Saturday, December 26, 2015

Thursday, December 24, 2015


This a book of Christmas carol that was given away for free by businesses in the 50s. This one is from Wickham Gardens in Springfield, Missouri. I obtained it at a garage sale this summer. These are mostly  familiar religious Christmas songs with three older secular Christmas songs.  Each song features a history of the song at the bottom of the page.

Two songs I am unfamiliar with, one is sacred, entitled "Angels From the Realms of Glory," and the other is called "The Boar's Head Carol."


Wednesday, December 23, 2015


Since I am the Super-Villain of the Ozarks, I thought I should give you a look at some of the villains from Christmas movies.


1. Ebenizer Scrooge of A Christmas Carol

2. Henry "Old Man" Potter of It's a Wonderful Life

3. Granville Sawyer of Miracle of 34th Street

4. Voldar of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

5. Harry & Marv, the Wet Bandits of Home Alone

TV specials

1. Burgermeister Meisterburger of Santa Claus is Coming To Town

2. Tie: Virginia's "Little Friends" from Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus

    & "All of the other reindeer" from Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer

3. The Grinch Who Stole Christmas

4. Alice of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

5. Professor Hinkle the magician of Frosty the Snowman.

Sunday, December 20, 2015


The Tracy Family from Thunderbirds have a a message for you. They wish to remind you that there are FIVE...FOUR...THREE...TWO...ONE days until

Saturday, December 19, 2015


Kmart stores, while not as abundant as they once were, are still around. My mother said she preferred Kmart to Wal-Mart because it wasn't as noisy and more civilized.

Maybe that is why I still shop there. Some how the big viral trend has been former Kmart employees putting MP3 of the recorded in-store music on various websites. This is a 1974 Christmas music tape that played in the store, while people did their Christmas shopping. Included is a Kmart jingle and some announcements for customers "wishing to pay for purchases with a personal check" and reminders that "there is no smoking on the sales floor."

The rest is retro easy listening Christmas music from Hollyridge Strings, Wayne King, Al Hirt, Lawrence Welk, Bert Kaempfert, Living Strings, Eddie Dunstedter, Tex Beneke, John Klein, Ralph Hunter Choir, Andre Kostelanetz, Pete Fountain, Mantovani, Domenico Savino, George Melachrino, Hugo Winterhalter, Arthur Fiedler, Ronnie Aldrich, Billy Vaughn, Liberace and Jackie Gleason. And those are just the once Shazam could identify. This is about two hours worth of instrumental Christmas music.

And as a Christmas bonus (or gag gift) I give you a juvenile photo funny of Jaclyn Smith, making a promotional appearance at a Kmart store, that pays homage to my favorite Kmart commercial. Yes, Santa Claus may put me on the naughty list for that.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015


Dear Santa: Can I have her under my tree?

I know, I know. You are going to say, "Here we go again! Another blog post from Desdinova about how living in the Ozarks is horrible." Folks, I only want what is best for the kids, because I didn't have much fun as a kid.

Some of you may remember a post from last year about some people who complained on a local TV stations Facebook and website about how the girls in one of the high school's marching bands were dressed. They were wearing "Santa's Little Helper" outfits, like the lovely lady above is wearing. The more I think about it, the more I got to thinking about how we don't do Christmas right in the Ozarks. It isn't fun. I'll give reasons it is not fun later in the post (For one thing not enough sex & nudity, but that is for Christmas as a holiday in general).

First, I'll give an example from my childhood of this very problem. When I was a child, in the late 70s & early 80s, my sister lived in western Oklahoma. She and her husband owned two shoes stores. We would visit them on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

The day after Thanksgiving, we would go to the stores in those towns for their big "Kick Off To Christmas" sales. This was before that day had been dubbed "Black Friday" by the world at large.

Remember in the movie Christmas Story how the department store and town was decorated? That was what these stores were like. An overabundance of lights, holly, ribbons and shiny silver stuff. There was also a Santa Claus in EVERY store, not just one store. Some stores had both Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus. We even went to one store that had a rather buxom woman dressed as Santa with a beard. My theory is the guy who was supposed to be Santa called in sick that day and the stores owner said "Quick, Paula, put on the Santa outfit! Let's hope the kids don't notice your boobs."

I wasn't just a simple, but flashy visit to Santa Claus. THEY GAVE AWAY STUFF! Christmas coloring books, chocolate Santa Claus, marshmallow snowmen, Christmas comic books, candy canes (which I don't like), Rudolph clickers, giant jingle bells, Christmas cookies and gingerbread men were given away at the various stores.

After that, I had to come home to Lebanon, where there were some decorations on the street lights and in some store windows. There may have been a Santa at Kmart and Wal-Mart, but nowhere else.  Frankly, there wasn't much to excite a kid about Christmas in Lebanon.

Found this on Tumblr. A Christmas ad for a store in Lebanon, MO.

I should add that it wasn't always that way. When I was a small child, one of the banks had an animated display with elves making toys and a snowman that would melt and then pop back up. Another store had a teddy bear in a sled that went back and forth in the store window. Then in the mid-70s, they stop putting these animated scenes in the windows. Supposedly, they broke down and were too expensive to fix... or so they said. Probably, some cranky, redneck parent didn't like that their kids want to go look at these displays every time that came to town, went to city council and asked that there be an ordinance against Christmas being fun in Lebanon.

At the place my father worked, they had a lighted Nativity scene in the window of the lobby, that you could see from the street. They quit putting the nativity scene up because of complaints. Now, before the soldiers in the "war on Christmas" start loading their guns, let me explain that the reason some old people (a group of veterans, I believe) in town said they were frightened by the three wise men because they "looked Arab."  At least, they replaced the Nativity scene with cool Willie Wirehand statue in a Santa Claus hat.

There was also a huge wooden Nativity scene along I-44 in Lebanon. The last few times that I remember it being erected, the wind blew part of it over and it wasn't taken down until about June. Supposedly, it was "too much trouble to maintain." When I hear people say things like this, I realize that this is where cartoonist got the stereotype of Ozarkers being shoeless guys with Duck Dynasty beards, laying on a hillside, sleeping next to a big jug of moonshine. 

I will say that Lebanon STILL has one of the biggest and best Christmas parades in the area, second or maybe tied with Branson's nighttime, lighted Christmas parade. So I'm not totally saying Lebanon or other communities don't do anything fun at Christmas, but they just don't seem to make it fun for kids.    

Every time I bring this up, someone says "We don't do that stuff any more." Yet when you bring up something that needs to be changed in the Ozarks, people will get defensive and say "We've always done things that way and we will continue to do it that way." So what is the difference. Simple, what I'm talking about appeals to children's joy and happiness. I've pointed out this out before, but in Ozarks children are fourth class citizens behind senior citizens, middle-aged adults and pets/livestock.

A good example of this mentality is the women, who were complaining about band girls wearing "Santa's little helper outfits," complained when another TV station's Facebook site listed a schedule for the children's Christmas specials, that we all grew up loving (Rudolph, Frosty, Charlie Brown & the Grinch), were going to be on.

One year there was a group of protesters at the Battlefield Mall, wearing t-shirts with a red slash across a picture of Santa Claus. Personally, I think there is no lower form of life on this planet than a person who hates Santa Claus.

These people are taking the fun out of Christmas by turning it into some right-wing-talk-radio-political-crusade. This people would deny your child the enjoyment of Rudolph or Charlie Brown, just so they can please Bill O'Reilly or Glen Beck. I'm sure they would rather their children watch Bill O'Reilly or Glen Beck than Rudolph or Charlie Brown, because Ozarkers believe you shouldn't let childhood innocence get in the way of their right-wing agenda.

As for the decorations, fix them or buy new ones. How hard is that problem to solve? Put out some effort to make Christmas time special for future customers. Many of the business that were in Lebanon, when I was a child, no longer exist. Perhaps if they had put out some of the effort, like the stores in Oklahoma did, they would still be around. Who knows.

Here is an idea. Let's have fun and joy this Christmas, whether it is with we visit a department store Santa, make a Styrofoam snowman, bake gingerbread men, read The Night Before Christmas, buy toys for needy children, buy lots of toys for your own children, cruise the suburbs looking at the lights on houses, put up light on your own house, watch Christmas cartoons and movies (I have to watch Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and the MST3K episode with the 1950s Mexican film Santa Claus every year), listen to Christmas record (download my Christmas music podcast), or watch girls in "Santa's Little Helper" outfits dance. The point is have fun and be nice to your fellow human beings.

Of course, my opinions are why I'm considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


Sunday, December 13, 2015


Yes, I have created a Christmas music and pop culture podcast for your listening enjoyment. Like all good Christmas presents, the contents is a surprise. You will just have to listen to find out what is in it.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

1982 Christmas TV Commercials

Here are some TV commercials compiled on YouTube from Christmas time 1982. Not all are Christmas related. The nice thing is that you can watch them here with out seeing any of the comments from those scummy war-on-Christmas trolls, who think the United States is going to Hell in a handbag.

Saturday, November 28, 2015


Another podcast from yours truly. Featuring jams from Trooper, Chilliwack, Pousette-Dart Band, Cockney Rebel, Funkadelic, Sad Cafe, & Marshall Hain. Plus Doc Savage, Ultraman, toothpaste as an aphrodisiac, kids talk about pickles, Barbara Eden talks about her pantyhose and other fun stuff.

Sunday, November 22, 2015


Okay, Okay! If you read the post about my concept for "glam country," you probably figured out that I hate country music. You must understand, in Missouri, there are more country radio stations on the air than any format. It bombards you from all directions. Also country fans in Missouri are so self-righteous about being country fans (actually Missourians are self-righteous about EVERYTHING). They say "You should listen to country music. It is better for you."

Something I don't discuss much is the fact that I have worked in country radio, usually against my will. There were a few songs that I liked during my days in radio purgatory. I began thinking about the country songs that I like.  I looked through my Itunes and put the songs I liked into a playlist. Let me say that the complaint against "bro-country" is it is too pop and not traditional country is a non-issue as far as I'm concerned. Most of the country music I did like from my formative years doesn't sound like what you would call "real country." Many of these artist were accused of not being "real country." Much of this wouldn't get played on a country radio station today, because it doesn't fit the format or it isn't considered country.

Here is a list of country songs that I can actually stomach.

  • "I Fell In Love" - Carlene Carter
  • "Amarillo By Morning" - George Strait
  • "Anybody Going To San Antone?" Charlie Pride
  • "When You're Hot, You're Hot" - Jerry Reed
  • "Tight Fitting Jeans" - Conway Twitty
  • "Skip a Rope" - Henson Cargill
  • "Elvia" - Oak Ridge Boys
  • "Lyin Eyes" - The Eagles
  • "No News" - Lonestar
  • "All You Ever Do Is Bring Me Down" - The Mavericks
  • "Don't It Make Brown Eyes Blue" - Crystal Gale
  • "It Must Be Love" - Don Williams
  • "The Gambler" - Kenny Rogers
  • "Flowers On The Wall" - The Statler Brothers
  • "Six White Horse" - Tommy Cash
  • "Rhinestone Cowboy" - Glen Campbell
  • "The Whispering Wind (Blows On By)" - Mandy Barnett
  • "Gentle On My Mind" - Glen Campbell
  • "Queen of Hearts" - Juice Newton
  • "Joanne" - Mike Nesmith
  • "El Paso" - Marty Robbins
  • "Made In Japan" - Buck Owens
  • "Bobbie Sue" - The Oak Ridge Boys
  • "Garden Party" - Rick Nelson
  • "Love's Been Little Bit Hard Me" - Juice Newton
  • "Della & The Dealer" - Hoyt Axton
  • "The Closer You Get" - Alabama
  • "Why Have You Left The One You Left Me For?" - Crystal Gale
  • "Wichita Lineman" - Glen Campbell
  • "King of the Road" - Roger Miller
  • "Maria" - Ray Vega
  • "My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys" - Willie Nelson
  • "Goodbye Earl" - The Dixie Chicks
  • "There Is a Time" - The Dillards (Technically this is bluegrass)
  • "If You Leave Me Tonight I'll Cry" - Jerry Wallace (The Tune in Dan's Cafe from Night Gallery)
  • "He's So Fine" - Jody Miller
  • "Make The World Go Away" - Eddy Arnold
  • "Broken Lady" - Larry Gatlin & the Gatlin Brothers
  • "You Ain't Going Nowhere" - The Byrds
  • "Seven Year Ache" - Roseanne Cash
  • "You're The Reason God Made Oklahoma" - David Frizzell & Shelly West
  • "Fare Thee Well, Miss Carousel" - Townes Van Zandt
  • "Chug A-Lug" - Roger Miller
  • "Bop" - Dan Seals
  • "Amanda" - Don Williams
  • "Old Dogs, Children & Watermelon Wine" - Tom T. Hall
  • "Early Morning Rain" - George Hamilton IV
  • "Angel of the Morning" - Juice Newton
  • "Galveston" - Glen Campbell
  • "What Is Truth" - Johnny Cash
  • "Ode to Billy Joe" - Bobbie Gentry
  • "Let You Love Flow" - Bellamy Brothers
  • "Highway Patrol" - Junior Brown
  • "Nobody" - Sylvia
  • "Christine's Tune (Devil In Disguise)" - Flying Burrito Brothers
  • "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town" - Kenny Rogers & the First Edition
  • "Love In the First Degree" - Alabama
  • "Oh Lonesome Me" - Don Gibson
  • "Kansas City Lights" - Steve Warner
  • "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus
  • "Fancy" - Bobbie Gentry
  • "Seminole Wind" - John Anderson
  • "Has Anybody Seen Amy?" - John & Audrey Wiggins
  • "Saginaw, Michigan" - Lefty Frizzell
  • "Rose Garden" - Lynn Anderson
  • "Why Lady Why" - Alabama
  • "Looking For Love" - Johnny Lee
  • "Jolene" - Dolly Parton
  • "Cherry Hill Park" - Billy Joe Royal
  • "Can I See You Tonight?" - Tanya Tucker
  • "Silver Threads & Golden Needles" - Linda Ronstadt
  • "Stranger in My House" - Ronnie Milsap
  • "Girl From The North Country" - Bob Dylan & Johnny Cash
  • "Some of Shelly's Blues" - Mike Nesmith
  • "Ring of Fire" - Johnny Cash
  • "The Highwayman" - The Highwaymen (Willie, Kris, Waylon, Johnny)
  • "Most Beautiful Girl" - Charlie Rich
  • "Cincinnati Ohio" - Connie Smith
  • "Diggy Diggy Lo" - Doug Kershaw
  • "Streets of Bakersfield" - Buck Owens
  • "Lay Lay Lay" - Bob Dylan
  • "Lucille" - Kenny Rogers
  • "Here You Come Again" - Dolly Parton
  • "She Sang Hymns Out of Tune" - The Dillards
  • "Mona Lisa Lost Her Smile" - David Allen Coe
  • "Takin It Easy" - Lacy J. Dalton
  • "Whose Gonna Mow Your Grass?" - Buck Owens
  • "All The Gold In California" - Larry Gatlin & the Gatlin Brothers  


Sunday, November 15, 2015


My idea of what my glam country singer will look like.

It seems like every five to ten years, you hear people complain that "Country music jest ain't what it usedta be." Since I hate most country music, it all country music sounds the same to me. The big complaint always comes from the hardcore country music traditionalist is that it is "soundin too much like dat thar ole rock & roll crap."  Supposedly, there are people from Hollywood, who are manufacturing hits with autotune and rapping by people, who never lived on a farm or drove a pickup or rode a horse. Like that is a bad thing.

Must of this hatred seems to be directed at a country music act called Florida Georgia Line. I checked out some of their music on YouTube. I don't see what the controversy is. It sounded like country music to me, although I might say better than most country music acts.

I've noticed that these country music fans, many of whom I went to school with, hated the music I liked. I've been thinking about possibly creating the next big trend in country music that will hack them off.

Many of my classmates, who liked country music, hated that I liked the music of the British Invasion. Creating a country music British Invasion wouldn't be the same. There is a big country following in Great Britain. I've seen some of these British country singers on RFD-TV. The problem is they are all older men, who play extremely, traditional, country music and frankly not that good. They place a heavy emphasis on yodeling. The young girls won't get hysterical about dorky, white men in their 50s & 60s yodeling.

These country music loving classmates of mine didn't like the fact that I liked psychedelic rock either. Now there is some debate as to whether there isn't already psychedelic country. Some might bring up music by The Flying Burrito Brothers, early Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, the Sweetheart of the Rodeo era The Byrds, The Band, a handful of Grateful Dead songs and most everything by Creedence Clearwater Revival. You could also argue Jim Stafford's "Wildwood Weed" and the Cross Canadian Ragweed song about "those boys from Oklahoma" (not sure what the name of that annoying song is). However, it is rare that country music ever tried to copy the sound of psychedelia, with about two exceptions: Buck Owens hit "Who is Gonna Mow Your Grass" features a fuzztone guitar and a harpsichord in the background, and then there is Porter Wagoner's "Rubber Room." I could also add the Dylan-esque "Fare Thee Well, Miss Carousel" by Townes Van Zandt.

I thought about punk country, but a radio consulting company already thought of it, as part of a satirical audio play. Here is a NSFW portion of it.

Then, it hit me what would hack these people off: a country version of glam rock. I think country music needs its own versions of David Bowie, Elton John, T. Rex and Mott the Hoople. I want to be the creator and driving force behind this trend; a cross between Tony DeFries and Chinn & Chapman.

First, I would need to find the perfect person to be the first star of the glam country movement, although I think it should have a hipper name like "bro-country." Maybe I'll call it "Brokeback Mountain Country."

First, I need to find the right person willing to try anything, as the classified ad, that gave rise to one of America's top glam acts, said. I could probably find someone on CMT's Next Superstar, Nashville Star, The Voice, America's Got Talent, or American Idol. If this does work out, I'll put an ad saying "Do You Want to Be the Next Big Country Star?" on Gay Farmer Central or Gay-Cowboy-dot-com. At the end of the ad, I'll put, "Transgender applicants strongly encouraged."

Once I find this guy, I will give him a makeover and dye his hair a garish orange or red. This guy will need more makeup than a teenage girl in the 80s. He should put as much of an Estee Lauder makeup gift set on their face as they can.

I stole Daisy Duke's legs for this pic.

One of the complaints about bro-country is the videos seem to focus on girls in Daisy Duke cut off shorts and cowboy boots. My idea is to have this guy not only wear Daisy Duke shorts, but pantyhose under them like Daisy Duke did on The Dukes of Hazard. He will wear cowboy boots, but as a tribute to the great glam rockers of the 70s, they will have seven inch platform heels.

The big complaint with bro-country is the songs all sound the same. They are all about how fun it is to be young in a small town in the South or Midwest. It is a kind of rural sitcom milieu. After the Friday Night Lights football game, we will party with the girls from Petticoat Junction, who will be wearing Daisy Dukes shorts, but we can't get too loud or Andy and Barney will show up and bust up our party. Of course, one could point out that outlaw country songs all seem to be about being, to paraphrase President Obama, an angry white man in a Red State afraid of change, living a life that sounds like the plot line of a Daniel Woodrell novel. There is whiskey, guns, fights, whiskey, pickup trucks, whiskey, divorce, whiskey, and (as bro-country star Luke Bryan said) waking up in the gutter.

Glam country will have some recurring themes that were recurring themes in glam rock, but some that will place them in opposition to both the bro-country and outlaw country crowd. Since rural rednecks don't like science fiction (probably they are not intelligent enough to understand it), my glam country artist will have sing about feeling out of place in a small town and wanting to live on another planet. He should sing about wanting to be an alien from Mars. As a matter of fact, I believe his backing band should be called The Red Dirt Cowboys from Mars. The video for this song should be shot in black & white, then solarised with a video synthesizer. The glam country singer will be dressed as a clown about to be run over by a giant steam roller, while drowning in quicksand.

One thing that is prevalent among the outlaw country crowd is a hatred for Hollywood. They believe they are trying to change country music. Anyone familiar with 70s glam rock will remember there were several songs about Hollywood icons of the past, such as Greta Garbo, Humphrey Bogart, Roy Rogers, Marilyn Monroe and even Dwight Frye. Since nobody has written a song about Rita Hayworth and bro-country sings about other alcoholic drinks, besides whiskey, I think that my singer will record a song called "Margaretta Hayworth." At some point in this song, the singer will stop and scream "Wham Bam thank you, mame!"

Also, there should be some songs celebrating 50s rock & roll. Maybe "I Want to Be The Sock Hop Queen." He should do a sexual song about cars like "Rub Yourself Against my Buick."

I also want the glam country singer to record a real pretty ballad that women will love. The kind off song a Russian dissident would dedicate to Bailey on WKRP. It should be called "Thing of Beauty." However, when anyone ask about the title, he should say, "Actually, 'Thing of Beauty' is my pet name for my cock."

This guy's interviews should be full of controversial statements like, "They said that as a country singer, I should try to look and dress like John Wayne, but I told them I'd rather look and dress like Jane Fonda in Klute. Hot pants, knee boots and a shag haircut" or "I don't chew tobacco. It is unhealthy, but I do spit rather than swallow."

Okay, I used Lita Ford's legs this time.

Since one of the complaints against bro-country is the use of audiotune, glam country will use it, but on backing vocals. They need to sound other worldly. Also, plenty of hard fuzztone guitar and synthasizers. If they use a violin, it should be a distorted electric violin. Also a grand piano must be used. There should be some songs with that Chinn- Chapman backbeat that was on Gary Glitter's hits that goes "Womp-a-chucka-womp-a-chucka-womp-a-chucka."

The album covers should be strange. I thought putting his head and torso on a cat's legs and tail to attract country kids to the furry fetish. Maybe call the album "Pussyboy." Maybe an Andy Warhol-ish black & white photo with color added, like the photo above.

He can do covers of both glam and country songs. First up, should be "Country Comfort" by Elton John. If he does country covers they should be female singer's hits. I'm thinking Dolly Parton's "Jolene," Bobbie Gentry/Reba's "Fancy" (my mama bought me a dancing dress) and Reba's "I Think His Name Was John."

He should do a Christmas song, although, sadly, he can't do a Christmas song with Bing Crosby.

Would anyone in Nashville go for this? I really doubt it, but it would be fun to try to irritate the country fans who hate bro-country's hip-hop traits and were all bent out of shape over Little Big Town's "Girl Crush."

Of course, an idea, like this one, is why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HaHAHAHAHA!!

BTW: How many references to glam rock songs and artist did up pick up on.



Tuesday, November 10, 2015


I have been planing to do this for some time. Here are some famous stars, who served in the military before they were famous.


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