Thursday, November 1, 2012

WHY BEING A MONSTER KID IN THE OZARKS IS HELL

I'm proud to say I was a monster kid and I STILL AM. As a kid, I read Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine and the first record I owned was Monster Mash (It was a bad Peter Pan version, but the cover art was great) and one of my favorite toys was a Colorforms Castle Dracula playset. I wanted to say that because in the Ozarks, being a monster kid is considered a bad thing. In the Ozarks, a "good person" starts off being a St. Louis Cardinals fan at a young age, then grows up to become a Republican. I, of course, had to be different and start off a monster kid and grow up to be a Democrat. I'm a "bad person." Most Ozarkers believe that monster kids grow up to be serial killers.

Admittedly, things were actually better for monster kids when I was younger. Locally, KMTC (Channel 27) ran old horror films til dawn on Friday and Saturday night. Off and on they were hosted by a host named Dr. Dead (The actor who played Dr. Dead was later Sammy B. Goode on KSPR in the 80s). Also, at this time, CBS Late Movie featured many great horror movies.

In 1988, I had the pleasure of working on The Late Night Horror Show with Count Norlock at KSPR (that is a picture of one of the promotional materials above). Sadly, it only lasted one summer. I'm very proud of my work on this TV show, yet I have been in job interviews with local companies and they have insulted me over having this on my resume.

I tried for most of the 90s to try to interest the local TV stations in doing a horror movie show with myself as the host. I was treated with distain and verbal abuse to just the old excuse of "Ozarkers/advertisers don't like that sort of thing."

As far as over-the-air broadcasting goes, there has only been one attempt to do a show of this kind since Count Norlock. I can't remember what it was called, but it was hosted by Kevin and Liz from the Alice 95.5 Morning Show. There is a show on Mediacom public access, The New Uncle Gregory Horror Hour, that can also be viewed on the Internet at the show's website.

As I mentioned, the local media doesn't want to produce a horror movie show. All I can gather on the reason for this attitude is that some of the local ad agencies didn't like the Late Night Horror Show with Count Norlock and they are probably the one who have cultivated this animosity toward the Count Norlock show, people associated with it and horror movie shows in general (I want to note that one of the directors/producers on the Count Norlock show was Joe Bauer, who was responsible for the visual effects on Elf, Get Smart and Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer).

To make things even more frustrating, you can't even find a good horror film on local late night TV. All you can find on local TV late at night is this douchebag:

This guy is usually on every channel when I come home late from work. His name is Dean Graziosi and he is the star of the worst made infomercials ever made (Looks like he just points the camera at himself, turns it on and starts talking). He tells people they can make millions in real estate and he will show you how. He is really a scam artist. Why is he on local TV? Because he pays to be on TV.  The same with TriVita and its Nopela, a concoction from cactus berries that makes women cry on camera (At least that is what I got out of the infomercial). TriVita is referred to a Multi-Level Marketing by its sycophantic minions. This is a politically correct term for pyramid scheme. They pay to be on-air so they can rip desperate people off.

The Ozarks Correctness (as opposed to being politically correct which is based in logic-Ozarks Correctness isn't) mongers will tell you this is a good thing.  They will say horror films are evil and children shouldn't stay up late watching them on TV. Also, a redneck told us that he thought horror movie shows are stupid and we always take the opinion of rednecks over someone with a Bachelor of Science in electronic media. They will also tell you that real estate people are better than everyone else and we should worship them, because they make tons of money. They will also tell you that a pyramid scheme shouldn't be illegal because the only people, who think it is a scam are the people who don't work hard enough to be successful at it. They will also say business people shouldn't have to answer to the government or law enforcement. Also, the only people who should have access to local TV and radio are the people who can pay to be on-the-air.

And then, they will say that business people don't want to advertise on horror movies and that adults don't like horror movies. These the same reason the local radio stations won't play Halloween music like they do Christmas music (Since Halloween is over, I'm sure KGBX will start their usual wall-to-wall Christmas music puke-fest. I can make fun of this since I've been banned from working for the local Clear Channel/Bain Capital cluster).

I HATE ADULTS - I'M ASHAMED TO BE ONE!

Of course, an opinion, like this one, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


    

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

If you were involved with "The Late Night Horror Show with Count Norlock," then I say "Thank you very much." I attended college in Springfield when the show was on and even met Jim Kellett a few times while working for SMSU Security.

I loved the fact that there were locals continuing the horror host tradition AND I was thrilled that the show showed higher quality movies rather than mining the public domain stuff over and over.

I made sure that "The Late Night Horror Show" would be remembered at least in some small way. It was I who originally posted mention of the show on the KSPR Wikipedia page and I made sure that the Horror Host Graveyard had an entry for Count Norlock.

Again, thank you! I treasure the memories!

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