I JUST REMEMBERED

I hadn't posted a photo of hot babes in Santa's Little Helper dresses this Christmas. That always upsets Ozarkers.

THE MOST MALIGNED CHRISTMAS MOVIE EVER MAY HAVE BEEN AHEAD OF ITS TIME

I guess I'm the only person whose favorite Christmas movie is Santa Claus Conquers The Martians from 1964. Just admitting this has caused violent reactions from people and some of those people are proud to say their favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard. It's like saying you like to watch the Fat Albert Christmas Special while listening to "Baby It's Cold Outside." People frequently point out that it always appears on list of worst movies ever made. However, I believe it is time to reexamine this film and see if, possibly, the films message may be more relevant today than it was in past decades.

The movie begins with the king of the Martians, Kimar, upset that his son, Bomar, and his daughter, Gimar, watch "silly Earth programs" on television. He ask the advise of the ancient wise man of Mars, Chochem, who deduces that it is Christmas time on Earth and the children of Mars are wanting the same kind of joy that children on Earth have, which is given by Santa Claus. "We have no children on Mars. They have children's bodies, but with adult's minds." Chochem tells Kimar, and the Counsel Chiefs of Mars, that children on Mars are conditioned, to be adults, from infancy. "The children must be allowed to be children again. They must learn to play. They must learn what it means to have fun. We need a Santa Claus on Mars."

Kimar comes up with a wrong-headed way of following Chochem's advise. He decides that there should be an expedition to Earth to kidnap Santa Claus.

Voldar

The villain of this movie is Voldar. I included him in my list of great Christmas movie villains. He is against this idea, not because kidnapping is wrong, but he is against kids having fun. He seems to hate kids and Chochem, who he calls an "old fool." Voldar, at one point, sneers, "All this trouble for a fat, little man in a red suit." Later, when the other Martians start liking Santa Claus, Voldar gripes that Santa Claus is making Martians "soft." "We used to be the great warriors of the galaxy!" Voldar wants to make Mars great again. Voldar is the type of guy, who used the word "snowflake" and complains about kids getting participation awards.

It should be noted that this was the first movie to show, Mrs. Santa Claus. The Martians use their freeze ray on her. Later, a TV newscaster announces that "Mrs. Santa Claus positively identified her husband's kidnappers as Martians."

While kidnapping Santa Claus on Earth, the Martians take two kids, Billy & Betty, hostage. Voldar tries to kill the kids and Santa Claus. Kimar places Voldar under arrest for attempted murder.

Kimar takes the kids and Santa Claus to meet his children and his hot, smokin wife, Momar. When Billy offers to shake Bomar's hand, Bomar inspects his hand and says, "There's nothing in it. What are you giving me?' The next day, Kimar sets up a toy factory for Santa.

Meanwhile, Voldar and his thugs kidnap Kimar's goofy servant, Dropo, who was dressed up as Santa Claus. He attempts to kill Santa Claus, but he is thwarted by the kids, armed with toys.

Santa Claus appoints Dropo to be the Santa Claus on Mars. He and Billy and Betty return to Earth. The End!

The movie is unfairly maligned. First off, it was made for children, not an adult audience expecting Oscar winning material. I'm sure the kids, who saw this in the theaters back in the 1960's, probably enjoyed it. They probably got in the theater with a canned food item, that was donated to a local charity. While in the theater, their parents finished Christmas shopping. It serves a good purpose. Of course, I've showed to my great-nephews and they enjoyed.

One of the first books to trash this movie was a book written by notorious, talk radio host Michael Medved. This "let children be children" & "children are smarter than adults" message of this film doesn't sit well the the talk radio morons like him. Trust me, I have, unfortunately, been forced against my will to with that kind of riff-raff for the past 18 years.

Another thing that has caused this movie to be derided for no reason, because of one of the stars. The role of Gimar was played by a young Pia Zadora (pictured above). In the 80s, Zadora was in the films The Lonely Lady and Butterfly. She won a Golden Globe award for Butterfly, which some felt was a questionable. She also made records and had songs hit the pop, country and adult contemporary charts. Because of the questions surrounding her Golden Globe award, she became a joke and favorite punchline of late night comedians. Somewhere along the line, someone discovered that she was in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and that was added to the things that was wrong with movie.

People claim the acting is bad, but most of the acting in the film very good because they were Broadway performers. Pia Zadora was not the only star, who had a career after the film. Voldar was also a villain in episodes of Man from UNCLE, Batman, Get Smart and The Monkees. Santa Claus was in The Anderson Tapes and Dropo played Uncle Wally on Sesame Street and was in Steel Magnolias. Momar was a regular on the soap opera The Doctors. The TV reporter Andy Henderson got a job as the doorman at the "deluxe apartment" where George & Louise Jefferson lived.

I believe that Santa Claus Conquers the Martians should be considered a Christmas classic, as much as It's a Wonderful Life or Miracle on 34th Street. It is a fun, family film and the slander of it needs to stop.

Of course, opinions, like this one, is why I am considered SUPER-VILLAIN OF THE OZARKS!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

BETTER HOMES & GARDENS CHRISTMAS 1975

These photos are from a Better Homes & Gardens issue from December of 1975. The theme was to show how Christmas was being celebrated 200 years after America was founded. One thing you will notice is the trend is for folksy, homemade stuff in an effort to "go back to the good ole days." This was the era of The Waltons & Little House on the Prairie. I hated that, but I survived.  As always, click on the photo to enlarge it.

At a large church in a major city

A crap craft bazaar attended by the kind of women that would have deep discussions, in TV commercials of that era, about "occasional irregularity."

This is nice but let me add that the captions didn't give locations.

Some generic football players visit kids in a hospital somewhere.

Nice tree

A 1975 MILF decorates her Christmas tree.

The lost art of Tiffany glass decorations

Patchwork wreaths

Remember, if you live out in the country, you have to decorate your tree in barnyard animals.

More of the farm motive for decorations. Nothing says Christmas like a pig, duck, goat, hen, cow, & cranky old couple.

Country folk also decorate with big quilts on their wall.

Now this is what I like. I remember the white tree trend. That was cool.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

BREAKING DOWN CHRISTMAS SONG TYPES

Christmas music has been with us for many years. It has seen a boom thanks to radio stations going "All Christmas" in the past seventeen years. I recently saw a post on Tumblr about types of Christmas songs. The post was by a Millennial and very funny. I had thought several times about doing a post about different sub-genres of Christmas music. The Millennial kept his simple (about 5 types), but I had thought of some others. Some are obvious.

* JESUS IS BORN: "Joy To The World," "Away In the Manger," "Silent Night," "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen," "Do You Hear What I Hear?" & "What Child Is This." One of the more recent songs of this sub-genre is "Mary Do You Know."

* SANTA CLAUS IS COMING: "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town," "Here Comes Santa Claus," "Up On the House Top."

* THE LITTLE MISFIT WHO SAVES CHRISTMAS: Well, hands down the biggest one here is "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer." Second, would be "Little Drummer Boy." There was also "The Bell Who Couldn't Jingle," "Little Sandy Sleighfoot," and "Ding A-Ling the Christmas Bell."

* WE LOVE WINTER & SNOW: Hands down the biggie here would be "Jingle Bells." Then comes, "Winter Wonderland," "Sleigh Ride," "Marshmallow World," "I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm," "Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow."

* ALONE & DEPRESSED AT CHRISTMAS: Most of these came out of World War 2. With that said, I find most of depressing. "I'll Be Home For Christmas," "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," "Blue Christmas," & "White Christmas." More recently Wham gave us "Last Christmas."

* CHRISTMAS AMERICANA: The best example would be "No Place Like Home For The Holidays," however, I would count "The Christmas Song" & "Silver Bells" in this group. They are bigger songs. Another example of this is a song called "Christmas In My Home Town."

* BRITISH ROCKERS CHANNELING CHARLES DICKENS: For some reason, this is my favorite sub-genre, because it has only four songs in it and all are from the 70s.  Jethro Tull's "Christmas Song," Emerson Lake & Palmer's "I Still Believe in Father Christmas," The Kinks "Father Christmas," and, of course, "Happy Xmas (the War Is Over)" by John Lennon.

* CHRISTMAS GOES HAWAIIAN: This one has even less songs than the British rocker/Dickens sub-genre. It is also the one I understand the least. My guess it is an off-shoot of the exotic trend of the late 40s & 50s. There are only two songs, but they surprisingly get played on "all Christmas" radio. They are "Christmas Island" & "Mele Kalikimaka."

* PRETTY DECORATIONS:"Deck The Halls," "O Christmas Tree," "It's Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas" and "We Need a Little Christmas."

* CHILDREN'S CHRISTMAS: "Frosty The Snowman," "I Want a Hippopatamous for Christmas," "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," "Nuttin For Christmas," & "The Chipmunk Song."

* CHRISTMAS PARTY CELEBRATION: "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year," "Happy Holidays," "Rockin Around the Christmas Tree." I would also count "12 Days of Christmas," "We Wish You a Merry Christmas," & "Here We Come A-Caroling."

* THE XMASTIZED VERSION OF THE BIG HIT: These rarely get played. Bobby Boris Picket's "Monster's Holiday," James Brown's "Santa's Got a Brand New Bag." My favorite is Mickey Gilley's "The Girls All Get Prettier at Christmas Time" and my least favorite is "Santa Claus is Coming In a Boogie Woogie Choo-Choo Train" by The Tractors.

Yes, this is just typical geeky blogger over analyzing, but also something fun. Feel free to share this with your friends.



   

HAPPY HALLOWEEN 2018

MONSTER PHOTO FUN 2018

HORROR MOVIE MUSIC IPOD PLAYLIST

I'm going to start off this post by telling you something that the snobby "timeless love song/Great American Songbook" crowd doesn't want you to know. One of their favorite "standard" songs, that was a favorite of our grandparents and parents, was introduced in a HORROR FILM.

The song, "Stella By Starlight," first appeared in the 1944 film The Uninvited, about a woman named Stella, who is possessed by a ghost. In the movie, Ray Milland plays a composer, who tries to woo Stella by composing the song for her on a piano, while she stands by an open window.  The song has been recorded by many artist since it was first introduced, but most of those familiar with the song would probably never guess it was from a horror film. The Uninvited was also groundbreaking in that it portray ghost and the paranormal as serious, instead of a criminal gimmick or for comedy purposes.

I brought up ghost and comedy, because one of the biggest songs of the 80s, was from a comedy about ghost and demons. Of course, that was Ghostbusters. That song dominated radio in the summer of 1984, but some would say Ghostbusters is a comedy not a horror film.

That is why this is a Ipod playlist, because 1)) doing a really educational "countdown-of-the-greatest-ever" post would lead to hairsplitting and Internet bickering about what I should consider a "real" horror film or horror comedy or a mystery thriller or science fiction movie or an original composition for a horror film or using a previously recorded song. So, I'll just give a playlist with the movie the song was featured in and you can decide for yourself what category it belongs in, 2) I haven't done one in a while, and 3) it's quick and easy.

I have left out orchestral scores, in favor of pop & rock songs, featured in the film. Some were hits before the film came out or "oldies" used to memorable effect in the film. I tried to give the name of the original version or version in the film, if I use a substitute, I'll mention why.

Stella By Starlight - Andre Previn (This is a piano instrumental, as in the movie) - The Uninvited - 1944
The Blob - The Five Blobs - The Blob 1958
The Web - Abie Baker - The Brain That Wouldn't Die 1959
Bird Is the Word - The Rivingtons - The Crawling Hand 1963
Look For a Star - Gary Miles - Circus of Horror 1960
Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte - Al Martino - Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte 1964
My Son, The Vampire - Alan Sherman - Vampire Over London 1952/My Son The Vampire 1964
That's The Way It's Got To Be - The Poets - Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster 1966
That's All That I Need You For - The Birds - The Deadly Bees 1966
Shadows - The Electric Prunes - The Name of the Game Is Kill 1968
Green Slime - The Green Slime - The Green Slime 1968 (The title of the song, movie and the band are all Green Slime)
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Roberta Flack - Play Misty For Me 1971
Season of the Witch - Donovan - Season of the Witch 1972/Dark Shadows 2012
Ben - Michael Jackson - Ben 1972
Tubular Bells  - Mike Oldfield - The Exorcist 1973
Popcorn - Hot Butter - Shriek of the Mutilated 1974
Daybreak - Harry Nilsson - Son of Dracula 1974
Science Fiction/Double Feature - Richard O'Brien - Rocky Horror Picture Show - 1975
Time Warp - Richard O'Brien, Patricia Quinn & Cast - Rocky Horror Picture Show - 1975
Sweet Transvestite - Tim Curry - Rocky Horror Picture Show - 1975
Don't Fear The Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult - Halloween 1978
I Love The Nightlife - Alicia Bridges - Love At First Bite - 1979
Bad Moon Rising - Creedence Clearwater Revival - American Werewolf in London -1981
Moondance - Van Morrison - American Werewolf in London - 1981
Blue Moon - The Marcels - American Werewolf in London - 1981
Cat People (Putting Out the Fire) - David Bowie - Cat People - 1982
Bela Lugosi's Dead - Bauhaus - The Hunger - 1983
Ghostbusters - Ray Parker Junior - Ghostbusters - 1984
Weird Science - Oingo Boingo - Weird Science - 1985
Wanted Man - Ratt - Weird Science - 1985
Tesla Girls - Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark - Weird Science - 1985
Pretty Woman - Van Halen - Weird Science - 1985
Blue Kiss - Jane Wiedlin - Night of the Creeps - 1986
The Stroll - The Diamonds - Night of the Creeps - 1986
Teen Beat - Sandy Nelson - Night of the Creeps - 1986
Good Times - Inxs with Jimmy Barnes - Lost Boys - 1987
People Are Strange - Echo & The Bunnymen - Lost Boys - 1987
Who Made Who - AC/DC - Maximum Overdrive -1986
For Those About To Rock - AC/DC - Maximum Overdrive - 1986
Dream Warriors - Dokken - Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors - 1987
Into the Fire - Dokken - Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors - 1987
Youth of America - Birdbrain - Scream - 1996
Red Right Hand - Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - Scream - 1996
Who's Gonna Mow Your Grass? - Buck Owens - House of 1000 Corpses - 2003
Turn Around, Look At Me - The Lettermen - Final Destination 3 - 2006
Nights In White Satin - Moody Blues - Dark Shadows - 2012
I'm Sick of You - Iggy & the Stooges - Dark Shadows - 2012
Ballad of Dwight Frye - Alice Cooper - Dark Shadows - 2012