radio about Generation Xer's "who get them thar big college degrees and wind up asking ya if ya want fries with yer burger." I should note that this guy DOESN'T HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE (but I've noticed several people people on Facebook, who are not college graduates, make this same stupid joke). He also didn't like that I had worked at the college radio station playing rock music. He didn't think that should be allowed on a radio station that received money from taxpayers. Whatever! (I didn't have the money to bribe a radio station to give me a radio show).

Most of these articles about "what happen to Generation X slackers" point out what we Generation X members already knew, we really weren't lazy or stupid. We quietly went to work, many times multi-tasking, doing things that we wanted to do and doing them our way. Granted, that has been hard for me to a degree, but I guess you could say this blog and my previous one is an example of me making the best of a bad situation and getting personal satisfaction from it, even if there isn't any pay. It is more for us personal rewards and goals than a huge house, fancy cars, stocks and bonds.


I discovered this video on You Tube about Millennials. Yes, every thing the actors playing Millennials in this video say Baby Boomers accuse them of are the same things they accused us Generation Xer's of. The only difference is you could substitute Brady Bunch for Full House and it is exactly the same thing I was hear nearly twenty years ago.

I should point out that the Baby Boomers who gave me grief about being a Generation X slacker were Republicans. They were not the cool Baby Boomers who would have cool stories about hitchhiking to a Grateful Dead concert in Laurel Canyon and seeing Tom Smothers and Peter Fonda in the crowd. These were the Baby Boomers have been wearing a suit and tie since they were 10 years old. They seem to be upset that I wasn't more concerned about "welfare queens" or "the drug epidemic." Whatever!

Those two Baby Boomers I mentioned above have probably come around to the fact that they like some Generation Xers. I know for a fact these two still hate my guts (And yes, they know each other because second one brags that his sister dated the first guy), so I know I'm not their ideal Gen Xer. Their ideal Generation Xer is this guy:

And this guy:


Whatever!

I'm know I'm way cooler than those two Preppies. You see, even though I have had to shave off the soul patch and wear dress clothes to work, I'm still the slacker in the Bart Simpson t-shirt, who reads Rolling Stone, watches MST3K and Beavis and Butthead, and can't decide whether his personal theme song should be "No Rain" or "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

Opinions, like these, are why I'm considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!    


Saturday, April 6, 2013

TO BE LEGITIMATE

I should have done this a long time ago during the heyday of the original blog, but I didn't think it would be important (I really never think anything is important in the grand scheme of the universe).

I have created a Mission Statement and Rules for Comments on my blog. I've been disgusted by comments I have seen left on You Tube and the local media Facebook sites as well as their public forums.

I wanted to also put down in writing what I want people to take away from this site and what I didn't want on it. I wanted to teach people to respect and enjoy pop culture as I do.

For the average person, who finds this site through Google, Yahoo or another search engine, this will not be a major concern. However, there are still flames of animosity smoldering from the days of the old blog here in Springfield (and Lebanon too), MO. There are also people in both communities who feel they should be able to use every forum on the Web to expose their obnoxious opinions. These people don't see this as a fun blog, but a threat to "the quality of life in the Ozarks" or "American family values." These people can post their hate, bigotry and hate speech on other forums here in the Ozarks all they want, but not here. I will keep their opinions off. That goes for people who hang around other websites like You Tube posting the same kind of garbage.

This is not to discourage posting but to cover myself in case any of our local activist type want to take me to court for hindering their free speech.

Of course, doing something, like this, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Friday, February 22, 2013

THE PANCAKES AND POPSICLES IPOD PLAYLIST


Most of the banners or cards on Facebook are either silly or insult my political beliefs. This one is funny because it pokes fun at the self righteous "kids-today-are worthless" garbage that many of the other banners and cards on Facebook tend to exposes.

I thought I would take a look at a few songs that should keep my generation and the Baby Boomer generation from being so high and mighty on the subject of "wholesome, family friendly" music.

So why did I entitle this post "Pancakes and Popsicles Ipod Playlist"? I used "pancakes" as a tip of the hat to Gilligan Newton-John of the Retrospace blog. He uses "pancakes" as a euphemism for certain activities. This was he can talk about how attitudes about "pancakes" have changed since the 60s, 70s and 80s, without attracting an unsavory crowd who are Googling the word that "pancakes" substitutes. Some cranky adults and Ozarkers  (Remember State Rep. Jean Dixon?) would say that all of these songs are "pancakes."

Those of you who read the old blog, may remember I used to poke fun at a certain Springfield talk radio show host. He used the word "Popsicles" as a euphemism for a part of the male anatomy. He would say that your truly didn't have the Popsicles to make fun of him in person. Why would I want to be face to face with this crazy nut? He threw a sack of tennis balls a former News Leader editor Tony Messenger because he said he didn't have any "Popsicles" (The sack of tennis balls was a metaphor for what he used the word "Popsicles" for on the radio). That is one of the reasons I had the photo of Paris Hilton eating a Popsicle that I used on my last post.

I guess you could say I have a lot of "Popsicles" to create an Ipod playlist about "pancakes."

"Push It" Salt N Peppa
"Me So Horny" 2 Live Crew
"You Shook Me All Night Long" AC/DC
"Sister Ray" Velvet Underground
"Little Girl" John & Jackie
"Je T'Aime...Moi Non Plus" Serge Gainsbourg & Jane Birkin
"Talk Dirty To Me" Poison
"Double Shot (Of My Baby's Love)" The Swinging Medallions
"Do It Again a Little Bit Slower" Jon & Robin and The Crowd (written by a guy from Springfield, MO)
"Miracles" Jefferson Starship
"Physical" Olivia Newton-John
"Sugar Walls" Sheena Easton
"Imaginary Lover" Atlanta Rhythm Section
"Can Your Pussy Do The Dog?" The Cramps
"Turning Japanese" The Vapors
"Sex Dwarf" Soft Cell
"Blister In the Sun" Violent Femmes
"O.P.P" Naughty By Nature
"Let's Spend The Night Together" The Rolling Stones
"Take It Off" The Donnas
"Do You Wanna Touch?" Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
"She Bop" Cyndi Lauper
"Sweet Cream Ladies" The Box Tops
"Flesh For Fantasy" Billy Idol
"Love To Love You Baby" Donna Summer
"Cherry Hill Park" Billy Joe Royal
"Rhapsody In the Rain" Lou Christie
"Naughty Naughty" John Parr
"Humpin" The Gap Band
"Good Girls Don't" The Knack
"Cherry Pie" Warrant
"I Want To Do Something Freaky To You" Leon Haywood
"Hot Rod Hearts" Robbie Dupree
"Don't Touch Me There" The Tubes
"Kama Sutra" Bonzo Dog Band
"Let's Pretend We're Married" Prince

There are enough of these for a second "pancake" Ipod playlist. I hope people are not getting too tired of the Ipod playlist. You must understand I'm a frustrated radio program director at heart 

          

Sunday, October 21, 2012

TWILIGHT: OZARKS STYLE

The hottest phenomenon with teenagers in the past few years has been Twilight.  Most teenagers will tell you if they are Team Edward or Team Jacob.

Of course, if kids or teenagers like it, the Springfield News Leader and the Lebanon Daily Record will run several letters to the editor by magot-brained adults, who don't allow their kids to read, view or own anything Twilight because they feel it is "evil." Yes, these idiots are proud of being abusive parents, who tell their kids what they can or can't read or watch. Would Ozarkers be more receptive if you created a Twilight story that took place in the Ozarks?

Let change the main character to a male high school student, who moves from southern California to small Ozarks town called Spoons, Missouri. He falls in love with a girl named Velda. He is drawn to Velda even though he suffers from strange pains and feels disoriented while he is around her. It turns she is a witch.
He is told by another student, Wiley, that he can't be in love with Velda because she is dating Blaine Alucard, a rich spoiled vampire boy. His father is president of the bank and chairman of the local Republican party. When Blaine doesn't get his way, he tell everyone how much money his father makes. "The Alucards are a pioneer family. My daddy owns most of the builds in this community." He wears Izod sweaters and Dockers.
I should mention that Wiley is a werewolf or as he pronounces it "war-woof." He wears a straw cowboy hat, drives 4x4 pickup truck with a "Nobama-You can keep your change" bumper sticker and a confederate flag in the window, listens to Hank Williams Jr and Lynard Skynard, wears t-shirts that say "I'm a American (he pronounces it "Muricun") by birth, but a werewolf by the grace of God." If he gets into a fight, the first think he does is take off his shirt. He and his werewolf buddies drink Keystone Light and chew Red Man.
Velda had previously dated Tagg, a "patchwork" zombie, who plays football. If he gets hurt on the playing field, they just replace the injured part from another corpse.
This is just a rough idea, so far. 

Thursday, October 11, 2012

MY 3rd GRADE REPORT ON DRACULA THAT NEVER HAPPENED

I was watching a documentary on the history of Dracula last night, when I remembered something from my horrific childhood in Lebanon, Missouri.

In the third grade, my teacher's name was Mrs. Torquemada (Okay, that wasn't her real name, but I changed so I don't get complaints from her family and friends). SHE HATED ME! She also told my mother that I was "worthless." Even the other children in class knew it, because one of them told my mom, "Mrs. Torquemada hates Desdinova."

It didn't help that I went to a really bad elementary school, then called Mark Twain Elementary School (now called Boswell Elementary). The only thing about Mark Twain that was even represented at the school was the fact that the principal and many of the teachers treated kids the way Aunt Polly treated Huck Finn. Principal Betty Moore threatened everyone with a spanking from a large board she kept in her office. It was kind of a Republican/Baptist gulag. Other schools the kids got to dress up on Halloween, but only kindergartners were allowed to dress up on Halloween at Mark Twain Elementary. This was because Halloween was a "man made holiday" and dressing up for Halloween was is "immature." I really wished I had grown up in a community with more respect for its children. One of those communities where every child is given an award just for participating and nobody gets spanked. Unfortunately, I had to grow up in this nightmarish Hell-world known as the Ozarks...but I am off the subject.

We were told we would have to pick out a person a historical figure to write a report about. I had read in an Electric Company magazine and seen on the TV show In Search Of that there really was a person named Count Dracula. I even knew what he looked like because there were pictures of him (Above) and what was left of his castle in Transylvania, which had only recently been discovered.

Unfortunately, one of the rules to this assignment (Mrs. Torquemada and Mark Twain Elementary were BIG on rules) was that you could only use the World Book Encyclopedias that were in the class room. If your subject wasn't in those World Books, you didn't get to write on the subject you wanted. Apparently, the jugheads at World Book Encyclopedia didn't think that Vlad Tepes Dracula, the 15th century Romanian prince, who impaled people and inspired a famous literary vampire, was worthy of inclusion in their precious little encyclopedia.

To make this situation even worse, old Mrs. Torquemada said I was making the whole thing up and that there wasn't a real person in history named Dracula. She said I couldn't tell the difference between fantasy and reality. I was forced to write a report on a "real" historical figure. I can't remember who I wrote that report on, probably someone boring and unimportant like George Washington or Thomas Jefferson.

Vlad Tepes Dracula III
These days you can find anything on the Internet and more than likely there would be information in the World Book (If they still have them) on Vlad Tepes Dracula. You might even find him mentioned in a section on "Cruel Heartless Dictators." Next to his name would be Mrs. Torquemada, my third grade teacher from Mark Twain Elementary.

Of course, Halloween post, like this one, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 

Saturday, September 1, 2012

A TOUCH OF GREY KIND OF SUITS YOU ANYWAY

The LHS Class of 1987 had trouble making an 8.
I recently attended my 25th year class reunion. Yeah, I'm surprised they invited me too. I wasn't exactly the most well liked person at Lebanon High School. 1987?!?! What can be said about 1987? As many of you who read this know, I'm not a "my-generation-is-better-than-your-generation" type of person. To be quite honest there was many things on TV, movies and in music back in 1987 that SUCKED BIG TIME!


I was looking at the various radio survey charts on ARSA, I began to notice that there were some of the music between September of 1986 and June of 1987 was really wimpy. Radio airwaves were ruled by Whitney Houston.  I think this may explain why I became interested in classic rock and college rock (later to be known as alternative). It also was one of the reasons I wanted to get into radio. I felt I needed to be a program director to change the kind of music that was getting on the air. Of course, I also would listen to Woody P. Snow on KXUS and Dr. Don Carpenter on Rock 99 (KWTO-FM) on my way to school. I began thinking, "This would be a perfect job for me. I could be a wild and outrageous morning show host." Sadly, the consolidation of ownership in radio has lead to the demise of both of these jobs in many areas. During that time, you could tape your favorite song off radio. There seemed to be quite a few good Top 40 stations in the area. I just didn't appreciate it at the time. During the 90s, there was about one real Top 40/CHR station in the area. I will have to say things are swinging back to the way they were in the 80s. Now would be a good time for kids in the Ozarks to tape their favorite songs off of the radio, if they still do that.

I knew I wanted to be involved in the media. I decided as another option to radio I thought a great job would be program director at an independent TV station. Back in the 80s, independent TV stations were fun because they had to fill there time with what ever they could. Usually, old movies, old TV shows and old cartoons. Three things happened that changed that: 1) upstart networks like Fox and CW (originally the WB),  2) Specialty cable networks like TV Land, Turner Classic Movies, AMC, and Boomerang, 3) infomercials or pre-paid programs. Many independent TV stations became Fox or  CW affiliates, which took up the evening hours with their programing. As the cable networks became popular, many independent TV stations got it through their heads that since many older shows and movies were on cable, why duplicate their programing. The alternative (at least in this area) is run infomercials and prepaid package shows that are usually bad "judge" programs or bad "infotainment" shows.

I went to college to get a degree in media. During that time, I would attend seminars in K.C with a group called International Association of Business Communicators. I was told by these K.C and St. Louis business people that a media would be the ticket in the door to a high paying job in any field, not just media. Not only did businesses in Springfield, Lebanon and the surrounding are not get the memo on that, they seem to be against hiring anyone with a authentic college education. They seem to either want someone with an MBA from some fly-by-night school that holds classes in a bank after hours or no post-high school education. 

David Rasche as Sledge Hammer "Trust Me, I know what I'm doing." 

One of my favorite TV shows during my senior years was a satirical sitcom called Sledge Hammer! (Yes, there was an exclamation point at the end of the title). I think this may have gave birth to my love of broad satire. For those who never saw the show (It was one of the lowest rated shows during its two year run), Sledge Hammer! was to Dirty Harry and Hunter, what Get Smart was to James Bond and the Man from U.N.C.L.E.   The main character, Sledge Hammer (played by Missouri born actor David Rasche), was an overly enthusiastic plain-clothes, police detective, who talked to his 44 Magnum. Sledge liked to use excessive violence, such as firing a warning shot a jaywalker, using a bazooka to stop a sniper on the roof of a building and target practicing with his 44 Magnum in his apartment. He also spouted outrageous lines that were a satirical poke at macho, conservative types in 1987. The bad part is when you watch the episodes now, you notice that the stuff Sledge says isn't as stupid as the things being said by most talk radio show host or congressional Republicans (especially the ones from Missouri). As a matter of fact, watching another 80s sitcom, Family Ties, I notice that the then popular neo-con sitcom character Alex P. Keaton is seems like an antiquated character. Sadly, Alex is a fantasy, while Sledge has become a reality. Yipes!

Babe bashing not allowed in 1987.

One of my other obsessions at that time was girls. One reason I wanted to be in the media was in hopes of scoring the ultimate babe. I thought the women would be crawling all over me because I was either on radio or TV. I could see myself dating a supermodel, bikini model or female newscaster. Never happened sadly. Let me point out here something that has changed for the worst, men's opinions of famous women. I have seen horrible things posted about famous women on Yahoo, MSN, Facebook and You Tube about Katy Perry, Paris Hilton, Holly Madison, or Kim Kardashian. We didn't have these websites in the 80s, but if any guy had said some of these things about Cindy Crawford, Cindy Brinkley, Brooke Shields, Elle McPherson, Kim Bassinger or Kathy Ireland people would have wondered about their sanity, libido or manners. It seems to be these comments are made by redneck who pose for their profile photo in front of a Confederate flag or by people who use a photo of John Wayne or Ronald Reagan for their profile photo. It seems to make these little wanna-be men feel macho, but it just shows how low on the evolutionary chart they are. I guess sex was more important in the good ole days of 1987. 
  
I started working on this post about three weeks ago, I realize that I've taken most of the changes in stride. I don't get bent out of shape about everything younger people do. As a matter of fact, most of my best friends are younger than me. I also don't feel a need to be superior to them. I think I have younger friends because I really haven't changed since I was in high school. I have the same ultra-laid back attitude about things. A case in point would be a discussion I had with an older co-worker about a LHS Class of 87 member who allegedly defrauded a Lebanon boat manufacture of a large sum of money. This co-worker was shocked when I said, "So what. Its a big corporation. They make plenty of money. They won't miss it and will get over it." My co-worker seems to be part of that "Standing up for what's right" school of radio philosophy, where as I share the philosophy of the late Bill Drake, "The hits just keep a-coming!" Of course, this co-worker also thinks an auctioneer should host a radio show.


I think the song from that year that for me sums up my thoughts on graduating from LHS 1987  would be the song that I first heard on the radio as I left the run through for the graduation ceremony. It was by "Touch of Grey" by the Grateful Dead. It would become their only Top 40 and Top 10 hit. "We will get by. We will survive."

Of course, opinions, like the ones expressed here, explains why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!   
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