I guess I'm the only person whose favorite Christmas movie is Santa Claus Conquers The Martians from 1964. Just admitting this has caused violent reactions from people and some of those people are proud to say their favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard. It's like saying you like to watch the Fat Albert Christmas Special while listening to "Baby It's Cold Outside." People frequently point out that it always appears on list of worst movies ever made. However, I believe it is time to reexamine this film and see if, possibly, the films message may be more relevant today than it was in past decades.
The movie begins with the king of the Martians, Kimar, upset that his son, Bomar, and his daughter, Gimar, watch "silly Earth programs" on television. He ask the advise of the ancient wise man of Mars, Chochem, who deduces that it is Christmas time on Earth and the children of Mars are wanting the same kind of joy that children on Earth have, which is given by Santa Claus. "We have no children on Mars. They have children's bodies, but with adult's minds." Chochem tells Kimar, and the Counsel Chiefs of Mars, that children on Mars are conditioned, to be adults, from infancy. "The children must be allowed to be children again. They must learn to play. They must learn what it means to have fun. We need a Santa Claus on Mars."
Kimar comes up with a wrong-headed way of following Chochem's advise. He decides that there should be an expedition to Earth to kidnap Santa Claus.
Voldar |
The villain of this movie is Voldar. I included him in my list of great Christmas movie villains. He is against this idea, not because kidnapping is wrong, but he is against kids having fun. He seems to hate kids and Chochem, who he calls an "old fool." Voldar, at one point, sneers, "All this trouble for a fat, little man in a red suit." Later, when the other Martians start liking Santa Claus, Voldar gripes that Santa Claus is making Martians "soft." "We used to be the great warriors of the galaxy!" Voldar wants to make Mars great again. Voldar is the type of guy, who used the word "snowflake" and complains about kids getting participation awards.
It should be noted that this was the first movie to show, Mrs. Santa Claus. The Martians use their freeze ray on her. Later, a TV newscaster announces that "Mrs. Santa Claus positively identified her husband's kidnappers as Martians."
While kidnapping Santa Claus on Earth, the Martians take two kids, Billy & Betty, hostage. Voldar tries to kill the kids and Santa Claus. Kimar places Voldar under arrest for attempted murder.
Kimar takes the kids and Santa Claus to meet his children and his hot, smokin wife, Momar. When Billy offers to shake Bomar's hand, Bomar inspects his hand and says, "There's nothing in it. What are you giving me?' The next day, Kimar sets up a toy factory for Santa.
Meanwhile, Voldar and his thugs kidnap Kimar's goofy servant, Dropo, who was dressed up as Santa Claus. He attempts to kill Santa Claus, but he is thwarted by the kids, armed with toys.
Santa Claus appoints Dropo to be the Santa Claus on Mars. He and Billy and Betty return to Earth. The End!
The movie is unfairly maligned. First off, it was made for children, not an adult audience expecting Oscar winning material. I'm sure the kids, who saw this in the theaters back in the 1960's, probably enjoyed it. They probably got in the theater with a canned food item, that was donated to a local charity. While in the theater, their parents finished Christmas shopping. It serves a good purpose. Of course, I've showed to my great-nephews and they enjoyed.
One of the first books to trash this movie was a book written by notorious, talk radio host Michael Medved. This "let children be children" & "children are smarter than adults" message of this film doesn't sit well the the talk radio morons like him. Trust me, I have, unfortunately, been forced against my will to with that kind of riff-raff for the past 18 years.
Another thing that has caused this movie to be derided for no reason, because of one of the stars. The role of Gimar was played by a young Pia Zadora (pictured above). In the 80s, Zadora was in the films The Lonely Lady and Butterfly. She won a Golden Globe award for Butterfly, which some felt was a questionable. She also made records and had songs hit the pop, country and adult contemporary charts. Because of the questions surrounding her Golden Globe award, she became a joke and favorite punchline of late night comedians. Somewhere along the line, someone discovered that she was in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and that was added to the things that was wrong with movie.
People claim the acting is bad, but most of the acting in the film very good because they were Broadway performers. Pia Zadora was not the only star, who had a career after the film. Voldar was also a villain in episodes of Man from UNCLE, Batman, Get Smart and The Monkees. Santa Claus was in The Anderson Tapes and Dropo played Uncle Wally on Sesame Street and was in Steel Magnolias. Momar was a regular on the soap opera The Doctors. The TV reporter Andy Henderson got a job as the doorman at the "deluxe apartment" where George & Louise Jefferson lived.
I believe that Santa Claus Conquers the Martians should be considered a Christmas classic, as much as It's a Wonderful Life or Miracle on 34th Street. It is a fun, family film and the slander of it needs to stop.
Of course, opinions, like this one, is why I am considered SUPER-VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!