THE MOST MALIGNED CHRISTMAS MOVIE EVER MAY HAVE BEEN AHEAD OF ITS TIME

I guess I'm the only person whose favorite Christmas movie is Santa Claus Conquers The Martians from 1964. Just admitting this has caused violent reactions from people and some of those people are proud to say their favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard. It's like saying you like to watch the Fat Albert Christmas Special while listening to "Baby It's Cold Outside." People frequently point out that it always appears on list of worst movies ever made. However, I believe it is time to reexamine this film and see if, possibly, the films message may be more relevant today than it was in past decades.

The movie begins with the king of the Martians, Kimar, upset that his son, Bomar, and his daughter, Gimar, watch "silly Earth programs" on television. He ask the advise of the ancient wise man of Mars, Chochem, who deduces that it is Christmas time on Earth and the children of Mars are wanting the same kind of joy that children on Earth have, which is given by Santa Claus. "We have no children on Mars. They have children's bodies, but with adult's minds." Chochem tells Kimar, and the Counsel Chiefs of Mars, that children on Mars are conditioned, to be adults, from infancy. "The children must be allowed to be children again. They must learn to play. They must learn what it means to have fun. We need a Santa Claus on Mars."

Kimar comes up with a wrong-headed way of following Chochem's advise. He decides that there should be an expedition to Earth to kidnap Santa Claus.

Voldar

The villain of this movie is Voldar. I included him in my list of great Christmas movie villains. He is against this idea, not because kidnapping is wrong, but he is against kids having fun. He seems to hate kids and Chochem, who he calls an "old fool." Voldar, at one point, sneers, "All this trouble for a fat, little man in a red suit." Later, when the other Martians start liking Santa Claus, Voldar gripes that Santa Claus is making Martians "soft." "We used to be the great warriors of the galaxy!" Voldar wants to make Mars great again. Voldar is the type of guy, who used the word "snowflake" and complains about kids getting participation awards.

It should be noted that this was the first movie to show, Mrs. Santa Claus. The Martians use their freeze ray on her. Later, a TV newscaster announces that "Mrs. Santa Claus positively identified her husband's kidnappers as Martians."

While kidnapping Santa Claus on Earth, the Martians take two kids, Billy & Betty, hostage. Voldar tries to kill the kids and Santa Claus. Kimar places Voldar under arrest for attempted murder.

Kimar takes the kids and Santa Claus to meet his children and his hot, smokin wife, Momar. When Billy offers to shake Bomar's hand, Bomar inspects his hand and says, "There's nothing in it. What are you giving me?' The next day, Kimar sets up a toy factory for Santa.

Meanwhile, Voldar and his thugs kidnap Kimar's goofy servant, Dropo, who was dressed up as Santa Claus. He attempts to kill Santa Claus, but he is thwarted by the kids, armed with toys.

Santa Claus appoints Dropo to be the Santa Claus on Mars. He and Billy and Betty return to Earth. The End!

The movie is unfairly maligned. First off, it was made for children, not an adult audience expecting Oscar winning material. I'm sure the kids, who saw this in the theaters back in the 1960's, probably enjoyed it. They probably got in the theater with a canned food item, that was donated to a local charity. While in the theater, their parents finished Christmas shopping. It serves a good purpose. Of course, I've showed to my great-nephews and they enjoyed.

One of the first books to trash this movie was a book written by notorious, talk radio host Michael Medved. This "let children be children" & "children are smarter than adults" message of this film doesn't sit well the the talk radio morons like him. Trust me, I have, unfortunately, been forced against my will to with that kind of riff-raff for the past 18 years.

Another thing that has caused this movie to be derided for no reason, because of one of the stars. The role of Gimar was played by a young Pia Zadora (pictured above). In the 80s, Zadora was in the films The Lonely Lady and Butterfly. She won a Golden Globe award for Butterfly, which some felt was a questionable. She also made records and had songs hit the pop, country and adult contemporary charts. Because of the questions surrounding her Golden Globe award, she became a joke and favorite punchline of late night comedians. Somewhere along the line, someone discovered that she was in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and that was added to the things that was wrong with movie.

People claim the acting is bad, but most of the acting in the film very good because they were Broadway performers. Pia Zadora was not the only star, who had a career after the film. Voldar was also a villain in episodes of Man from UNCLE, Batman, Get Smart and The Monkees. Santa Claus was in The Anderson Tapes and Dropo played Uncle Wally on Sesame Street and was in Steel Magnolias. Momar was a regular on the soap opera The Doctors. The TV reporter Andy Henderson got a job as the doorman at the "deluxe apartment" where George & Louise Jefferson lived.

I believe that Santa Claus Conquers the Martians should be considered a Christmas classic, as much as It's a Wonderful Life or Miracle on 34th Street. It is a fun, family film and the slander of it needs to stop.

Of course, opinions, like this one, is why I am considered SUPER-VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

CHRISTMAS MOVIE CONNECTIONS TO HORROR MOVIES

In an earlier post, I listed how many of our favorite Christmas movies were connected. Since I love to watch horror films at Halloween, I decided to show how many of the Christmas films have a connection to some famous horror films watched at Halloween.

Henry Travers, who played Clarence in It's a Wonderful Life and Horace Bogardus in Bells of St. Mary, also played Dr. Cranley in The Invisible Man.

Lionel Barrymore, who played Old Man Potter in It's a Wonderful Life, was in the Mark of the Vampire and The Devil Doll, which takes place at Christmas time.

Una O'Conner, who played Mrs. Breen in Bells of St. Mary and Norah in Christmas In Connecticut, in most famous for her roles in The Invisible Man and Bride of Frankenstein.

Ernest Thesiger, best known at Dr. Pretorius in Bride of Frankenstein, Horace Femm in Old Dark House and Laing in The Ghoul, plays the undertaker in the future sequence in the 1951 movie Scrooge.

Edmund Gwenn, who played Kris Kringle in Miracle of 34th Street, was in the horror films The Walking Dead (1936) with Boris Karloff and Them! (1954), which also starred James Whitmore (above with Gwenn), James Arness, Fess Parker and Leonard Nimoy.

Ramsey Mostoller designed the costumes for Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. He designed the costumers for Dark Shadows, as well as the movies House of Dark Shadows and Night of Dark Shadows.

Jose Elias Moreno, who played Santa Claus in the 1959 Mexican film by the same title, played Dr. Krallman in Night of the Bloody Apes.

Bob Clark, who directed The Christmas Story, also directed Black Christmas and Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things.

And last but not least, Roberts Blossom (that's how he spelled it), who played spooky Old Man Marley in Home Alone, played the Ed Gein-like Ezra Cobb (above) in the 1974 horror classic Deranged. Maybe that is why Kevin was afraid of him.

TOP FIVE CHRISTMAS VILLAINS

Since I am the Super-Villain of the Ozarks, I thought I should give you a look at some of the villains from Christmas movies.

Movies:

1. Ebenizer Scrooge of A Christmas Carol

2. Henry "Old Man" Potter of It's a Wonderful Life

3. Granville Sawyer of Miracle of 34th Street

4. Voldar of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

5. Harry & Marv, the Wet Bandits of Home Alone

TV specials

1. Burgermeister Meisterburger of Santa Claus is Coming To Town

2. Tie: Virginia's "Little Friends" from Yes, Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus

    & "All of the other reindeer" from Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer

3. The Grinch Who Stole Christmas

4. Alice of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

5. Professor Hinkle the magician of Frosty the Snowman.

CHRISTMAS IN THE OZARKS IS NEVER FUN

Dear Santa: Can I have her under my tree?

I know, I know. You are going to say, "Here we go again! Another blog post from Desdinova about how living in the Ozarks is horrible." Folks, I only want what is best for the kids, because I didn't have much fun as a kid.

Some of you may remember a post from last year about some people who complained on a local TV stations Facebook and website about how the girls in one of the high school's marching bands were dressed. They were wearing "Santa's Little Helper" outfits, like the lovely lady above is wearing. The more I think about it, the more I got to thinking about how we don't do Christmas right in the Ozarks. It isn't fun. I'll give reasons it is not fun later in the post (For one thing not enough sex & nudity, but that is for Christmas as a holiday in general).

First, I'll give an example from my childhood of this very problem. When I was a child, in the late 70s & early 80s, my sister lived in western Oklahoma. She and her husband owned two shoes stores. We would visit them on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

The day after Thanksgiving, we would go to the stores in those towns for their big "Kick Off To Christmas" sales. This was before that day had been dubbed "Black Friday" by the world at large.

Remember in the movie Christmas Story how the department store and town was decorated? That was what these stores were like. An overabundance of lights, holly, ribbons and shiny silver stuff. There was also a Santa Claus in EVERY store, not just one store. Some stores had both Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus. We even went to one store that had a rather buxom woman dressed as Santa with a beard. My theory is the guy who was supposed to be Santa called in sick that day and the stores owner said "Quick, Paula, put on the Santa outfit! Let's hope the kids don't notice your boobs."

I wasn't just a simple, but flashy visit to Santa Claus. THEY GAVE AWAY STUFF! Christmas coloring books, chocolate Santa Claus, marshmallow snowmen, Christmas comic books, candy canes (which I don't like), Rudolph clickers, giant jingle bells, Christmas cookies and gingerbread men were given away at the various stores.

After that, I had to come home to Lebanon, where there were some decorations on the street lights and in some store windows. There may have been a Santa at Kmart and Wal-Mart, but nowhere else.  Frankly, there wasn't much to excite a kid about Christmas in Lebanon.

Found this on Tumblr. A Christmas ad for a store in Lebanon, MO.

I should add that it wasn't always that way. When I was a small child, one of the banks had an animated display with elves making toys and a snowman that would melt and then pop back up. Another store had a teddy bear in a sled that went back and forth in the store window. Then in the mid-70s, they stop putting these animated scenes in the windows. Supposedly, they broke down and were too expensive to fix... or so they said. Probably, some cranky, redneck parent didn't like that their kids want to go look at these displays every time that came to town, went to city council and asked that there be an ordinance against Christmas being fun in Lebanon.

At the place my father worked, they had a lighted Nativity scene in the window of the lobby, that you could see from the street. They quit putting the nativity scene up because of complaints. Now, before the soldiers in the "war on Christmas" start loading their guns, let me explain that the reason some old people (a group of veterans, I believe) in town said they were frightened by the three wise men because they "looked Arab."  At least, they replaced the Nativity scene with cool Willie Wirehand statue in a Santa Claus hat.

There was also a huge wooden Nativity scene along I-44 in Lebanon. The last few times that I remember it being erected, the wind blew part of it over and it wasn't taken down until about June. Supposedly, it was "too much trouble to maintain." When I hear people say things like this, I realize that this is where cartoonist got the stereotype of Ozarkers being shoeless guys with Duck Dynasty beards, laying on a hillside, sleeping next to a big jug of moonshine. 

I will say that Lebanon STILL has one of the biggest and best Christmas parades in the area, second or maybe tied with Branson's nighttime, lighted Christmas parade. So I'm not totally saying Lebanon or other communities don't do anything fun at Christmas, but they just don't seem to make it fun for kids.    

Every time I bring this up, someone says "We don't do that stuff any more." Yet when you bring up something that needs to be changed in the Ozarks, people will get defensive and say "We've always done things that way and we will continue to do it that way." So what is the difference. Simple, what I'm talking about appeals to children's joy and happiness. I've pointed out this out before, but in Ozarks children are fourth class citizens behind senior citizens, middle-aged adults and pets/livestock.

A good example of this mentality is the women, who were complaining about band girls wearing "Santa's little helper outfits," complained when another TV station's Facebook site listed a schedule for the children's Christmas specials, that we all grew up loving (Rudolph, Frosty, Charlie Brown & the Grinch), were going to be on.

One year there was a group of protesters at the Battlefield Mall, wearing t-shirts with a red slash across a picture of Santa Claus. Personally, I think there is no lower form of life on this planet than a person who hates Santa Claus.

These people are taking the fun out of Christmas by turning it into some right-wing-talk-radio-political-crusade. This people would deny your child the enjoyment of Rudolph or Charlie Brown, just so they can please Bill O'Reilly or Glen Beck. I'm sure they would rather their children watch Bill O'Reilly or Glen Beck than Rudolph or Charlie Brown, because Ozarkers believe you shouldn't let childhood innocence get in the way of their right-wing agenda.

As for the decorations, fix them or buy new ones. How hard is that problem to solve? Put out some effort to make Christmas time special for future customers. Many of the business that were in Lebanon, when I was a child, no longer exist. Perhaps if they had put out some of the effort, like the stores in Oklahoma did, they would still be around. Who knows.

Here is an idea. Let's have fun and joy this Christmas, whether it is with we visit a department store Santa, make a Styrofoam snowman, bake gingerbread men, read The Night Before Christmas, buy toys for needy children, buy lots of toys for your own children, cruise the suburbs looking at the lights on houses, put up light on your own house, watch Christmas cartoons and movies (I have to watch Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and the MST3K episode with the 1950s Mexican film Santa Claus every year), listen to Christmas record (download my Christmas music podcast), or watch girls in "Santa's Little Helper" outfits dance. The point is have fun and be nice to your fellow human beings.

Of course, my opinions are why I'm considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

         

DESDINOVA'S CHEESY RETRO CHRISTMAS MUSIC PODCAST

Yes, I have created a Christmas music and pop culture podcast for your listening enjoyment. Like all good Christmas presents, the contents is a surprise. You will just have to listen to find out what is in it.

DESDINOVA'S CHRISTMAS MESSAGE

CHARLIE FARQUHARSON READS YOUR NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

For better or for worse, there has in the past few years a renewed interest in the TV show, Hee Haw. The variety show was a mix of rural comedy and country music. The shows made no bones about using old jokes, but there is another interesting fact to consider. While shows such as Laugh-In (which inspired Hee Haw), Saturday Night Live and SCTV, introduced recurring characters created specifically for those shows, Hee Haw featured established characters.

Sarah Colley started performing as Minnie Pearl in the 30s. Louis Jones and Dave Akeman became Grandpa Jones and String Bean, respectfully, in the 40s. George Lindsey brought Goober from the Andy Griffith Show and Mayberry RFD and Gailard Sartain brought JerryRalphRVBobBeavis from his The Uncanny Film Festival and Camp Meeting, a Tulsa horror movie show.

Actor Donald Harron created the character of Charlie Farquharson for Canadian TV in the 50s. Here is his take on "Twas the Night Before Christmas."

The Night Before Christmas (1905)

This is the first known film version of "Twas the Night Before Christmas." Directed by Edwin Porter and produced by Thomas Edison.

QUICKIES ABOUT MICKEY

"If you stomped on Mickey Rooney, he'd probably turnaround and smile" The Kinks "Celluloid Heroes"

If you are wondering why I didn't post a link to an obit for Mickey Rooney, it is because everyone website and network newscast had a very good article or tribute to the career of Mickey Rooney. Instead some quick and interesting trivia about Mickey Rooney's career.

Mickey Rooney was the voice of Santa Claus in the Christmas specials Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, The Year Without Santa, Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July, and A Miser Brother's Christmas.

He turned down the role of The Penguin on Batman and Archie Bunker on All In the Family.

Sir Laurence Olivier and Marlon Brando both said he called him a great actor.

Mickey Rooney was the surviving Hollywood star featured in the Merry Melodies cartoon "Hollywood Steps Out" (above) and the Kinks song "Celluloid Heroes."

Mickey Rooney appeared in both The Twilight Zone ("The Last Night of a Jockey") and The Night Gallery ("Rare Objects"). He also stared in a Playhouse 90 production called The Comedian. All three were written by Rod Serling.

He played Nelson "Stubby" Stool in the Western comedy Evil Roy Slade.

He was a guest on The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour the same night as The Who. Roger Daltrey claimed that after the famous explosion at the end of "My Generation," Mickey Rooney jumped up and down yelling "MORE! MORE! DO IT AGAIN, BOYS!"

Mickey Rooney was born Joe Yule Jr. He was cast as Mickey McGuire in a series a movies based on Fontaine Fox's comic strip Toonerville Trolley (above). He chose to use the name Mickey McGuire as a stage name. He was billed in the credits as Mickey (Himself) McGuire. At one point, TBS ran these as part of Tom and Jerry and Friends. These were probably not shown on TV as much as the Our Gang comedies because most are silent and Mickey is usually seen smoking a cigar.

Here is a portion of one entitled "Mickey's Tent Show."
  

Arthur Rankin, Jr., animator of 'Rudolph,' died

Arthur Rankin, Jr., animator of 'Rudolph,' dies in Bermuda

He was also responsible for Mad Monster Party.

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2013

I wish you a Merry Christmas!

Classic Christmas Commercials: Norelco (1971)

CLASSIC CHRISTMAS COMMERCIALS: Kmart Christmas

Howdy Doody Christmas (1957) Classic TV Clown and Puppet Show

Not sure what year this is from, but I'm sure that is Bob Keeshan, who later became Captain Kangaroo, playing Clarabelle. Dayton Allen plays Ugly Sam. Also Howdy Doody and Buffalo Bob borrowed that spaceship from Flash Gordon.

REMEMBERING THE CHRISTMAS WISH BOOK

Hopefully this post will not sound like one of those stupid "What-has-happened-to-our-wonderful-nation" memes on Facebook that conservative people post, but I want to bring up something that has disappeared from the modern day Christmas season that today's children will unfortunately not get to experience. Most of you probably never noticed it was gone, so it more than likely has not been a detriment to the country. I'm talking about the Christmas Wish Book or Christmas catalog.

Major retail giants such as Sears, J.C. Pennys, Montgomery Ward, Aldens, Spiegel and others published a special catalog in the fall called the Christmas Wish Book, which featured special values on the same stuff that was in the regular Spring/Summer and Fall/Winter catalogs.
The main difference was this catalog featured TOYS!

When I was a kid, I would make out my list for Santa Claus by going through the Sears Christmas Wish Book and writing down everything I wanted. Usually, I had a minimum of six pages of thing I hoped Santa Claus would bring me. Sadly, I never got 95% of the stuff I asked for, but it was always a fun activity. This may explain why (As some of my critics and fans have both mentioned) my writing contain long list.

My mother always received the Sears catalog because she frequently ordered from Sears. My grandmother and my aunts got Montgomery Wards catalogs, which I felt was superior. They had great large color layouts for the action figures and toys I wanted. Sears usual had small black and white photos of the action figures and most of the toys. Sears then bombarded us with big color layouts of Winnie the Pooh crap. Examine the photos below of Star Trek action figures. One is from the Montgomery Ward's Wish Book and the one below is from Sears Wish book. See what I mean.

MONTGOMERY WARDS STAR TREK

SEARS STAR TREK

So why do nitwits like Glen Beck, Bill O'Rielly and Sarah Palin not whine and gripe about the loss of the Christmas Wish Book? Because the demise of the Christmas Wish Book was a business decision. It had to do with cutting cost. It is cheaper to display tiny photos online rather than print out several hundred copies of a catalog. Apparently stockholders and profits are more important than the simple enjoyment of children.   

I searched the Internet for scans of pages of Christmas catalogs. I found quite a few here and there. I borrowed a few from Mego Museum. You can find scans of whole Christmas Wish Books at Sherry Lou Toys website. Also this month Plaid Stallions is featuring some retro catalog pages.

SEARS did okay on the GI Joe layout. Click to enlarge

Sears also did okay on this Captain Action page. Click to enlarge.

THE NEXT TWO PAGES DEMONSTRATE WHY I BELIEVE MONTGOMERY WARD'S WISH BOOK WAS THE COOLEST CHRISTMAS WISH BOOK OF ALL TIME!

Click To Enlarge

Click to enlarge

WARDS CHARLIE'S ANGELS & DONNY & MARIE

JC PENNY'S 1980

     

WHAT KIDS FROM CHRISTMAS MOVIES LOOK LIKE NOW

You have probably seen this current photo of actor Peter Billingsley from the 1983 film A Christmas Story.

But how about some of the other kids from popular Christmas movies. I managed to track down two others.
Karolyn Grimes, who played Zuzu (on the right) in It's a Wonderful Life.

Above is a photo of what Karolyn Grimes looks like today. She also appeared in another Christmas movie, The Bishop's Wife.

I get a lot of flak for friends and family because I say this is my favorite Christmas movie. It doesn't seem like Christmas to me with out watching the 1964 film Santa Claus Conquers The Martians. Girmar, the little girl Martian (Get it! Gir-mar -girl Martian), was played by Pia Zadora (right).

 Pia Zadora later became famous in the 80's appearing in the films Butterfly, The Lonely Lady, Hairspray, Troop Beverly Hills and Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult. She also had a Top 40 hit with a remake of Shirley Ellis's The Clapping Song. These days she mainly performs in concerts singing. Here is a recent photo.

BY REQUEST: RETRO SANTA CLAUS COCA COLA AD (1960)

I noticed on FeedJit this morning that someone had landed on this blog after Googling "santa claus retro coca cola."  I assume they were looking for one of the many Santa Claus ads for Coca Cola from the past. I found this one on a 1960 Life magazine. Unfortunately, my scanner is small, but I hope it gives you an idea of what great artwork was involved in this ad campaign.

SANTA CLAUS MEETS BATMAN

Santa Claus is played by Western actor Andy Devine. It is appropriate that he play Santa Claus, since the character he played on The Adventures of Wild Bill Hickok was named Jingles.

K Gordon Murray Presents SANTA CLAUS in EASTMAN COLORSCOPE

I remember Aunt Norma on Children's Hour promoting that you could take a canned food item to the Tower Theater, here in Springfield, to see this movie for free. It is more fun to watch it with the MST3K gang.

March of the Wooden Soldiers(Babes in Toyland) Trailer