DESDINOVA'S FAVORITE CHUCK BERRY SONGS

A few years ago, I was writing a novel about a boy, named George Marter, growing up in Missouri in the 50s. At one point, a teacher tells him that he needs to know about David Rice Atchison, because he was the 'greatest man to ever come from Missouri.'  George Marter replies to the teacher, "As far as I'm concerned the greatest man to come from Missouri is Chuck Berry."

Needless to say, I haven't finished it and may never (I may go into the details on why in another post). During the writing of that novel, I listened to the music of the era and some of the best music of that era came from CHUCK BERRY.

I had been a fan of his music since I heard it as a child during the 50s nostalgia craze of the 70s. It also was a staple on those quickly disappearing things known as Oldies radio stations. Listening to his music again, via two greatest hits CDs, and mixed with some of the other stuff from that era (see my previous post on annoying music) you realize why Chuck Berry was important to the development of rock and roll. He took the blues, played it fast and wrote it for a younger teenage audience. His songs were about school, racing cars, dating and being a rock and roll fan. He also invented the guitar riff and the guitar solo.

Here are a list of my favorite Chuck Berry songs:

1. "Johnny B. Goode"
2. "Brown Eyed Handsome Man"
3. "Roll Over Beethoven"
4. "Sweet Little Sixteen"
5. "Nadine"
6. "Maybellene"
7. "Thirty Days"
8. "Come On"
9. "You Never Can Tell"
10. "School Days"
11. "Rock & Roll Music"
12. "Run Run Rudolph"
13. "No Particular Place To Go"
14. "Back In the U.S.A"
15. "Promise Land"

Hail Hail Rock & Roll!

THAT SEX EDUCATION TV SPECIAL FILMED IN MY HOMETOWN

I post many videos on this blog that I hope will evoke some memories of the past for readers. This one is a little more personal. This video, that I found on YouTube, is a personal trip back in time for me. This is The Body Human: Facts for Girls. Why would a TV special explaining puberty to girls be like a time machine to me? The reason is it was filmed in my hometown of Lebanon, Missouri.

In the late 70s and early 80s, CBS would run a health/science documentaries called The Body Human. Most of these were very technical and deep programs narrated by a Shakespearean actor named Alexander Scourby.

In 1980, CBS decided to make some episodes devoted to puberty. I'm not sure how our town or how the girls featured in the show were chosen, but it was a big deal.  Originally, it was announced that Ken Howard, star of The White Shadow, would be filming a "Facts for Boys" episode in Lebanon at the same time as Marlo Thomas was filming the "Facts for Girls." Turns out the "Facts for Boys" episode was filmed in Oregon and only the "Facts for Girls" was filmed in Lebanon.

Watching this video, for me, was a time machine back to my youth. I see what the Sonic, McDonalds and Wendys used to looked like in 1980. I see businesses that are no longer around like that convenience store on next to Sonic with the large neon sing that said "GAS,"  IGA and the old Star Theater (which was always behind on showing movies - Electric Horseman was already a year old). Also houses and buildings that are long gone, like that abandoned Candy Store across from the junior high.

I recognize many people I attended school with and many of them I still see when I'm in Lebanon, so I won't make jokes about anything they do in this video. Although I will say if those girls at the slumber party were so excited about boys, why didn't any of them look me up (I'm still available). It is jarring to think that we were so young.

This doesn't not have as much awkward stuff in it as the "Facts for Boys," which included a boy having way too much fun with his dog and a wiener roast (in a sex ed documentary for boys - think about it).

I question why the producers used two songs from the 50s in this, although the rest of it has Bee Gees and Donna Summer, which was contemporary at the time. Also the graphic used to explain menstruation is accompanied by some cool, electronic prog rock. I didn't know menstruation sounded like a Yes song (or King Crimson?)

Something I will say about this, while looking back: PHIL DONAHUE IS ONE OF THE LUCKIEST MEN ALIVE. This was filmed shortly after his marriage to Marlo Thomas. She is gorgeous in this, even while talking about puberty to girls. The one moment that has been burned in my memory, from the first time I saw this , was Marlo Thomas sitting in the grassy center of the track at Lebanon High School (which was fairly new at the time), wearing a nice, white athletic suit and telling the three girls, "I started my period today." Now that is what I call a great moment in television.

I should mention this aired locally on KOLR and was highly promoted. Unfortunatly, I didn't see it when it first aired. It aired at 3:30 p.m. and I didn't get home from school until 4 p.m. This was during the Dark Ages before VCRs or TiVo, so I didn't get to see it until it was shown to our P.E. class in 7th grade. Handy to show something made local for sex education.

Even if you all ready know the "Facts for Girls" enjoy looking at small town kids in 1980. The music, clothes and life.


      

   

CHRISTMAS CAROL GIVEAWAY BOOK FROM THE 50S

This a book of Christmas carol that was given away for free by businesses in the 50s. This one is from Wickham Gardens in Springfield, Missouri. I obtained it at a garage sale this summer. These are mostly  familiar religious Christmas songs with three older secular Christmas songs.  Each song features a history of the song at the bottom of the page.

Two songs I am unfamiliar with, one is sacred, entitled "Angels From the Realms of Glory," and the other is called "The Boar's Head Carol."

 

PHOTOS OF THE ROCKETTES AND SEXY SANTA'S HELPERS TO OFFEND OZARKERS

I can honestly say that one of the best shows I ever saw in Branson, Missouri was the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes Christmas show. Sadly, it was only in Branson one year. This year in the Springfield, Missouri Christmas parade, there were some high school or college girls dressed in the "Santa's Helper" outfits, like the Rockettes were in their show. KYTV's Facebook page featured the photo (which is probably on the KY3 website if you can find it). You should have seen the stupid comments under it from a group of women who were offended by these young ladies' outfits. These were probably the same goofy women who were badmouthing some of the cherished TV specials of the holiday season such as Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.

So, being the mischievous blogger that I am, I present you some photos of the Rockettes in their Santa's Helper outfits and some other young ladies dressed the same way. If you like these kid of holiday shenanigans, check out these two post on Flashbak, from Yeoman Lowbrow.

LAUREN BACALL IN THE COOLEST PHOTO OF A PRESIDENT EVER

I remember seeing this photo of President Harry Truman many years ago, but could not remember who identity of the woman sitting on the piano. It was Lauren Bacall, who passed away today (8-12-2014).

For many people of my generation, our first knowledge of Lauren Bacall was through this song, "Key Largo," by Bertie Higgins.

I WAS KICKED OUT OF THE AMAZON ASSOCIATES PROGRAM (Because I'm from Missouri)

This is going to be an odd post. This may dip into the nasty political waters of the old blog, but I hope to steer clear of that mess.

I received an e-mail from Amazon.com yesterday. Here is what it said:

"Greetings from the Amazon Associates Program.

We are writing from the Amazon Associates Program to notify you that your Associates account will be closed and your Amazon Services LLC Associates Program Operating Agreement will be terminated effective August 27, 2013. This is a direct result of the unconstitutional Missouri state tax collection legislation passed by the state legislature and signed by Governor Nixon on July 5, 2013, with an effective date of August 28, 2013. As a result, we will no longer pay any advertising fees for customers referred to an Amazon Site after August 27 nor will we accept new applications for the Associates Program from Missouri residents.

Please be assured that all qualifying advertising fees earned prior to August 28, 2013 will be processed and paid in full in accordance with your regular advertising fee schedule. Based on your account closure date of August 27, 2013, any final payments will be paid by October 31, 2013.

While we oppose this unconstitutional state legislation, we strongly support the federal Marketplace Fairness Act now pending before Congress. Congressional legislation is the only way to create a simplified, constitutional framework to resolve interstate sales tax issues and it would allow us to re-open our Associates program to Missouri residents.

We thank you for being part of the Amazon Associates Program, and look forward to re-opening our program when Congress passes the Marketplace Fairness Act.


Sincerely,

The Amazon Associates Team"

Am I upset about this? No. Why? Let me explain:

I understand the reasoning behind the legislation. I usually think everything the Missouri Legislature does is stupid, however, this is something I agree with.

If Missouri is the only state that is now requiring state sales tax on on-line sales, why ban everyone from Missouri from the Amazon Associates sales program? Childish if you ask me.

The main reason this doesn't upset me...I HAVEN'T SOLD A DAMN THING SINCE I HAVE BEEN WITH THE AMAZON ASSOCIATES PROGRAM. I started using the program with this blog because of the nature of the content. I thought it would be a great way to direct people to find songs to download or DVDs of movies and TV shows. I was especially impressed by the MP3 download widget. I loaded it with the more obscure songs mentioned here.

Nobody downloaded a song or bought a DVD. According to my stats, only 40 percent of refereals came from my sight.

I also had trouble with some of the linking and codes. They caused problems with the post structure and became time consuming. I tried to contact Amazon about this, but I couldn't find a direct way to talk to a tech person. The only resource was to "post on a message board," which for some reason wouldn't allow me to register even though I was an associated.

Another widget was supposed to update automatically with offers on merchandise related to the post on the blog. This widget didn't update very often. At first I was okay with it, because it showed some 80s hit compilations. After I had a post where I said The Man From UNCLE was cooler than 24, it showed Man from UNCLE and 24 DVDs. That was okay. Since January, when I posted an obit for actor Conrad Bain, it has showed nothing but Conrad Bain related merchandise. Not items people are clamoring to buy.

So, Amazon Associates, I'm not going to miss you, because you really haven't done anything for me. To quote the Boyce and Hart song "You can't lose a friend you never had."  

OZARKERS HAVE PUT UP WITH ME FOR 6 YEARS NOW

Yes, it has been six years since started the old blog. We were suffering through an ice storm at the time. I commented on current events in my own satirical manner. After all, I grew up watching people like Bob Hope, Johnny Carson, David Letterman, Mark Russell, The Smothers Brothers and the various stars of Laugh-In and  Saturday Night Live make jokes about current events, why couldn't I. I also created a persona of a crazy mad scientist/super-villain. I used every cliched phrase used by super-villains and mad scientist in comic books, movie serials and Saturday morning cartoons. I thought it was funny. Apparently, most Ozarkers didn't watch the same cartoons I did. THEY REALLY BELIEVED I WAS SOME SORT OF TERRORIST PLANING TO TAKE OVER THE COUNTRY!

One of the reasons I stopped allowing comments on the old blog was because of the stupid comments from people who obviously didn't get the joke. The bad part is that many of these people would leave their full names. I really didn't want them to be embarrassed. I would say something like "Soon I make myself emperor of America! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" The next day someone would leave a long explanation of why the Constitution wouldn't allow me to be the emperor. Once I said I was going to "Rule the world" and that "every knee will bow to Desdinova!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" The next day I had at least two different post from people saying, "I will only bow to the Lord Jesus Christ." That made me feel like dirt. Another post from a guy named Carl said, "As long as I got me a gun I won't be bowing to you. Stupid Lefty!" Comments like these were very bad for my self esteem.

There was also a person at my work, who asked if I could go back to allowing comments, so he could debate me. I said no, "Do you really think it is going to make you look intelligent debating a guy, who calls himself a super-villain and mad scientist, claims to live under Park Central Square and claims to have a giant robot and a death ray?" It made this guy mad, BUT HONESTLY!


The funny thing is, THE SECOND POST I MADE EXPLAINED THE CONCEPT TO PEOPLE!!! Here is what I posted:
"Maybe I should have posted this first. I feel that in this day of silly disclaimers ('Please do not put child in dish washer' or 'Toilet seat should not be used as a flotation device') I should have one too. There are some very litigious individuals out in our world.I am not a real super-villain. I don’t really have a death ray or the ability to throw balls of lightning. I’m not trying to take over the world and enslave people. So don't report me to Homeland Security or Springfield PD. You'd end up looking like an idiot.

I’m just a regular guy with an off beat sense of humor, off beat taste in music and (according to some) off beat political views. I’m really a nice guy if you know me. Very little of what you should read here should be taken seriously. I just like to make jokes about things going on and the folly of others. It is like Oscar Wilde said, "Life is too important to be taken seriously." Ozarks tend to be upset about the wrong things. A few years back a Southern Baptist minister came to the community I grew up. He worked to get the local cable company to drop MTV, tried to get the local newspaper cartoonist fired over a cartoon showing the Southern Baptist lynching Mickey Mouse, and trying to keep grocery stores and restaurants from selling liquor. While all of this was going on there were several unsolved murders, spouse and child abuse increased, hate groups and meth dealers moved in. Eventually people woke up and said, "What happened to our community?" Well, they ignored the real problems while getting upset about things that really didn’t matter.
Getting mad at me won’t do any good. Making a fuss over something I said would be silly, because I’m just being silly myself. Just relax, read and enjoy.
As Red Skelton used to say, "It’s a lot of fun to try and make people laugh because regardless of what your heartache might have been, while laughing for a few seconds you have forgotten about it. I personally believe that each and every one of us put here for a purpose and that is to build and not to destroy. And if by chance someday you’re not feeling well, you should remember some silly little thing that I’ve said or done and it brings back a smile to your face and a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled." (Aren't you glad I didn't quote that highly overrated record he made about the Pledge of Allegiance)." 

WHAT PART OF THAT DID OZARKERS NOT UNDERSTAND??? I have it on good authority that several people called Springfield PD and ask why they were not conducting an investigation into who I was. In another instance, a frantic woman called Springfield PD after reading this post and asked if they were "going to stop Desdinova's robot from stomping on her house." Instead of calling the police, she should have celebrated Kwanzaa (BTW-The robot in the picture is only 6 inches tall. I gave it to my 2 year old great-nephew. He calls it a wo-bot).

You see, my anonymity was a major issue with my critics. I'm not sure what the big deal was. Now that I'm a retro blogger, it is not an issue, because most retro bloggers don't use their real name. I will admit much of the controversy surrounding the old blog came from my making fun of and criticizing talk radio. Especially one former talk radio show host here in Springfield, MO. He made an issue of my existence on his radio show. He also had several fans who started blogs and THEY ALL HATED ME! I even had some co-workers, who liked that guy so much they wanted me fired because I made fun of him. Once he was fired from his job, the old blog was kind of like David Frye after President Nixon resigned or Yakov Smirnoff after the end of Communism. Soon those other blogs disappeared as well. After the demise of the Blog Net News, I had a hard time finding topics. There were a few blogs on that site that I poked fun at calling them "weenie blogs," because they were mainly conservative or libertarian bloggers who seemed to be whining and crying after the 2008 presidential election (Although "weenie" came from the cartoon I posted on the original post - a double entendre).
    
The old blog proved one thing to me: OZARKERS HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE OF HUMOR! Besides the people who I were told called the Springfield police about me, you wouldn't believe some of the dumb reactions from the "weenie blogs" over some of my post. One person started a blog a week after mine. This person was upset because in my profile I said that I wanted to "outlaw talk radio and country music." Whoever this would be blogger was only had about three post after that and never posted again. I think most extreme was a blogger here is Springfield, who was so upset that I said Paris Hilton was better looking than Sarah Pailin, that they wrote a post condemning me for that remark that, when I printed it off of my computer, was 30 pages long. GET A LIFE, BUSTER!!! If find it interesting that these bloggers, who hated me so bad that they called me "hateful,""traitor," "unpleasant" and "coward" cannot be found anymore. Most of their "weenie blogs" are gone. Oh, and who can forget the obsessive Dark Knight fan, who said I was "suffering from being a douchebag." 

I'm actually glad I switched to being a retro blog. I don't feel rushed to comment on anything and I get to take time to post about things I want to post about. Feedback can be slow coming, but this time the feedback has been all positive. No death threats.

Even though I stopped updating the old blog on a regular basis, I have left it up for all to see, with the exception of a few post that I removed because they were irrelevant. Last year, I received some positive feedback on something I posted on the old blog in September of 2009. I'm always amazed a how some post are up for along time before I get a response. I was contacted through my Facebook site about a post entitled "THE LEGEND OF SHEBA THE BELLY DANCER." This unusual and rather sad story from Springfield, Missouri's history would make one Hell of a movie. I was contacted by the daughter of "Sheba the Belly Dancer" (That was her stage name. I chose to respect the family's privacy and not mention her real name). She was small when the events took place and didn't understand what exactly happened that lead to her mother's death. She praised my post for filling in the details. She thanked me for showing interest in her mother's story. I guess the original blog served a good purpose even though most of Springfield and the Ozarks hated it.

And that is why I'm still the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

BTW: More people have found the original blog just searching for the "ugly hillbilly boys" photo than they have searching for a particular topic. So why not put it on this blog.
    

Fontella Bass dies; singer of "Rescue Me" : Stltoday

Fontella Bass dies; singer of "Rescue Me" was a hit in U.S. and a bigger hit in Europe : Stltoday

WHY I STOPPED TALKING ABOUT POLITICS AND CURRENT NEWS

Someone sent me an e-mail asking why I wasn't posting anything about politics. Andy Cline of Rhetorica once said I wrote some of the best satire of anyone. He was one of the few who liked it.
Not only were there many people in the Ozarks who didn't like it. I received many death threats, mainly from an idiot at Mansfield, Mo. The main problem was some people in the local media, including co-workers, who didn't like it. They felt I made fun of the wrong people or things. I've been told I've been blacklisted by at least one of the radio clusters here in Springfield (Clear Channel). The co-workers who didn't like my opinions went to management and tried to get me fired.
I should note that I'm not angry about the state of the country like I was when I first started the old blog, however, I am not happy with the state of the Ozarks. I may never be. I've hated the Ozarks since I was in elementary school.
I have figured out that nothing makes Ozarkers more upset than someone having fun, being entertained and not griping about politics. So that is what I am doing with my current blog. I'm entertaining people.  I'm much happier and I'm having fun. The response is much slower but has always been very positive. That is what I like.

MY 3rd GRADE REPORT ON DRACULA THAT NEVER HAPPENED

I was watching a documentary on the history of Dracula last night, when I remembered something from my horrific childhood in Lebanon, Missouri.

In the third grade, my teacher's name was Mrs. Torquemada (Okay, that wasn't her real name, but I changed so I don't get complaints from her family and friends). SHE HATED ME! She also told my mother that I was "worthless." Even the other children in class knew it, because one of them told my mom, "Mrs. Torquemada hates Desdinova."

It didn't help that I went to a really bad elementary school, then called Mark Twain Elementary School (now called Boswell Elementary). The only thing about Mark Twain that was even represented at the school was the fact that the principal and many of the teachers treated kids the way Aunt Polly treated Huck Finn. Principal Betty Moore threatened everyone with a spanking from a large board she kept in her office. It was kind of a Republican/Baptist gulag. Other schools the kids got to dress up on Halloween, but only kindergartners were allowed to dress up on Halloween at Mark Twain Elementary. This was because Halloween was a "man made holiday" and dressing up for Halloween was is "immature." I really wished I had grown up in a community with more respect for its children. One of those communities where every child is given an award just for participating and nobody gets spanked. Unfortunately, I had to grow up in this nightmarish Hell-world known as the Ozarks...but I am off the subject.

We were told we would have to pick out a person a historical figure to write a report about. I had read in an Electric Company magazine and seen on the TV show In Search Of that there really was a person named Count Dracula. I even knew what he looked like because there were pictures of him (Above) and what was left of his castle in Transylvania, which had only recently been discovered.

Unfortunately, one of the rules to this assignment (Mrs. Torquemada and Mark Twain Elementary were BIG on rules) was that you could only use the World Book Encyclopedias that were in the class room. If your subject wasn't in those World Books, you didn't get to write on the subject you wanted. Apparently, the jugheads at World Book Encyclopedia didn't think that Vlad Tepes Dracula, the 15th century Romanian prince, who impaled people and inspired a famous literary vampire, was worthy of inclusion in their precious little encyclopedia.

To make this situation even worse, old Mrs. Torquemada said I was making the whole thing up and that there wasn't a real person in history named Dracula. She said I couldn't tell the difference between fantasy and reality. I was forced to write a report on a "real" historical figure. I can't remember who I wrote that report on, probably someone boring and unimportant like George Washington or Thomas Jefferson.

Vlad Tepes Dracula III

These days you can find anything on the Internet and more than likely there would be information in the World Book (If they still have them) on Vlad Tepes Dracula. You might even find him mentioned in a section on "Cruel Heartless Dictators." Next to his name would be Mrs. Torquemada, my third grade teacher from Mark Twain Elementary.

Of course, Halloween post, like this one, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!