Showing posts with label Worst Hit Songs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Worst Hit Songs. Show all posts

Friday, June 16, 2017

THE DUMBEST POP SONG OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY


If you are on social media (or anywhere on the Internet), you know that people are usually complaining about how bad they think modern pop music is and that none of today's musical stars have any talent. Allegedly. People brag up "the good old days" and how wonderful everything was in the past. Quite a few of these people think that music was better before the advent of rock and roll. Think again.

You see, the people who hated Elvis, Chuck Berry and Buddy Holly, then turned their vitriol toward the Beatles, the Stones and Bob Dylan, then hated Led Zeppelin, Kiss, Sex Pistols and disco, they  had the government go after Prince, Ozzy Osbourne and Madonna, and now (if they are still living) complain about Katy Perry, Lady Gaga and Kanye West, as well as hip hop/rap in general, liked one of the dumbest songs of the twentieth century (I'm saying the twentieth century, because honestly believe "Red Solo Cup" by Toby Keith will be considered the dumbest song of the twenty-first century).

Not only did they like this song, but they gave it the Academy Award for Best Song. Even harder to fathom is the fact it was written by two of America's greatest song writers. Some of the greatest pop singers of all-time have recorded it and singers are still recording it. What is this song?

My vote for dumbest song of the twentieth century is "In the Cool, Cool, Cool of the Evening" written by Johnny Mercer and Hoagy Carmichael. Mercer wrote such great songs "Moon River, "Glow Worm," "Hooray for Hollywood," "And the Angels Sing," and "That Old Black Magic." Carmichael wrote "Ole Buttermilk Sky," "Heart and Soul," "Up a Lazy River," "Georgia On My Mind" and "Stardust."  Together, Mercer and Carmichael wrote the song "Skylark," which is truly beautiful. All of those are great songs, but this one, in my opinion isn't one of the great ones.

This song was recorded by Bing Crosby, Rosemary Clooney, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra and Steve Lawrence and Edie Gorme. More recently Bette Midler and Crystal Gale have recorded this annoying, stinker of a song.  

My problem is the lyrics don't go together. It jumps around with this part early in the song:

"I like a barbecue, I like to boil a ham
And I vote for bouillabaisse stew (What's that?)
I like a weenie bake, steak and a layer cake
And you'll get a tummy ache too."

Then later in the song we get these lyrical gems:

"Whee!" said the bumblebee
"Let's have a jubilee!"
"When?" said the prairie hen, "Soon?"
"Sure!" said the dinosaur.
"Where?" said the grizzly bear,
"Under the light of the moon?"
"How 'bout ya, brother jackass?"
Ev'ryone gaily cried,
"Are you comin' to the fracas?"
Over his specs he sighed,
In the cool, cool, cool of the evenin'
Tell 'em I'll be there.
In the cool, cool, cool of the evenin'
Slickum on my hair."

I'm sure some dork out there will say, "Ah, they don't write songs like that any more." To that, I say "Good!"  This song is proof that there were bad songs in the pre-rock era. As a matter of fact, you could probably say that "In the Cool, Cool, Cool of the Evening" is our parent's and grandparent's equivalent "We Built This City."


     

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

THEIR BIGGEST HIT WAS THEIR WORST HIT


In high school, I had the pleasure of becoming friends with two foreign exchange students from Germany. Frequently, there would be discussions about what did they do back home in Germany for fun. One of the hot topics in the mid-80s revolved around a recent hit record, "99 Luftballoons/99 Red Balloons" by a German singer named Nena. Both of these German teens said the same thing, they could believe Americans made Nena's worst song a big hit.

The truth is this happens quite a bit in the American pop chart, a major acts biggest hit is not the best. In many cases, it is a boring ballad or sappy love song, instead of an upbeat rocker or funky dance number. Not sure what causes this to happen. You could blame the industry I'm in, radio, since, in the past, many radio stations tried to be "safe" and overplayed the boring stuff. Of course, what eventually came to pass is "classic" or "oldie" formats wound up playing the good songs, because that is what the audience really liked. As for the sales factor, we can figure that out.

I'm going to give you a list of songs that were big hits that are annoying, depressing or just bad, but they were either number one or went platinum several times over or both of those, while a more enjoyable song didn't achieve these honors. We will start with the song that is playing while I write this at work and end, kind of full circle, with a German band (easy listening but still).

1. Foreigner - "I Want to Know What Love Is" - It is long, slow, depressing and repetitive. Songs that should have been the big hit: "Hot Blooded," "Double Vision," "Waiting for a Girl Like You," "Cold as Ice," "Urgent" and "Feels Like The First Time.

2. Aerosmith - "I Don't Want To Miss a Thing" - The sad truth of rock & roll is that when you give up drugs and booze, you wind up recording lame songs like this one. Part of the success could be attributed to the move Armageddon, a cover on the country charts and (yes) a ton of radio airplay. Songs that should have been the big hit: "Walk This Way," "Same Old Song and Dance," "The Other Side," "Dream On," "Kings and Queens," "Back In the Saddle" and "Love In an Elevator."

3. Cheap Trick - "The Flame" - Another slow, boring song. Songs that should have been the big hit: "I Want You To Want Me (live version)," "Surrender," "Dream Police," "Voices," "Gonna Raise Hell" and "Don't Be Cruel."

4. Stevie Wonder - "I Just Called To Say I Love You" - Another movie song and as mushy and sappy as a love song can get. Stevie has had several number ones, but this one is his biggest seller of all time. Songs that should have been the big hit: "Superstition," "Sir Duke," "Higher Ground," "Uptight," "Shoo-Be Doo-Be Doo Da," "For Once In My Life" and "You Met Your Match."

5. Journey - "Open Arms" - I have never figured out why people like this song. Even worse, why radio continues to force this one down our throats. Songs that should have been the big hit: "Any Way You Want It," "Wheel In The Sky," "Who's Crying Now," "Lights" and "Separate Ways."

6. Chuck Berry - "My Ding A- Ling" - If I was ranking these according to injustice, this would be number one. Consider all of his great, ground-breaking, pioneering rock & roll hits of the 50s and 60s, filled with those iconic guitar riffs, then realize this was his only number one hit. Songs that should have been the big hit: "Johnny B. Good," "School Days," "Sweet Little Sixteen," "Brown Eyed Hansom Man," "Nadine," "Maybeline" and "You Never Can Tell." (This list could go on for ever)

7. Styx - "Babe" - Many have said this was the first chink in the armor of Styx. The fact that it went to number one adds insult to injury. Songs that should have been the big hit: "Lady," "Come Sail Away," "Blue Collar Man," "Too Much Time On My Hands," "Miss America," "Suite Madam Blue," and "Renegade."

8. Marvin Gaye - "Let's Get It On" - This may shock you, but this song out sold "I Heard It Through The Grapevine." To me, this song is a bluesy guitar and Marvin yammering. Songs that should have been the big hit: "I Heard It Through the Grapevine," "What's Going On," "Mercy Mercy Me," "Inner City Blues" and "Sexual Healing."

9. Bryan Adams - "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You" - Slow, dull and painful. I've been to several weddings where this was used and each one ended in a divorce. Songs that should have been the big hit: "Run To You," "Cuts Like a Knife," "I Need Somebody" and "Summer of 69."

10. Bert Kaempfert - "Wonderland By Night"- You are probably looking at this and think "Why is this on here?" Two reasons: 1) This was the artist that got me to thinking about doing this post, and 2) I began this with a German singer, so I will end with a German orchestra leader. Kaempfert's music was used a lot in the 60s & 70s in radio and TV as background music because it was peppy and cheerful. The 60s version of The Match Game used his song "Swinging Safari" (which became a big hit for saxaphonist Billy Vaughn). It featured a playful brass section and a thumping bass guitar, not heard in most easy listening groups of the time. However, his only number one hit in this country was a slow, depressing instrumental called "Wonderland By Night." Many view its hitting number one in 1960 as an example of the state of music after the death of Buddy Holly and the payola scandals. Songs that should have been the big hit: "Swinging Safari," "Afrikan Beat," "Happy Trumpet," "That Happy Feeling," and "Zambesi." These songs can be found here on YouTube.


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