Showing posts with label Lebanon Mo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lebanon Mo. Show all posts

Sunday, April 16, 2017

WHY THE VELVETEEN RABBIT SCARED ME AS A CHILD?


I realize I have poked fun of some of the nonsense on the Internet where people talk about fears of clowns, department store Santa Clauses and department store Easter Bunnies. Now, I am going to confess to having been frightened by something that is frequently referred to a "beloved children's favorite." It is the children's book, The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams and first published in 1922.

I never read the book or had it read to me, but I saw an animated TV version. I tried to look for the one I watched on YouTube and couldn't find it. I had a hard time looking up information on this story or looking for the video because I get shaky and nauseated just think about the story (Go ahead, you jerks, and call me "snowflake").

So what scared me about this story that it STILL bothers me in my 40s?  Near the end of story, the little boy contracts a serious illness and a doctor tells the parents that they have to burn his toys because they are contaminated.

This probably wouldn't frighten any other kid, but since I was two years old, I have had multiple illnesses. I nearly spent several months of my early childhood in a oxygen tent at the hospital in Lebanon, Missouri, because of severe asthma. I was never able to really play outside like other kids, because what triggered my asthma was pollen and other allergens, which include trees and grass. I was confined to the indoors, so toys, books and records were my only source of fun. Imagine the terror if that was taken away and burned.

Maybe this didn't frighten other kids, because they didn't have illness in there lives or they had different circumstances in their lives. As for me, it created an anxiety that still won't go away.

At least I didn't say I'm afraid of clowns.

   

Saturday, March 12, 2016

I WAS UNFRIENDED ON FACEBOOK BY A CLASSMATE (WHO SAID SHE HATED ME IN 9th GRADE)


You are probably wondering why there is a photo of Dita Von Teese on this post. It is because it involves a person looks like Dita Von Teese, only this person tends to wear Western wear.

With that said, many readers to this and the other blog know that I have a sort of love - hate relationship with Facebook. Yes, you can use it to connect with people you haven't seen in many years, as well as make new friends and network with colleagues in your field of work.

On the other hand, it is quickly turning America into a middle-aged version of junior high/middle school. You "friend" someone and "like" the stuff they say, "share" or post. Of course, if you "like" something they don't like or are offended by, you get "unfriended." This happened to me. The irony is that I'm not sure when it happened, because I "unfollowed" this person quite a while back for being a major drama queen and right-wing wack job.

This person is a former classmate, who looks like Dita Von Teese. This person moved to my school in the 9th grade. I developed a crush on this new girl in school. One reason may have been because I noticed that she stared at me during class. To me, this was a sign that she liked me. I WAS WRONG. I wrote her a note I told he that I liked her. She never said anything to me about reading the note. As a matter of fact, she didn't say anything to me for a long time until one day before class she said, "I hate you. Don't talk to me." Granted, during my senior year she was more civil. I saw her a times after we graduated and she seemed friendly.

I joined Facebook because my classmates were planning a class reunion. Lo and behold, this person "friended" me. She now was married with kids and lived in another state. I soon came to regret this.

This former classmate seems to hate everyone. She hated liberals, the media (that makes two strikes against me), the government, the president, most major Hollywood stars (especially comedians who said something she found offensive), rap/hip hop artist, public schools, animal rights groups, feminist, scientist, Jewish people, Muslims, Catholics, African Americans, Asian Americans, gay people, Hispanics, Native Americans and anyone under 30.

Not only those people, but she seem to get into a fracas with some innocent person every time she left the house. She switched doctors and veterinarians (Her husband is a rancher) several times. She quit Walgreens because the didn't get her prescription filled on time. She then quit CVS because they pulled sponsorship from Glen Beck's show on Fox (She was also a big fan of Alex Jones). She had a dispute with Rite-Aid over something.

It gets better. She vowed never to got to Safeway again after they refused to make a woman leave the store because her two year old kept sticking his tongue out at her. Target also got the "never-set-foot-in-there-again" vow after the manager refused to fire a teenage checkout girl, who "snickered," because she was buying a package of Poise Pads.

The bad part was her friends were just as uptight, touchy and paranoid group of nitwits as she was. They were no help at all. Not one of these women ever posted a comment like, "You need to get a life" or "It is time you sought professional, psychiatric help." They would tell her that she was right to be angry or tell her about how it was all apart of some "conspiracy" against "good Americans."

In the end, being unfriended and this isn't a bad thing. Especially if it is someone who told you they hated you in 9th grade. Of course, my opinions are why I'm considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!    


Sunday, January 24, 2016

THAT SEX EDUCATION TV SPECIAL FILMED IN MY HOMETOWN


I post many videos on this blog that I hope will evoke some memories of the past for readers. This one is a little more personal. This video, that I found on YouTube, is a personal trip back in time for me. This is The Body Human: Facts for Girls. Why would a TV special explaining puberty to girls be like a time machine to me? The reason is it was filmed in my hometown of Lebanon, Missouri.

In the late 70s and early 80s, CBS would run a health/science documentaries called The Body Human. Most of these were very technical and deep programs narrated by a Shakespearean actor named Alexander Scourby.

In 1980, CBS decided to make some episodes devoted to puberty. I'm not sure how our town or how the girls featured in the show were chosen, but it was a big deal.  Originally, it was announced that Ken Howard, star of The White Shadow, would be filming a "Facts for Boys" episode in Lebanon at the same time as Marlo Thomas was filming the "Facts for Girls." Turns out the "Facts for Boys" episode was filmed in Oregon and only the "Facts for Girls" was filmed in Lebanon.

Watching this video, for me, was a time machine back to my youth. I see what the Sonic, McDonalds and Wendys used to looked like in 1980. I see businesses that are no longer around like that convenience store on next to Sonic with the large neon sing that said "GAS,"  IGA and the old Star Theater (which was always behind on showing movies - Electric Horseman was already a year old). Also houses and buildings that are long gone, like that abandoned Candy Store across from the junior high.

I recognize many people I attended school with and many of them I still see when I'm in Lebanon, so I won't make jokes about anything they do in this video. Although I will say if those girls at the slumber party were so excited about boys, why didn't any of them look me up (I'm still available). It is jarring to think that we were so young.

This doesn't not have as much awkward stuff in it as the "Facts for Boys," which included a boy having way too much fun with his dog and a wiener roast (in a sex ed documentary for boys - think about it).

I question why the producers used two songs from the 50s in this, although the rest of it has Bee Gees and Donna Summer, which was contemporary at the time. Also the graphic used to explain menstruation is accompanied by some cool, electronic prog rock. I didn't know menstruation sounded like a Yes song (or King Crimson?)


Something I will say about this, while looking back: PHIL DONAHUE IS ONE OF THE LUCKIEST MEN ALIVE. This was filmed shortly after his marriage to Marlo Thomas. She is gorgeous in this, even while talking about puberty to girls. The one moment that has been burned in my memory, from the first time I saw this , was Marlo Thomas sitting in the grassy center of the track at Lebanon High School (which was fairly new at the time), wearing a nice, white athletic suit and telling the three girls, "I started my period today." Now that is what I call a great moment in television.

I should mention this aired locally on KOLR and was highly promoted. Unfortunatly, I didn't see it when it first aired. It aired at 3:30 p.m. and I didn't get home from school until 4 p.m. This was during the Dark Ages before VCRs or TiVo, so I didn't get to see it until it was shown to our P.E. class in 7th grade. Handy to show something made local for sex education.

Even if you all ready know the "Facts for Girls" enjoy looking at small town kids in 1980. The music, clothes and life.


      

   

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

CHRISTMAS IN THE OZARKS IS NEVER FUN

Dear Santa: Can I have her under my tree?

I know, I know. You are going to say, "Here we go again! Another blog post from Desdinova about how living in the Ozarks is horrible." Folks, I only want what is best for the kids, because I didn't have much fun as a kid.

Some of you may remember a post from last year about some people who complained on a local TV stations Facebook and website about how the girls in one of the high school's marching bands were dressed. They were wearing "Santa's Little Helper" outfits, like the lovely lady above is wearing. The more I think about it, the more I got to thinking about how we don't do Christmas right in the Ozarks. It isn't fun. I'll give reasons it is not fun later in the post (For one thing not enough sex & nudity, but that is for Christmas as a holiday in general).

First, I'll give an example from my childhood of this very problem. When I was a child, in the late 70s & early 80s, my sister lived in western Oklahoma. She and her husband owned two shoes stores. We would visit them on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

The day after Thanksgiving, we would go to the stores in those towns for their big "Kick Off To Christmas" sales. This was before that day had been dubbed "Black Friday" by the world at large.

Remember in the movie Christmas Story how the department store and town was decorated? That was what these stores were like. An overabundance of lights, holly, ribbons and shiny silver stuff. There was also a Santa Claus in EVERY store, not just one store. Some stores had both Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus. We even went to one store that had a rather buxom woman dressed as Santa with a beard. My theory is the guy who was supposed to be Santa called in sick that day and the stores owner said "Quick, Paula, put on the Santa outfit! Let's hope the kids don't notice your boobs."

I wasn't just a simple, but flashy visit to Santa Claus. THEY GAVE AWAY STUFF! Christmas coloring books, chocolate Santa Claus, marshmallow snowmen, Christmas comic books, candy canes (which I don't like), Rudolph clickers, giant jingle bells, Christmas cookies and gingerbread men were given away at the various stores.

After that, I had to come home to Lebanon, where there were some decorations on the street lights and in some store windows. There may have been a Santa at Kmart and Wal-Mart, but nowhere else.  Frankly, there wasn't much to excite a kid about Christmas in Lebanon.

Found this on Tumblr. A Christmas ad for a store in Lebanon, MO.

I should add that it wasn't always that way. When I was a small child, one of the banks had an animated display with elves making toys and a snowman that would melt and then pop back up. Another store had a teddy bear in a sled that went back and forth in the store window. Then in the mid-70s, they stop putting these animated scenes in the windows. Supposedly, they broke down and were too expensive to fix... or so they said. Probably, some cranky, redneck parent didn't like that their kids want to go look at these displays every time that came to town, went to city council and asked that there be an ordinance against Christmas being fun in Lebanon.

At the place my father worked, they had a lighted Nativity scene in the window of the lobby, that you could see from the street. They quit putting the nativity scene up because of complaints. Now, before the soldiers in the "war on Christmas" start loading their guns, let me explain that the reason some old people (a group of veterans, I believe) in town said they were frightened by the three wise men because they "looked Arab."  At least, they replaced the Nativity scene with cool Willie Wirehand statue in a Santa Claus hat.

There was also a huge wooden Nativity scene along I-44 in Lebanon. The last few times that I remember it being erected, the wind blew part of it over and it wasn't taken down until about June. Supposedly, it was "too much trouble to maintain." When I hear people say things like this, I realize that this is where cartoonist got the stereotype of Ozarkers being shoeless guys with Duck Dynasty beards, laying on a hillside, sleeping next to a big jug of moonshine. 

I will say that Lebanon STILL has one of the biggest and best Christmas parades in the area, second or maybe tied with Branson's nighttime, lighted Christmas parade. So I'm not totally saying Lebanon or other communities don't do anything fun at Christmas, but they just don't seem to make it fun for kids.    

Every time I bring this up, someone says "We don't do that stuff any more." Yet when you bring up something that needs to be changed in the Ozarks, people will get defensive and say "We've always done things that way and we will continue to do it that way." So what is the difference. Simple, what I'm talking about appeals to children's joy and happiness. I've pointed out this out before, but in Ozarks children are fourth class citizens behind senior citizens, middle-aged adults and pets/livestock.

A good example of this mentality is the women, who were complaining about band girls wearing "Santa's little helper outfits," complained when another TV station's Facebook site listed a schedule for the children's Christmas specials, that we all grew up loving (Rudolph, Frosty, Charlie Brown & the Grinch), were going to be on.

One year there was a group of protesters at the Battlefield Mall, wearing t-shirts with a red slash across a picture of Santa Claus. Personally, I think there is no lower form of life on this planet than a person who hates Santa Claus.

These people are taking the fun out of Christmas by turning it into some right-wing-talk-radio-political-crusade. This people would deny your child the enjoyment of Rudolph or Charlie Brown, just so they can please Bill O'Reilly or Glen Beck. I'm sure they would rather their children watch Bill O'Reilly or Glen Beck than Rudolph or Charlie Brown, because Ozarkers believe you shouldn't let childhood innocence get in the way of their right-wing agenda.

As for the decorations, fix them or buy new ones. How hard is that problem to solve? Put out some effort to make Christmas time special for future customers. Many of the business that were in Lebanon, when I was a child, no longer exist. Perhaps if they had put out some of the effort, like the stores in Oklahoma did, they would still be around. Who knows.

Here is an idea. Let's have fun and joy this Christmas, whether it is with we visit a department store Santa, make a Styrofoam snowman, bake gingerbread men, read The Night Before Christmas, buy toys for needy children, buy lots of toys for your own children, cruise the suburbs looking at the lights on houses, put up light on your own house, watch Christmas cartoons and movies (I have to watch Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and the MST3K episode with the 1950s Mexican film Santa Claus every year), listen to Christmas record (download my Christmas music podcast), or watch girls in "Santa's Little Helper" outfits dance. The point is have fun and be nice to your fellow human beings.

Of course, my opinions are why I'm considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

         

Saturday, July 5, 2014

HAPPY FIFTH OF JULY!

Sorry I wasn't around to wish everyone a Happy 4th of July, so instead I'll wish everyone a Happy 5th of July.

The play, Fifth of July, takes place in Lebanon, Missouri. It was written by Lebanon native Lanford Wilson. One of his uncles lived next door to my grandparents. When the play began its initial run on Broadway, the star was Christopher Reeve. However, people in Lebanon, will never mention Christopher Reeve when they talk about this play. They will refer to it as "the one John Boy was in." This always made me mad as a kid because you know I like superheroes more than I do The Waltons.

This is why I'm considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

WILD ANGELS IS COOLER THAN RED DAWN


Sometime in high school, I rented Roger Corman's Wild Angels at the local video store. I thought this was one of the coolest movies I had ever seen (next to the 1980 Flash Gordon movie). I thought "I've got to tell everyone at school about this." Of course, as was common with my classmates at Lebanon High School, they were uninterested in what I thought was a cool movie. Everyone that weekend had seen a movie at the local theater called Red Dawn. When I asked what Red Dawn was about, I was told it was about "a high school football team defending their community from an invasion by the Russian army." I replied "That sounds stupid!" Naturally, this lead to me being punched or kicked or something.

Let me proceed to explain why Wild Angels is a cooler movie than Red Dawn. First off, you have one of the coolest opening sequences in any movie. A mother watches her little boy on his tricycle ride down hill at break neck speed. She runs to stop him before he rides into traffic. She stops him and then looks around to see the head Angel, Blues (Peter Fonda), on his chopper lighting a cigarette (maybe a joint). She has a look of disgust and fear on her face a the sight. Fonda then revs up his bike and takes off down the road to the Fuzztone drenched theme song, "Blue's Theme" by Dave Allen and the Arrows.

Blues goes to a construction sight to tell his friend, Loser (Bruce Dern), that they found his stolen bike in Mecca, California. A co-worker (Dick Miller) starts lecturing Blues on wearing an Iron Cross, so Blues and Loser threaten to pull out his teeth with a wrench. Loser's supervisor yells at him, so he throws the wrench at him, which gets Loser fired.

Yes, she does wear boots in this movie.

The Angels try to retrieve the bike and get into a fight with a group of Mexicans that they believe stole it. The Highway Patrol shows up and Loser tries to get away on a patrolman's cycle. He is shot in the back by a patrolman. Later, the Angels, with the help of Blues' Mike (Nancy Sinatra), break into the hospital and take Loser back to their clubhouse, where he dies.

During the funeral, Blues lashes out at the minister. The minster ask Blues what he and the Angels "want." Blues yells, "We wanna be free! We wanna be free to do what we wanna do. We wanna be free to ride. We wanna be free to ride our machines without being hassled by The Man! ... And we wanna get loaded. And we wanna have a good time. And that's what we are gonna do. We are gonna have a good time... We are gonna have a party." Parts of that speech were later sampled as part of Primal Scream's hit song "Loaded." There has never been any of the dialog from Red Dawn sampled in a song, unless it is crappy country song by Toby Keith, Daryl Worley or Zac Brown Band.

What sets Wild Angels apart from Fonda's other biker movie, Easy Rider, is that Wild Angels doesn't weigh us down with message and characterization. Instead Corman gives scenes of the bikers outrageous partying with beer, bongo playing, loud music, grabing women, fights and even "bull fighting" a biker. Easy Rider is cerebral, where Wild Angels is just mayhem on film. However, Easy Rider is a masterpiece and also has a better soundtrack.

Wild Angels spawned the whole biker genre. Red Dawn didn't inspire any high school football player hero movies. What kind of doofus would watch a high school football player hero movie? Maybe one that looks like this:

A doofus who liked the movie Red Dawn

I guess I should point out. I've never watched Red Dawn. I thought the plot sounded stupid in high school and I still think it sounds stupid. Why waste my time with that, when I can watch Wild Angels again on DVD. Besides, I've never heard of the director, so he must not have made anything else.

Of course, opinions like these are why I'm considered the super villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!







Saturday, December 21, 2013

ELF ON THE SHELF - DISCO ERA


The "Elf On The Shelf" has never been a stranger to me or at least the image of the elf has never been a stranger. The "Elf" was a part of my childhood before there was a story or name. My sister has an "Elf" from her childhood that looks identicle to the one in the The Elf On the Shelf book.

My mother bought this one and a whole box of smaller ones in the early 70s. They either came from the Ace Hardware or Matinglys in Lebanon, MO (We can't remember which one it was). This one is obviously wearing his disco clothes. Silver lame suit trimmed in fur and a gold foil bow-tie with a gigantic bell on his cap. Nothing says Christmas like a styling 70s elf. He doesn't move around like the one in the story, but I did prop him up to take this photo with my phone (I may try to retake this with a real camera). Note: the "Elf" is sitting on a DVD of the Filmation The New Adventures of the Lone Ranger cartoons from the 80s.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

FRUSTRATIONS OF A SUPERHERO FAN IN THE OZARKS

Before I begin this post, I want to point you in the direction of two great post on other retro blogs. Plaid Stallions has a podcast about being a young superhero fan in the 70s. Also, Retrospace has a great post about The Incredible Hulk TV series of the late 70s/early 80s.

The Plaid Stallions podcast brought back some memories for me, both good and bad. One point they make is, for must of the early to mid 70s, live-action and animated superheroes in movies and TV was few and far between. Today, we have two or three superhero movies released each summer, but until the late 70s you didn't get any superhero movies. Even after the success of Superman the Movie and the Incredible Hulk TV show, there wasn't very much produced in that vain.

There was older stuff that you read about in an article in Starlog, TV Guide or some other magazine, but there wasn't home video and you were at the mercy of local TV or the networks. This was also at a time where cable systems stopped at the city limits.

I was (and still am) a hard core superhero fan, which has made me a pariah here in the Ozarks. From the time I was about six or seven, adults told me that "superheroes are not real." Other kids (also about six or seven) would tell me "superheroes are for babies," they told me they were dating, which explains why they married early and now are bitter adults post that "kids-today-are-stupid" crap on Facebook.

In many areas of the country, children came home from school to watch reruns of Batman, The Adventures of Superman, Tarzan, or possibly, the Japanese superhero TV show, Ultraman. We had none of that here in the Ozarks. The closest TV market for Batman in this area was Joplin (Okay, I realize some syndication contracts at that time were written so there were non-compete clauses - so maybe Joplin conflicted with Springfield).

If we got a superhero TV show or cartoon on local TV, it was for a brief time. When I was in the second grade, KYTV began running The Lone Ranger series everyday at 4 p.m. Not sure how long they ran it, but I watched it every afternoon.      


At some point, while I was in fourth grade, KOLR began showing the 60s Spider-Man cartoons, but his too was brief.




The only superhero that was on Springfield TV on a very regular basis was Underdog, which was a on-again-off-again afternoon staple on KOLR for many years. Occasionally, Young Sampson would turn up during the summer.

Also, channel 27 (Then known as KMTC) would air The Mighty Hercules at 6 a.m on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

While I mentioned The Lone Ranger (Calling him a superhero might be debatable), I skipped some of the sci-fi shows like Star Trek, Six Million Dollar Man and Buck Rogers, since I wanted to focus on the concept of the superhero ideal not fitting into the Ozarks' mentality.

Some would say, "Why complain about this? You saw them at some point. Get over it!" I wouldn't be as upset if there had been more variety in the mix, but you must understand that M*A*S*H has played on local TV in Springfield since it entered syndication in 1979 and Little House On the Prairie was shown several years in this market from the time it entered syndication. I should also note that these shows were still in production and airing on network television when they turned up in reruns on Springfield TV stations.  

One of the common things I heard growing up and even after I got involved in the media was that "older people don't like that stuff." Does everything in Springfield and the Ozarks have to be approved by old people? I assume old people like infomercials and those bad shows where a white judge yells at a young African-American guy about being "irresponsible." I'm sure in the future we can look forward to reruns of Duck Dynasty.

After growing up and working among people in the Springfield and Ozarks, I realized why so many in this area frown on superheroes. The superhero believes in helping the weak and oppressed for free. Consider the Lone Ranger's creed, which features the passages:
"That all men are created equal and that everyone has within himself the power to make this a better world." 
"That men should live by the rule of what is best for the greatest number."
Neither of these would be uttered by any of my classmates from Lebanon High School or any Springfield businessman. In a Lone Ranger episode entitled "The Law Lady," the Lone Ranger tells Tonto that Wyoming recently passed a law granting women the right to vote. Tonto says that he thinks that is a good idea. "It is a good idea, Tonto. Someday every woman in the Untied States will have that right," the Lone Ranger states. Of course, some local talk radio show host of the past said that only wealthy male land owners should be allowed to vote. I'm going to side with the Lone Ranger on this subject. I was shocked to see on You Tube some comments under some of the Lone Ranger episodes that people think the Lone Ranger killed and even lynched "troublemakers." If you go back to the origin story, the Lone Ranger tells Tonto he will not kill anyone. In several episodes, the Lone Ranger and Tonto stop lynchings, because everyone deserves a fair trial. I think these people commenting on You Tube (Mainly bigots comment on You Tube) are thinking of another group of masked riders...the Klu Klux Klan.

I guess Ozarkers would accept superheroes if they were more like business people and talk radio host. If someone was to create a superhero, who charged an exorbinant fee for his services, only helped white, wealthy, Republican heterosexuals and frequently lectured young people, while dressed in bib overalls, a John Deer cap and a Confederate flag for a cape, then Ozarkers would support the idea of a superhero.

I feel that my love of superheroes has made me the person I am today. I also have never been arrested or had a brush with the law of any kind. I believe in equality, fairness and helping others. Of course, that is why I'm considered the SUPER-VILLAIN of the Ozarks!!! mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 


Sunday, May 5, 2013

THE MYTH OF PERFECT SMALL TOWNS

I admit that I'm a small town boy, but, unlike John Cougar Mellencamp, I'm don't think it was a great experience for me. As matter of fact, the best way I could describe my formative years in Lebanon, Missouri is a hellish nightmare world. It was not Mayberry, more of a cross between Twin Peaks and Peyton Place.



I should note that I was not the first person to be critical of Lebanon, Missouri. Harold Bell Wright, who had been a minster in Lebanon, wrote a novel about Lebanon called The Calling of Dan Mathews. In the story, a young minister becomes so disgusted with the hypocrisy in the town that he resigns from the church.

Country music likes to portray small town life as being without problems and a model for all the other cities and nations of the world. The truth is most small towns have a "dark side." This is why there have been so many successful novels, plays, movies and TV shows revolving around the "idyllic small town" that is later exposed to be filled with sex, murder, drug abuse, alcoholism and a thousand lies. Besides The Calling of Dan Mathews, there is also Main Street and Babbitt by Sinclair Lewis, Winesburg, Ohio by Sherwood Anderson, Our Town by Thorton Wilder, the aforementioned Peyton Place by Grace Metalious and David Lynch's Twin Peaks.

All of these artistic creations all address the problems of class status and conformity to an expected place in the community. The poor kids should never date the rich kids and visa versa, nor should a poor person try to surpass a rich person's success. There are traditions in small towns that need to be adhered to. "That is the way things have always been and don't try to change it."
 
I think the contributing factor to this "dark side" is the claustrophobic feel that is compounded by the fact that "everybody knows everybody in town." There is no such thing as anonymity. If you do something or say something out of line, everyone knows about it. Trust me, there are people who are still holding things I did in seventh grade against me.

Which leads to one of the worst problems with a small town: GOSSIP. People is small towns would rather say bad things about each other than positive things and if someone can find some juicy secret, that is even better. Sadly, the Internet has made this worse. Lebanon has a message board, connected to the newspaper's website. I used to like to read it, but it has went to the dogs. When it isn't filled with right-wing propaganda and the most racist, homophobic, violent, hate-speak, it is vicious gossip about people I have known for years. Many of these people are personal friends and even some of my family members. They never think that they hurting their neighbors and community with these asinine rumors. We don't care that you think the fire department wrecks its truck to get the city to buy them a new one. We don't care that a boat company was defrauded. It is a big company...they will get over it.  

If that wasn't bad enough, every city and town has a Topix forum, which is even more disgusting. This board usually has discussions about which woman in town "sleeps around" and which women "turn tricks."There also are threads started by parents about "weird kids" or kids that "I-told-my-kid-not-to-friends-with-that- kid." These types of threads are why I have suggested that parents be held accountable for bullying just as much as their kids. I'm sure if Topix had been around when I was in school, there would have been a "That thar weird Desdinova kid" thread about me.

Trust me, small town's have a bad side and we shouldn't try to ignore it. Great pop culture hasn't. Of course, an opinion, like this one, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
     

Saturday, April 6, 2013

TO BE LEGITIMATE

I should have done this a long time ago during the heyday of the original blog, but I didn't think it would be important (I really never think anything is important in the grand scheme of the universe).

I have created a Mission Statement and Rules for Comments on my blog. I've been disgusted by comments I have seen left on You Tube and the local media Facebook sites as well as their public forums.

I wanted to also put down in writing what I want people to take away from this site and what I didn't want on it. I wanted to teach people to respect and enjoy pop culture as I do.

For the average person, who finds this site through Google, Yahoo or another search engine, this will not be a major concern. However, there are still flames of animosity smoldering from the days of the old blog here in Springfield (and Lebanon too), MO. There are also people in both communities who feel they should be able to use every forum on the Web to expose their obnoxious opinions. These people don't see this as a fun blog, but a threat to "the quality of life in the Ozarks" or "American family values." These people can post their hate, bigotry and hate speech on other forums here in the Ozarks all they want, but not here. I will keep their opinions off. That goes for people who hang around other websites like You Tube posting the same kind of garbage.

This is not to discourage posting but to cover myself in case any of our local activist type want to take me to court for hindering their free speech.

Of course, doing something, like this, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Saturday, February 16, 2013

THE VALENTINE'S DAY SUCKS IPOD PLAYLIST

"The Future Mrs. Desdinova," Paris Hilton
After the last three post, you probably think I'm a romantic softy who loves Valentines Day. Truth is Valentines Day has not been kind to the Super Villain of the Ozarks. First off, my older sister, Villanova, would insisted on making me a Valentine box for school. They looked like what I imagine Liberace's elementary school Valentine box looked like.

In the sixth grade, I had a rotten teacher. He told the class that they didn't have to give a Valentine to any they didn't like. That year I only received five Valentines from a class of twenty-one kids (That teacher is running for a position on the Lebanon city council. I'd rather vote for this guy, who is running against him. He seems more reputable).

The "second" Eunice Moneymaker

First time I outed was after I made this post on the old blog about my junior high/high school crush, Eunice Moneymaker. A person calling himself "Rod Hance" was planning to e-mail the post to her. He also posted my real name on a local message board. The main reaction was "Who?" and "That makes sense. What is your point?" This "Rod Hance" guy was really a "Bubba" I went to junior high/high school with in Lebanon. His father was a local politician I was poking fun back then.

After that I stopped using a photo of the real Eunice Moneymaker and began using the photo above, which is from a 1950's yearbook (I have no idea who that girl is but she sure is cute - and now in her 70s). I will say that the original photo of the real Eunice Moneymaker is among the retro clutter at the top of the page. Oddly enough, someone at one point asked if that was a photo of Paris Hilton in middle school, because I had a running joke on the old blog that I planned to marry Paris Hilton (This is also what caused a local right-wing blogger to write a long tirade about how he thought Sarah Palin was more beautiful than Paris Hilton - Get a life!). After that I noticed that Eunice Moneymaker and Paris Hilton kind of look alike.

Eunice was always embarrassed that I showered her with gifts on Valentine's Day. My love for her received a chilly reception.  Old habits die hard and, on Thursday, I wished her a "Happy Valentine's Day" via Facebook and she wished me one back. Time changes things.

In college, I had a similar problem with a girl named Andrea. I found out that Eunice was at least nice to me. This little gal was pretty hateful and told me never to talk to her again. I recently found her on Facebook. She is still single. She also was working for the Romney/Ryan and a huge supporter of Todd Akin, so I now thank God that we didn't get together.

So what is the point to all of this? Well, readers if you haven't guessed, it means that I know the perfect songs for when things don't go right on Valentine's Day (or any other day). I'm not sure if KYTV's Ethan Forhetz has ever compiled a list like this, but it would be interesting to see his picks.

  1. "Forget You" Cee Lo Green (I like the version with the other word beginning with "F" too)
  2. "Positively 4th Street" Bob Dylan
  3. "Love Stinks" J. Geilis Band
  4. "The Breakup Song (They Don't Write'em Like That Anymore)" Greg Khin Band
  5. "Somebody That I Used To Know" Gotye
  6. "The Last Time" The Rolling Stones
  7. "Goodbye To You" Scandal
  8. "Find Another Fool" Quarterflash
  9. "I'm Not Your Stepping Stone" The Monkees/Sex Pistols
  10. "I Can See For Miles" The Who
  11. "The Rain" Oran Juice Jones ("You're a squirrel looking for a nut")
  12. "Since You've Been Gone" Rainbow
  13. "I'll Feel a Whole Lot Better" The Byrds
  14. "Chain of Fools" Aretha Franklin
  15. "Is It True?" Brenda Lee (Not the typical weepy Brenda Lee song-Jimmy Page is playing guitar)
  16. "Piece of My Heart" Big Brother & the Holding Company
  17. "Don't Bother Me" The Beatles
  18. "Laugh Laugh" The Beau Brumells
  19. "Blood & Roses" The Smithereens
  20. "The First Cut is the Deepest" Cat Stevens/Rod Stewart/Sheryl Crow/P.P. Arnold/The Koobas
  21. "We Don't Talk Anymore" Cliff Richard
  22. "Fool (If You Think It Is Over)" Chris Rea
  23. "Its Too Late" Carole King
  24. "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart" Bee Gees
  25. "You Won't See Me" The Beatles
  26. "Walk On By" Dionne Warwick/The Stranglers (Some relationships end so bad, you need the Stranglers version)
  27. "I Am a Rock" Simon & Garfunkel/The Church (Same here for the Church version)
  28. "Tainted Love/Where Did Our Love Go?" Soft Cell
  29. "It's All Over Now" The Rolling Stones
  30. "The Smile Has Left Your Eyes" Asia
  31. "Any Way The Wind Blows" Frank Zappa & The Mothers of Invention (The version on Freak Out)
  32. "I've Got To Use My Imagination" Gladys Knight & The Pips
  33. "Ever Fallen In Love?" The Buzzcocks
  34. "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?" The Culture Club
  35. "Bad Time" Grand Funk Railroad
  36. "The Salt In My Tears" Martin Briley
  37. "Already Gone" The Eagles
  38. "Go Your Own Way" Fleetwood Mac
  39. "I've Found Someone of My Own" The Free Movement
  40. "You Keep Me Hanging On" Vanilla Fudge
  41. "You're No Good" Linda Ronstadt
  42. "Vicious" Lou Reed
  43. "These Eyes" Guess Who
  44. "I Hate Myself For Loving You" Joan Jett & the Blackhearts
  45. "One More Minute" Weird Al Yankovich
  46. "Kind of a Drag" The Buckinghams
  47. "It Hurts To Be In Love" Gene Pitney
  48. "We Just Disagree" Dave Mason
  49. "Bringing On a Heartbreak" Def Leppard
  50. "Liar" Three Dog Night
  51. "Sail On" The Commodores
  52. "Suspicious Minds" Elvis Presley
  53. "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad" Meat Loaf
  54. "Don't Do Me Like That" Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
  55. "What Have I Done To Deserve This" Pet Shop Boys & Dusty Springfield
  56. "You Didn't Have to Be So Nice" The Loving Spoonful
  57. "She Don't Know Why I'm Here" the Last
  58. "Heart Full of Soul" The Yardbirds
  59. "Where Were You When I Needed You" The Grass Roots
  60. "Who's Crying Now" Journey
  61. "She's Not There" The Zombies
  62. "Didn't I (Blow Your Mind This Time)" The Delfonics
  63. "You're Gonna Miss Me Baby" 13th Floor Elevator
  64. "I'm Not In Love' 10CC
  65. "Day After Day" Badfinger
  66. "Cold As Ice" Foreigner
  67. "Misunderstanding" Genesis
  68. "Can't Stand Losing You" The Police
  69. "Out of Time' the Rolling Stones
  70. "Take It On the Run" REO Speedwagon
  71. "96 Tears" Question Mark and The Mysterians
  72. "I Ain't Gonna Eat My Heart Anymore" The Rascals
  73. "Poor Side of Town" Johnny Rivers
  74. "Something I've Got To Tell You" Glenda Collins
  75. "Things I'd Like To Say" New Colony Six
  76. "I Can't Stop Loving You" Ray Charles
  77. "Lies" The Knickerbockers
  78. "I'm Crying" The Animals
  79. "I Count the Tears" The Drifters
  80. "I Know a Heartache When I See One" Jennifer Warnes
  81. "I'm Sick of You" Iggy & the Stooges
  82. "Without You" Harry Nilsson
  83. "Diamonds and Rust" Joan Baez
  84. "New Day Yesterday" Jethro Tull
  85. "How Many More Time" Led Zeppelin
  86. "Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)" Bob Dylan
  87. "I'll Cry Instead" The Beatles
  88. "Runaway" Del Shannon
  89. "Since You're Gone" The Cars
  90. "Ain't That a Shame" Fats Domino/Cheap Trick
  91. "I Wonder What She's Doing Tonight" Boyce & Hart
  92. "Go Now" Moody Blues
  93. "The Crying Game" Boy George
  94.  "Who's Sorry Now" Connie Francis
  95. "Changes" Black Sabbath
  96. "Go Back" Crabby Appleton
  97. "I'm Down" The Beatles
  98. "I'm a Fool" Desi, Dino & Billy
  99. "I Remember You" Skid Row
  100. "Every Rose Has a Thorn" Poison
            

Thursday, October 11, 2012

MY 3rd GRADE REPORT ON DRACULA THAT NEVER HAPPENED

I was watching a documentary on the history of Dracula last night, when I remembered something from my horrific childhood in Lebanon, Missouri.

In the third grade, my teacher's name was Mrs. Torquemada (Okay, that wasn't her real name, but I changed so I don't get complaints from her family and friends). SHE HATED ME! She also told my mother that I was "worthless." Even the other children in class knew it, because one of them told my mom, "Mrs. Torquemada hates Desdinova."

It didn't help that I went to a really bad elementary school, then called Mark Twain Elementary School (now called Boswell Elementary). The only thing about Mark Twain that was even represented at the school was the fact that the principal and many of the teachers treated kids the way Aunt Polly treated Huck Finn. Principal Betty Moore threatened everyone with a spanking from a large board she kept in her office. It was kind of a Republican/Baptist gulag. Other schools the kids got to dress up on Halloween, but only kindergartners were allowed to dress up on Halloween at Mark Twain Elementary. This was because Halloween was a "man made holiday" and dressing up for Halloween was is "immature." I really wished I had grown up in a community with more respect for its children. One of those communities where every child is given an award just for participating and nobody gets spanked. Unfortunately, I had to grow up in this nightmarish Hell-world known as the Ozarks...but I am off the subject.

We were told we would have to pick out a person a historical figure to write a report about. I had read in an Electric Company magazine and seen on the TV show In Search Of that there really was a person named Count Dracula. I even knew what he looked like because there were pictures of him (Above) and what was left of his castle in Transylvania, which had only recently been discovered.

Unfortunately, one of the rules to this assignment (Mrs. Torquemada and Mark Twain Elementary were BIG on rules) was that you could only use the World Book Encyclopedias that were in the class room. If your subject wasn't in those World Books, you didn't get to write on the subject you wanted. Apparently, the jugheads at World Book Encyclopedia didn't think that Vlad Tepes Dracula, the 15th century Romanian prince, who impaled people and inspired a famous literary vampire, was worthy of inclusion in their precious little encyclopedia.

To make this situation even worse, old Mrs. Torquemada said I was making the whole thing up and that there wasn't a real person in history named Dracula. She said I couldn't tell the difference between fantasy and reality. I was forced to write a report on a "real" historical figure. I can't remember who I wrote that report on, probably someone boring and unimportant like George Washington or Thomas Jefferson.

Vlad Tepes Dracula III
These days you can find anything on the Internet and more than likely there would be information in the World Book (If they still have them) on Vlad Tepes Dracula. You might even find him mentioned in a section on "Cruel Heartless Dictators." Next to his name would be Mrs. Torquemada, my third grade teacher from Mark Twain Elementary.

Of course, Halloween post, like this one, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 

Saturday, September 1, 2012

A TOUCH OF GREY KIND OF SUITS YOU ANYWAY

The LHS Class of 1987 had trouble making an 8.
I recently attended my 25th year class reunion. Yeah, I'm surprised they invited me too. I wasn't exactly the most well liked person at Lebanon High School. 1987?!?! What can be said about 1987? As many of you who read this know, I'm not a "my-generation-is-better-than-your-generation" type of person. To be quite honest there was many things on TV, movies and in music back in 1987 that SUCKED BIG TIME!


I was looking at the various radio survey charts on ARSA, I began to notice that there were some of the music between September of 1986 and June of 1987 was really wimpy. Radio airwaves were ruled by Whitney Houston.  I think this may explain why I became interested in classic rock and college rock (later to be known as alternative). It also was one of the reasons I wanted to get into radio. I felt I needed to be a program director to change the kind of music that was getting on the air. Of course, I also would listen to Woody P. Snow on KXUS and Dr. Don Carpenter on Rock 99 (KWTO-FM) on my way to school. I began thinking, "This would be a perfect job for me. I could be a wild and outrageous morning show host." Sadly, the consolidation of ownership in radio has lead to the demise of both of these jobs in many areas. During that time, you could tape your favorite song off radio. There seemed to be quite a few good Top 40 stations in the area. I just didn't appreciate it at the time. During the 90s, there was about one real Top 40/CHR station in the area. I will have to say things are swinging back to the way they were in the 80s. Now would be a good time for kids in the Ozarks to tape their favorite songs off of the radio, if they still do that.

I knew I wanted to be involved in the media. I decided as another option to radio I thought a great job would be program director at an independent TV station. Back in the 80s, independent TV stations were fun because they had to fill there time with what ever they could. Usually, old movies, old TV shows and old cartoons. Three things happened that changed that: 1) upstart networks like Fox and CW (originally the WB),  2) Specialty cable networks like TV Land, Turner Classic Movies, AMC, and Boomerang, 3) infomercials or pre-paid programs. Many independent TV stations became Fox or  CW affiliates, which took up the evening hours with their programing. As the cable networks became popular, many independent TV stations got it through their heads that since many older shows and movies were on cable, why duplicate their programing. The alternative (at least in this area) is run infomercials and prepaid package shows that are usually bad "judge" programs or bad "infotainment" shows.

I went to college to get a degree in media. During that time, I would attend seminars in K.C with a group called International Association of Business Communicators. I was told by these K.C and St. Louis business people that a media would be the ticket in the door to a high paying job in any field, not just media. Not only did businesses in Springfield, Lebanon and the surrounding are not get the memo on that, they seem to be against hiring anyone with a authentic college education. They seem to either want someone with an MBA from some fly-by-night school that holds classes in a bank after hours or no post-high school education. 

David Rasche as Sledge Hammer "Trust Me, I know what I'm doing." 

One of my favorite TV shows during my senior years was a satirical sitcom called Sledge Hammer! (Yes, there was an exclamation point at the end of the title). I think this may have gave birth to my love of broad satire. For those who never saw the show (It was one of the lowest rated shows during its two year run), Sledge Hammer! was to Dirty Harry and Hunter, what Get Smart was to James Bond and the Man from U.N.C.L.E.   The main character, Sledge Hammer (played by Missouri born actor David Rasche), was an overly enthusiastic plain-clothes, police detective, who talked to his 44 Magnum. Sledge liked to use excessive violence, such as firing a warning shot a jaywalker, using a bazooka to stop a sniper on the roof of a building and target practicing with his 44 Magnum in his apartment. He also spouted outrageous lines that were a satirical poke at macho, conservative types in 1987. The bad part is when you watch the episodes now, you notice that the stuff Sledge says isn't as stupid as the things being said by most talk radio show host or congressional Republicans (especially the ones from Missouri). As a matter of fact, watching another 80s sitcom, Family Ties, I notice that the then popular neo-con sitcom character Alex P. Keaton is seems like an antiquated character. Sadly, Alex is a fantasy, while Sledge has become a reality. Yipes!

Babe bashing not allowed in 1987.

One of my other obsessions at that time was girls. One reason I wanted to be in the media was in hopes of scoring the ultimate babe. I thought the women would be crawling all over me because I was either on radio or TV. I could see myself dating a supermodel, bikini model or female newscaster. Never happened sadly. Let me point out here something that has changed for the worst, men's opinions of famous women. I have seen horrible things posted about famous women on Yahoo, MSN, Facebook and You Tube about Katy Perry, Paris Hilton, Holly Madison, or Kim Kardashian. We didn't have these websites in the 80s, but if any guy had said some of these things about Cindy Crawford, Cindy Brinkley, Brooke Shields, Elle McPherson, Kim Bassinger or Kathy Ireland people would have wondered about their sanity, libido or manners. It seems to be these comments are made by redneck who pose for their profile photo in front of a Confederate flag or by people who use a photo of John Wayne or Ronald Reagan for their profile photo. It seems to make these little wanna-be men feel macho, but it just shows how low on the evolutionary chart they are. I guess sex was more important in the good ole days of 1987. 
  
I started working on this post about three weeks ago, I realize that I've taken most of the changes in stride. I don't get bent out of shape about everything younger people do. As a matter of fact, most of my best friends are younger than me. I also don't feel a need to be superior to them. I think I have younger friends because I really haven't changed since I was in high school. I have the same ultra-laid back attitude about things. A case in point would be a discussion I had with an older co-worker about a LHS Class of 87 member who allegedly defrauded a Lebanon boat manufacture of a large sum of money. This co-worker was shocked when I said, "So what. Its a big corporation. They make plenty of money. They won't miss it and will get over it." My co-worker seems to be part of that "Standing up for what's right" school of radio philosophy, where as I share the philosophy of the late Bill Drake, "The hits just keep a-coming!" Of course, this co-worker also thinks an auctioneer should host a radio show.


I think the song from that year that for me sums up my thoughts on graduating from LHS 1987  would be the song that I first heard on the radio as I left the run through for the graduation ceremony. It was by "Touch of Grey" by the Grateful Dead. It would become their only Top 40 and Top 10 hit. "We will get by. We will survive."

Of course, opinions, like the ones expressed here, explains why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!   

Saturday, December 24, 2011

INTERESTING NEWSPAPER ADS FROM 1959

I featured these in 2008 on the old blog. The two liquor ads come from a 1959 Lebanon Daily Record. The ads for Cranks Drug Store and Woolworths are from 1959 Springfield News Leader. As with anything I did at that time, it upset some people here in Springfield. Lebanon has always had a better sense of humor about this stuff.
Here are somethings I find funny about this:
  • Mr. Magoo pitching beer.
  • Woolworths is having a "gay Xmas."
  • Cranks is also celebrating "Xmas."
  • Cranks and other retail stores in the 50s seem to always have a sale on Milk of Magnesia and women's underpants (3-for-1) the same week. Is there a correlation? 
If you need to make the images larger, right click on them and select "Open in new window." Then click on them again.






Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I STILL DON'T LIKE THE WALTONS

I've tried to stay away from the anything on this new blog that could cause me to receive the hate and bile slung at me by Ozarkers on my previous blog. However, this post will do it.
Since I was a child, there has been one TV show that I have passionately disliked. It is the Waltons. Recently this show has reared its ugly head again on the Hallmark Channel (Does the Hallmark Channel have ANY GOOD SHOWS ON?) . I recently caught both my sister and nephew watching the reruns of The Waltons one afternoon. The bad part they were enjoying them! I suffered through them, but realized that even now, at age 41, I cannot stomach this show. UGH!

Here are some of the factors that make the Waltons more enjoyable for me:
  1. The female cast members are not sexy. They also don't dress sexy. 
  2. The dialog is rather dry. No double entendres, sexual induiondo or even snappy comebacks. It is just lame.
  3. I hate people in overalls. Nuff said!
  4. There was no cool vehicle. No Batmobile, Black Beauty, General Lee, KITT, UNCLE car, TARDIS or Woody(from the Mod Squad). All the Waltons had was that old truck.
  5. Would it have killed them to have had a funny or killer robot in the show? How about a gay character? Or better yet a gay robot? How about "very special episode" where a killer robot ripped off Jim Bob's arm?
  6. This show was in desperate need of a guest appearance by Morgan Fairchild.
  7. The music on the show is dull. At the sake of being anachonistic, they could have put in some heavy metal, prog rock or funk in the background.
  8. The thing that really bothers me is how everyone on Waltons Mountain seems to think it is so great that John Boy likes to write. I have been writing stories since I was eight years old and nobody in Lebanon, MO every gave me any encouragement.
Part of my problem with this TV show from the 70s (and Little House on the Prairie) is that adults always threw it up to me that this was  "better" than the TV shows I liked. It wasn't just Ozarkers saying silly stuff like this. President George H. W Bush said The Waltons was better than The Simpsons. What did he know! The Simpsons have lasted longer than The Waltons. Nya-nya-nya-nya-nya!
This same thing goes on today with some of the stupider people here in the Ozarks. They get mad at me when I say I prefer MTV to Fox News or would rather spend an evening with Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian than Sarah Palin and Sarah Steelman.
The funny thing is The Waltons creator, Earl Hamner Jr., wrote several episodes of one of my favorite shows, the Twilight Zone.
Best way to end this is with Mad Magazines obituary for John Boy. It would have made a fitting end to The Waltons, unfortunatly they didn't use it in the final episode.
Of course, opinions, like this one, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

HOLY HOT ROD, BATMAN!!! BATMOBILE SPOTTED IN LEBANON SATURDAY!

I finally had a childhood dream of mine come true. I saw the Batmobile from the Batman TV series up close. Some of you may remember that my love of the Batman TV show upset some little dork, who preferred the Dark Knight, on the other blog,


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