I WAS NEVER AFRAID OF THE EASTER BUNNY (or Clowns)

I've seen quite a bit of photos on the Internet of frightened, crying children on the lap of a department store Easter Bunny. Yes, some of the Easter Bunnies range from goofy to slightly scary.

Now, I'm going to upset people (which I like to do): I was never frightened by the Easter Bunny. Either my parents didn't make me feel that the Easter Bunny was threatening or I have no problem with six foot tall rabbits posing for photos with children at department stores. First of all, children are not supposed to be afraid of the Easter Bunny. They are supposed to be fun.

When I was about ten or eleven, I bought this Unexpected comic book. The cover is better than the story inside. In the story, giant Easter Bunny kidnaps a kid at an Easter egg hunt, covers the kid with chocolate and then bites the kid's head off as revenge for all the chocolate bunnies who had their heads bitten off my bratty children. In the passing years, I've seen this issue mentioned on list of the "dumbest comic book stories ever."

Let me also mention something else that I'm proud of: I AM ALSO NOT AFRAID OF CLOWNS. I don't understand the fear of clowns. I have seen whole websites dedicated to the hatred of clowns and I am more frightened by the people created these websites. The vitriol and hatred plastered on these websites are comparable to racism and homophobia. I feel the fear of clowns is so preposterous that I'm working on a giallo-type novel about a "killer clown."

Contrary to what these websites lead you to believe, there have been very few, if any, recorded clown/Easter Bunny child kidnappings.

I've noticed that the people I know on Facebook who seem to fear clowns and Easter Bunnies are the same one who think teenagers are stupid and should pull up their pants, the media gives more attention to celebrities than soldiers and the government is going to take away their freedoms. The bad part, many of these people are former classmates, who felt they were superior to me and called me a dork. At least, I can say I've never been afraid of a person in a Easter Bunny costume or a clown. Who really is the dork?

Of course, my opinions are why I'm considered the Super-Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  

Female Comic Strip Character Movie No. 1: KISS ME KILL ME a.k.a BABA YAGA (VALENTINA)

Crepax's Valentina and actress De Funes

This is the movie that instigated this series of post. I had mentioned in a previous post the Valentina comic strip by Guido Crepax. I found this movie in a Mill Creek movie set, thinking it may have been a giallo film.

The comic book version

Most American comic strip/comic book adaptations are aimed at kids. The average child wouldn't be interested in this because Valentina is an Italian comic character. That is good, because this is not a children's movie. This is an adult foreign film. While a very good adaptation of Crepax's artwork and story, the best way to describe it to the average person is a kinky, psychedelic mind-f**k (Pardon my French).

Isabelle De Funes as Valentina

Valentina is played by Isabelle De Funes. She is a cute, hip, Marxist, magazine photographer, who is almost killed trying to save a cute, little dog from being smashed by an on-coming Rolls Royce. The driver is a mysterious woman called Baba Yaga, played by 60s American sex symbol Carroll Baker. As you can see from the picture of the comic, Baker looks nothing like the character in the comic book. Then again, do you want to see someone who looks like Crepax's Baba Yaga naked?

Carroll Baker is Baba Yaga

Baba Yaga shows up the next day at Valentina's studio, fondles her (wait for it) camera and invites her to home. After Baba Yaga leaves, the model Valentina is working with tells her that she thinks Baba Yaga is a lesbian. At one point, Baba Yaga steals the tab from Valentina's garter belt lick and suck on it like a Charms Blow Pop.

Can you get one of these at Toys R Us?

Valentina goes to Baba Yaga's spooky old house with a hole in the floor that Baba Yaga says is the entrance to Hell. Baba Yaga gives Valentina a doll, named Annette, that looks like an American Girl doll dressed like a dominatrix. Valentina begins having nightmares about being naked in front of Nazis. She also dreams that Annette turns into a real dominatrix and begins whipping her.

She tells her film director boyfriend, played by George Eastman, that she believes Baba Yaga is a witch. He doesn't believe it until the people Valentina photographs die suddenly. I'll stop here rather than spoil the ending.

Louise Brooks - Valentina's role model

Some interesting trivia about the Valentina strip. Guido Crepax modeled Valentina after an American silent movie actress named Louise Brooks. Her autobiography makes Valentina's exploits look like a Peanuts special. And speaking of Charlie Brown and the gang...

Good Grief! Valentina is naked again

Valentina first appeared in an Italian comic book called Linus that featured Peanuts reprints. She was the Lois Lane to a Superman-like character named Neutron. Eventually, Crepax dropped Neutron and Valentina became the focus of the comic strip.

The theme song is an instrumental entitled "Open Spaces" by Piero Umiliani, the man responsible for the song "Mah-Nah-Nah-Nah," which was made famous in this country by Jim Henson's Muppets.

The story was remade for a TV version of Valentina in the 90s, but it is not as good. It plays too much like a soap opera.

If you like Italian horror films and comic strip history, check this out. Granted, it is not for everyone, but it is interesting.