Best of Desdinova: I LIKED NEW COKE AND I'M PROUD OF IT!

New Coke was introduced 30 years ago this month. Another love that was short lived.

The New Adventures of Desdinova the Super Villain of the Ozarks: I LIKED NEW COKE AND I'M PROUD OF IT!: #newcoke

WILD ANGELS IS COOLER THAN RED DAWN

Sometime in high school, I rented Roger Corman's Wild Angels at the local video store. I thought this was one of the coolest movies I had ever seen (next to the 1980 Flash Gordon movie). I thought "I've got to tell everyone at school about this." Of course, as was common with my classmates at Lebanon High School, they were uninterested in what I thought was a cool movie. Everyone that weekend had seen a movie at the local theater called Red Dawn. When I asked what Red Dawn was about, I was told it was about "a high school football team defending their community from an invasion by the Russian army." I replied "That sounds stupid!" Naturally, this lead to me being punched or kicked or something.

Let me proceed to explain why Wild Angels is a cooler movie than Red Dawn. First off, you have one of the coolest opening sequences in any movie. A mother watches her little boy on his tricycle ride down hill at break neck speed. She runs to stop him before he rides into traffic. She stops him and then looks around to see the head Angel, Blues (Peter Fonda), on his chopper lighting a cigarette (maybe a joint). She has a look of disgust and fear on her face a the sight. Fonda then revs up his bike and takes off down the road to the Fuzztone drenched theme song, "Blue's Theme" by Dave Allen and the Arrows.

Blues goes to a construction sight to tell his friend, Loser (Bruce Dern), that they found his stolen bike in Mecca, California. A co-worker (Dick Miller) starts lecturing Blues on wearing an Iron Cross, so Blues and Loser threaten to pull out his teeth with a wrench. Loser's supervisor yells at him, so he throws the wrench at him, which gets Loser fired.

Yes, she does wear boots in this movie.

The Angels try to retrieve the bike and get into a fight with a group of Mexicans that they believe stole it. The Highway Patrol shows up and Loser tries to get away on a patrolman's cycle. He is shot in the back by a patrolman. Later, the Angels, with the help of Blues' Mike (Nancy Sinatra), break into the hospital and take Loser back to their clubhouse, where he dies.

During the funeral, Blues lashes out at the minister. The minster ask Blues what he and the Angels "want." Blues yells, "We wanna be free! We wanna be free to do what we wanna do. We wanna be free to ride. We wanna be free to ride our machines without being hassled by The Man! ... And we wanna get loaded. And we wanna have a good time. And that's what we are gonna do. We are gonna have a good time... We are gonna have a party." Parts of that speech were later sampled as part of Primal Scream's hit song "Loaded." There has never been any of the dialog from Red Dawn sampled in a song, unless it is crappy country song by Toby Keith, Daryl Worley or Zac Brown Band.

What sets Wild Angels apart from Fonda's other biker movie, Easy Rider, is that Wild Angels doesn't weigh us down with message and characterization. Instead Corman gives scenes of the bikers outrageous partying with beer, bongo playing, loud music, grabing women, fights and even "bull fighting" a biker. Easy Rider is cerebral, where Wild Angels is just mayhem on film. However, Easy Rider is a masterpiece and also has a better soundtrack.

Wild Angels spawned the whole biker genre. Red Dawn didn't inspire any high school football player hero movies. What kind of doofus would watch a high school football player hero movie? Maybe one that looks like this:

A doofus who liked the movie Red Dawn

I guess I should point out. I've never watched Red Dawn. I thought the plot sounded stupid in high school and I still think it sounds stupid. Why waste my time with that, when I can watch Wild Angels again on DVD. Besides, I've never heard of the director, so he must not have made anything else.

Of course, opinions like these are why I'm considered the super villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I LIKED NEW COKE AND I'M PROUD OF IT!

I hate knee-jerk reactions because "somebody-didn't-like-it." The worst example of this happened twenty-eight years ago this week (July 10, 1985). After introducing a new and improved Coke in April of 1985, they decided to create Coca-Cola Classic, which was the same flavor it had always been to appease the stick in the mud types that were whining and complaining about the change.

If you believe marketing, business and even some 80s retro blogs legend of this blip in pop culture history, you are inclined to believe that the whole country hated New Coke from the minute it appeared on the market and it quickly disappeared from store shelves in favor of Coca-Cola Classic. To an extent, I thought that was true myself, except for one detail...I preferred New Coke to Coca-Cola Classic. Personally, my heart belongs to Pepsi, because I always thought Coke had a sour taste to it. However, I like soda of any kind, so when push comes to shove I will drink Coke. I love soda so much I can drink whatever is available at that moment. Does that make me ambidextrous?  Needless to say,  I was kind of disappointed when the New Coke, that I loved, was yanked from the market in favor of Coca-Cola Classic, which I didn't care for.

Of course, in typical fashion, every time I said I liked the New Coke, I got ripped a new anus by classmates and adults in Lebanon, Mo. 

In researching New Coke, I learned something I that we are never told in the popular version of this story. New Coke was a success in major markets and on both coast. There was an overwhelming positive response in New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco and Seattle.

The backlash came from (You guest it) the South and Midwest. Before Coca-Cola Classic was rolled out, there were stories of hording of "old" Coke, in the same way people in these same parts of the country have been hording Twinkies, guns and ammunition in recent years. I'm sure somewhere there is news video of a redneck saying, "Coke is an in-steetoooshun in Murica. Thee Foundin Fathers say'd in the Con-steetooshun that ya ain't suppoz'd to change Coke. The Bible saize ya suppoz'd to change Coke. It is un-Murican to change Coke."

Another thing I found out, New Coke was not officially discontinued until 1998. At one point in the early 90s, it was sold in the areas where it was popular under the name Coke 2. I'm sure some Republican idiot in the Missouri legislature made a law against the sale of it here in Missouri (Remember that in the late 80s, some in the Missouri legislature want to make it illegal for teenagers to buy tapes and CDs).

The way I see it, President Ronald Reagan should have declared Marshall Law in Georgia (Headquarters of Coca-Cola), Texas (You know my feelings about Texans) and the other states where there was a huge amount of public outcry against the New Coke. He should have said, "Look, you stupid hillbillies are going to drink the New Coke, if I have to order federal troops to hold your nose and pour it down your throat." Sadly, he didn't.

I guess there are several things about this moment of pop culture that bothers me. The people who complain about political correctness ruining America are the very ones who were responsible for Coca-Cola backing down and celebrate it as a great thing. You have to wonder about people, who feel no shame in their racism, antisemitism, homophobia and even hatred of children and teens. They also get angry if a talk radio show host or public figure is forced to apologize for saying something that is racist, antisemitic or homophobic, yet those same people will demand an apology over something like changing the taste of a soda or a TV news station reporting on gay or African-American people or a new movie version of The Lone Ranger (Which I liked and highly recommend).

I also think that if something is successful in major markets on the East and West Coast, then middle America and Dixie should be FORCED TO LIKE IT TOO. I hate the "We ain't gonna allow none of that here in the Ozarks" attitude. It is just as bad in other states in the Mid-West and the South. Besides the mid-West and the South has the WORST TASTE IN POP CULTURE!

I believe Coca-Cola made a big mistake caving in to pressure and set an unhealthy precedent. Of course, my opinions are the reason why I'm considered the Super Villain of the Ozarks!!! Mwu-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!