Wednesday, May 25, 2011


I've tried to stay away from the anything on this new blog that could cause me to receive the hate and bile slung at me by Ozarkers on my previous blog. However, this post will do it.
Since I was a child, there has been one TV show that I have passionately disliked. It is the Waltons. Recently this show has reared its ugly head again on the Hallmark Channel (Does the Hallmark Channel have ANY GOOD SHOWS ON?) . I recently caught both my sister and nephew watching the reruns of The Waltons one afternoon. The bad part they were enjoying them! I suffered through them, but realized that even now, at age 41, I cannot stomach this show. UGH!

Here are some of the factors that make the Waltons more enjoyable for me:
  1. The female cast members are not sexy. They also don't dress sexy. 
  2. The dialog is rather dry. No double entendres, sexual induiondo or even snappy comebacks. It is just lame.
  3. I hate people in overalls. Nuff said!
  4. There was no cool vehicle. No Batmobile, Black Beauty, General Lee, KITT, UNCLE car, TARDIS or Woody(from the Mod Squad). All the Waltons had was that old truck.
  5. Would it have killed them to have had a funny or killer robot in the show? How about a gay character? Or better yet a gay robot? How about "very special episode" where a killer robot ripped off Jim Bob's arm?
  6. This show was in desperate need of a guest appearance by Morgan Fairchild.
  7. The music on the show is dull. At the sake of being anachonistic, they could have put in some heavy metal, prog rock or funk in the background.
  8. The thing that really bothers me is how everyone on Waltons Mountain seems to think it is so great that John Boy likes to write. I have been writing stories since I was eight years old and nobody in Lebanon, MO every gave me any encouragement.
Part of my problem with this TV show from the 70s (and Little House on the Prairie) is that adults always threw it up to me that this was  "better" than the TV shows I liked. It wasn't just Ozarkers saying silly stuff like this. President George H. W Bush said The Waltons was better than The Simpsons. What did he know! The Simpsons have lasted longer than The Waltons. Nya-nya-nya-nya-nya!
This same thing goes on today with some of the stupider people here in the Ozarks. They get mad at me when I say I prefer MTV to Fox News or would rather spend an evening with Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian than Sarah Palin and Sarah Steelman.
The funny thing is The Waltons creator, Earl Hamner Jr., wrote several episodes of one of my favorite shows, the Twilight Zone.
Best way to end this is with Mad Magazines obituary for John Boy. It would have made a fitting end to The Waltons, unfortunatly they didn't use it in the final episode.
Of course, opinions, like this one, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


Anonymous said...

Your hatred for the Waltons, and Little House on the Prairie is just the same as my husbands, he too hates it and thinks its yucky.he never has watched it even though I always did. However the program is us parents at eighteen hard working and more patience than John Walton ever had my husband is him down to a t.

Anonymous said...

I am 21 years old, and have not lived back in those times. I won't say it was better, because "The Waltons" showed how you were SUPPOSE to care for your children, when in actuality, most got beatings. Also, the lives shown in the TV series was made to imitate Earl Hamner Jr.'s life as an Italian-American. So the fact that the humor was dry, may have been because he had an uptight family, or that he wasn't as experienced with writing "The Waltons" (originally titled "Spencer's Mountain") as he was with "The Twilight Zone". Either way, give credit where credit is due. He was a great writer and "The Waltons" was a hit whether you enjoyed the series or not. However, the obituatry is quite clever.

Bryan Ledford said...

Jesus h Christ! Dont get me started on the lame brain ass Waltons! I despise that stupid ass show more than anything else on this F'n planet! It is shear torture to even have to endure 20 seconds of this ancient retard Bs! And yeah, its not that I'm just saying this to be spiteful I truly, thoroughly, passionately hate them! Not that Im some kid, Im 42! Maybe my hatred is deep seeded from childhood...anyway, carry on haha

Jim Smith said...

I am a 32 year old male from London, England. I had to endure the Walton’s on a weekly basis in the late 80s; I used to have to sit down with my family on a Sunday and watch it. I hated it then, and I hate it now. I just find the whole show to be nauseating and corny.

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