Many people make New Year's Resolutions. I usually don't, because I know I won't keep them. However, I'm going to make a few to see if I can keep them.
1. People complain that I drink too much soda. I usually drink about ten to fifteen 16 oz. bottles of Diet Pepsi a day. I feel I can do better than that. I'm going to bump it up to five to ten 2 littler bottles a day.
2. Consider using a new conversation starter when I meet women. Something like, "Nice weather we are having" rather than "Could you bend over so I can smell your butt?" That line isn't working.
3. Renew my membership in the Illuminati.
4. Dedicate more of my time and my talent to helping the Deep State take over America.
5. Make more memes using that crying woman/cat with the plate of broccoli template.
6. Report recipes for Asian cuisine that feature the words "better than take-out" or ramen recipes that say "throw out the seasoning packet" to the Pinterest administrators as being "racist."
7. Teach my 3 year old nephew how to "cuss like a sailor."
8. Meet a woman who just wants me for my body.
9. Buy more crap at estate sales.
10. Eat more fast food.
11. Finish, at least, one of my novels. Until then I will keep posting excerpts on Facebook to annoy former co-workers, who said they didn't want to read it.
Most of all, I hope you and your love ones have a wonderful and safe 2020.
2 comments:
Tee Hee - these are all so cute. Good luck with them, especially that one regarding the smelling of other women's butts. I think you can rally.
Thank you! I'm glad someone saw the humor in this rather than attack me.
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